h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I thought it was the trees we were covering?

But who can tell the difference?

which one?.........hmmmmmm...maybe u could make me a catsuit type armoured thingy in one of each? coz methinks what you wear depends on the occasion, hactually i just wanna look damn cool whilst kicking squirrel ass. mind u pvc does have the wipe clean of squirrel brains advantage...........u'r right bob it is a hard one.

Thank you scruff, I was quite proud of it myself. However, for decency's sake I will try not to do that in public again. I've been arrested too many times already...

i was going to say did u think it was decent doing things like that in public but you being chief of chiefs and all i thought u must know what u were doing.

::stares blankly at ridiculous amount of postings since she last checked the site ONLY A WEEK AGO::

hoo boy...ok then...

::pours herself ::

ah, tha'sh mush better. all righ' then. 60-odd technoloshy poshtins maksh me head shpin. i like idea 'bout drunken army.

shtupid shkwerlsh...

--the

You've been away for a week? So have I. Been very very busy *pours *

I've been... around.

Right then you lot, you're an absolute shower!

Atten-tion!!

That's better, right can everybody please report in with their location, any signs of Squirrel activity in their vicinity and any equipment they require or have run low on.

For example: Rama, Oxford and Southern England. Not a lot of activity recently, however saw a squirrel trying to infiltrate a primary school the other day, but it escaped before I could get it. There might be a secret offensive by our furry foes to get to the children early so that they are subservient in later life.

Come on people, lets keep this revolution going or before we know it we will all be forced to kiss furry squirrel a*se in homage.

Rama, Chief Technologist of the ASL

"I'll be black" - The Terminator playing chess

Fred Smith, Nottingham. The squirrels are keeping a low profile in my area. I have reason to believe that there are several groups of squirrels in the Hill near to my house. For the last few months I have been heared a low rumbling from that area every night at around the same time. My theory is that they are building something in the old abandoned quarry, probably an underground network.

Okay Fred,

There is a courier on it's way to with an ASL Seismograph. Basically it measures the vibrations made when a lot of squirrels are in one place together and can then give you a basic translation of what they are doing. It's still a prototype so please be careful with it. We will need it back with a full report.

Also, we've managed to train so moles to spy for use. Give them a direction to tunnel in and when they see something interesting they will turn on their cameras and other recording devices. Might be useful.

Back to the workshop,

Rama (Codename: H)

Sick Bob. Secret Squirrel Base. God knows where.

I was on a reconnaissance mission in the Glasgow underground. I thought that I had seen the dreaded Kibbles and hunted him through subterrainian tunnels for hours. Eventually deciding he had escaped I tried to call for backup to search for a local skwerl base but was caught off gaurd and knocked out.

I was carried somewhere in a helicopter. I'm not sure where I am. I could be anywhere in Europe. I have been questioned by skwerl heavies. They aren't that well informed and do not know of my rank or importance. I am hiding under a false identity in the hope they will leave me under lower security and I can escape. From now on, refer to me only as Cyclops. This is your leader, signing out.

Alrighty then.

Anonymousalien. New York City, USA. Squirrels mostly out of hibernation, seem to be primarily occupied w/ rediscovering buried chestnut locations. Greedy little brutes. Think Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" could be adapted for squirrels. Rama, any poisoned/exploding/otherwise harmful nuts might come in handy. I know it's been tried before, but the little buggers are really hungry after winter and might be careless.

I've been working with my chipmunk and guinea pig allies. The guinea pig armor was largely demolished in a nasty row in Bryant Park a few months ago -- Rama?

--the

oooh, and Bob -- er, Cyclops -- I was wondering if my title could be changed. Marvin, Chief Lazy Bstrd, has abandoned the cause, so it seems kinda pointless for me to be Chief Kicker of him. Is it possible for me to be chief of something else?
--the

Cyclops (Bob) - Don't worry, we'll rally the troops and get you out of there.

Anonymousealien - There's a shipment of BTN's (Booby Trapped Nuts) on their way over in the diplomatic pouch. There's also 4 sets of guinea pig armour and the blueprints required for creating as many sets as you require.

Our illustrious leader has been squirrel-napped. I'm putting together a rescue force.

F47192?thread=171800 - Sign up for discussion

Rama (Codename: H)

scruff, Cardigan, Wales. Squirrels haven't really been up to much lately other than general terroising particularly around the performing arts block of a certain aberystwyth college. i think they may have found my location. a friend of mine ran over one on a skateboard the other day so at least i know they haven't got to all the students.

####chhhhhCK####

hello, hello. Can anyone hear me. This is er...um..."Private" Cyclops reporting for duty, ahem. The squirrels are treating me well
There is no point sending reinforcements. There is nothing particularly interesting to the cause here. There is DEFINATELY no advance new squirrel GM lab
It is also particularly well secured and there is no way you could get inside easily. Not even through the water system which of course is heavily, heavily guarded
Anyway, what's the point risking cheif's for a mere "private" like me?

Anonymousalien. Since "Bob" is away "somewhere" at the moment I will suggest that as long as the other cheifs do not mind, you may change your title. I'd suggest the title of "Chief of Rodent Relations" because of your studies in the alliegences of other species to either our cause or the enemies.

If anyone else who is currently a private think they have hung around long enough to deserve a chiefship then just ask in the "The ASL Needs You!" forum and I'll, er I mean, Bob'll have a look and see what he can do. Thank you.

This is Cyclops. Signing out. Good Luck, on your non-mission, to not break into this non-lab while obviously not disguised as squirrel gaurds. Goodnight.

#####################

OK, then. So if there's anyone else who doesn'T want to go on the mission that were not planning click on the link in the previous posting.

Rama (Codename: H)

Not in Disguise? That sounds like a not job for not me

I ran the seismograph on Wednesday and discovered a large underground base that is under construction. In fact I have reason to believe that it is almost finished and contains some very advanced technology and enougth food and living quarters to support hundreds of squirrels.

They must be tracking this website because just before I posted the report on my findings the power was cut to the entire area. The only light that I could see in the town I am in was a flashing light coming from the houses near the hill.

I've created a mine field of BTNs along the field between my house and the hill. It's the quickest way in to town. It should hold them off for a while so that I can use this time to... erm... not rescue 'cyclops'.