h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The fight against the squirrel terror needs YOU!

Sign below if you think your hard enough!

Grrrr arghe
The revolution clearly need s the helpof an insane drunken man
And I am trhat man dagnabbit
I will lead your revolution
Viva la anbti squirrel
I need another right now
GULP
ahhhh

What cha' drinking?
Looks like a G&T from here but my eyesight is damaged by too many vodka and red bulls. They keep you awake all night and doesn't give me any recognisable hangover. Therefore I can keep dancing to loud music all night and the next morning while everyone around me is either unconsious or complaining of headaches. Try it.
I grant you the title of Chief Mad Drunken Warrior of the Anti Squirrel League. Hold it with pride and honour and show it off in Goth nightclubs after you've had too many. (the title not what you usually show people and get yourself arrested for.)

right i'm convinced. i want in. but only if i get to be keeper of pink dragons and sherbet lemons (never know when they might come in useful)

Generally I'm drinking stella...in case you want to buy me one, and I don't like Red Bull, but if I am found drinking that kind of drink it'll be either smirnoff ice or archers and lemonade.
And I want a sherbert lemon please

Hello my people.

I am glad to see that we have a new recruit. If you are reading this, please sign up. The league against squirrels needs you.
Personally to positivefreak, the title of keeper is an official h2g2 title (don't worry you don't have to do any work to get it) If you want this title then I suggest that you go to the page on "KEEPERS" and suck up to Archangel Galaxy Babe and Mina (muse of bondage.) That's how I got my title and you don't have to do anything (except in my case when I let the two of them illegally abuse me but that was more from personal interest.) I could make you Chief Dragon Trainer of the ASL. I've already given Jed the title of "Chief Mad Drunken Warrior of the ASL." and myself "Almighty Leader and Chief of Chiefs of the ASL" but I'm currently restricted to ASL Chief titles.
Personally to Jed the humanoid (and Chief of Mad Drunken Warriors of the Anti-squirl-league)
Stella! It's nice but it's reassuringly (in other word F**%1ng ridiculously) exspensive. Drink Coors light or Tennants. Smirnoff Ice is nice (hey I should be a lyrisist - oh wait I am) but archers really should be drunk straight or (if particularly adventurous) mixed with Malibu.
Thank you, Thank you
BOB

did i say keeper...........oops.......didn't mean to........um.....o.k i've made myself look stupid. GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
dragon trainer sounds kewl to me! my dragons can fry some squirrel ass! yeeeeeah! poor little things don't get out of they're cage too often and when they do they just tear up the carpet. huh. dragons these days.

You are now Cheif Dragon Trainer of the Anti-Squirrel League.
Welcome to the revolution soldier.
Your name will be listed soon (when i can be bothered putting it up, I've kinda got a psychology essy to write right now)
You also are station head of Wales. Wear your title with pride Cheif Positivefreak.

If anyone else feels the need to help in the fight against squirrels please sign up. There may be a silly name in it for you.

General Sick Bob

Oooh ooohooh
Just a wee point about the main page, Chief is spelt Chief..not cheif
Come on everybody...all together now
I before E except after C

Sorry...I'm bored
and pedantic

I hate those little rhyming sayings that they teach in school. The reason why is because they always have exceptions (height, weight) that they don't tell you just because it doesn't rhyme. This really infuriates me. This is one of the reasons why I hate pop music. The idea of doing something just cos it rhymes even though it means nothing.

"I dont wanna see a ghost/that's the sight that I fear most/I'd rather eat a piece of toast !!!!! - actual lyrics to "Life" by Des'ree. Aaaagh!

Because of this I never listened to these rhyming rules so never could spell any words containing "I's" and "e's"
The last time someone corrected my spelling with a rhyme they ended up with their ears shoved up their own anal cavity. This may not have been so bad if they weren't still attached to their face. I'll let you off this time though since you are ChIEf Mad Drunken Warrior.

Have you read "Armageddon - The Musical" by Robert Rankin. In that the world is saved by Elvis being carried through space by a time travelling sprout who (possibly in confusion with the whole king thing) keeps calling him Cheif.
This may be the insparation for me to choose to repeatively use a word that I obviously can't spell.

Have a nice day. And don't be afraid to be pedantic. It may keep your ears warm in this cold winter (I know it's almost June, but I live in Scotland and it's always winter)

Bob

what!!! you mean aaaaaaaaall of wales???? woooooooooooow!

and i too hate those stupid little rhyming rules although i would not go as far as shoving someone's ears up their anal cavity whilst still attached..............no wait...........i would.

cheif dragon trainer of the asl

all right, i'm back! one of the two anti-squirrel soldiers stationed in nyc, reporting for duty. (the other one is a lazy bum, but i'll yell at him.) i don't know what the squirrels are doing where y'all are, but they are definitely out of hibernation here, and central park is a-swarm with 'em.
especially the grey ones.
--she-of-no-title, the anonymous alien

Hiya soldiers,

Keep up the good work.
I have a couple of messages to give.

To positivefreak, Since you never enlighetened us by saying which part of Wales you come from I have decided to let you be station head of ALL of Wales untill we get more welsh soldiers to lighten the burden. I am station head of Glasgow but will work on any nearby areas of Scotland not already covered. How are the dragons coming along?

To the anonymous alien, your return is much welcomed. Any info of squirrel action in NYC is much apreaciated. If you wish to be ordained with a Chiefhood then this may be done if you could tell us your chosen feild of duty. PS. could you wake up your lazy robot partner too, we need all the support we can get.

See you all at the wall when the revolution comes!

General Sick Bob

General, fellow soldiers and future recruits:
I have not been lazy. The squirls sabotaged my computer and would not let me log in. However, I have gotter around this by trying again. Parhaps they were electrocuted by the signal. But thats not important. What is important is that.............................................................................................................. (drum role please) .........................................................................................................................................................I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY AFTER ALL THE DOTS. oh well. We should put squirls in racket balls. that would be a good way to, to, to oh damn I forgot what I was going to say again. anyway, I'm back. If i'm still me, or if, or if, I CAN REMEMBER MY F****** Password. I liked the old system beter

Marv the ever forgetful

Jed the pedant feels he must point out the appaling spelling of our new soldier, but I guess its forgivabel...this once. As for the reports of Squirrel sabotauge, I think we should take this time to consider the technology available to the Damn rodents (are squirrels rodents?? Bah, I don't care..they're evil, and that's what matters). Christopher seems to be worried that maybe they have access to internet cafe's and warns that he suspects that there maybe several highly specialiesed Hacker Squirrels. This menace could be the most worrying threat to our online organised organistaion (hmm...I don't like that syntax..but hey..what am I gonna do). I worry about squirrel infiltration (especially in light of Squirrels infamous illiteracy) and believe that future soldiers (including marvin..who I suspect for no reason other than his habit of caling them squirls...obviously I'm drunk at the minute anyway, in case I'm forced to fight at a moments notice, so I may just be suffering some drunken paranoia..who knows...but I still fear squirrel infiltration.

the spelling does not mean I'm a squirrel it just means I can't spell. ask the alien, he/she/it knows I can't spell.

In a situation like this I think that we ought to act fast. Therefore I think that our soldiers should be allowed to shorten words to save time spents typing and talking so that we can always stay one step ahead of the squirrels (which can be called sqirls in times of danger.)

We have tried to avoid the problem of squirrel hackers by only discussing our plans on h2g2. The squirrels cannot hack into h2g2 for some reason (even though they have hacked into the FBI and Mi6)
I think it has something to do with their fear of the letter "H." (The squirrels can only pronounce it "haitch" instead of "aitch" much like people in middle England. This difference is that it annoys them as much as everyone else. This is why they call themselves "...ackers")

General Sick Bob

I really apreciate the plausable excuse for my bad spelling. I can't tell you what a difference it makes to know you are NOT suspect. what about the black sqrls, which side are they on?

Marv

o.k i'm sorry i haven't been here for so long but of course i have a very good reason. me and the dragons have been away on a training camp, partly because we needed to be in the open air so we could practice ariel squirrel attacks but mainly because i have practically no carpet left.
i also feel i need to report that the squirrels here in wales are looking decidedly dodgy and are definitley planning something. Although they have no access to cyber cafes or indeed any computers at all (i am probably the only person for a 50 mile radius that owns a computer) they will still cause a considerable ammount of damage if left to plot.

chief dragon trainer

my field of duty is mainly as a scout. so, i report that the squirrels in my locale have returned to full force & readiness, except for the black ones, which have apparently vanished altogether.
--anonymous one