Ladies and Gentlemen. We are Floating in Space
YOU ARE NOW LEAVING REALITY AND ENTERING THE SICK AND TWISTED REALITY OF MY IMAGINATION
MIND THE GAP
There is a school of thought, I believe it is called Nativism, that says that all knowledge can be found through introspection into one's own mind. It implies that all knowledge is present in the human mind already, and can only be discovered through intense thought, logical and philosophical. I may join this school of thought, as it seems to imply that sitting upon one's a**e and doing nothing can be called learning. Had I known this earlier in my school career I would have been able to explain to my teacher's that I was merely attempting to expose the fundamental truths of reality, not just day dreaming.
Curse the school for not teaching me of this theory earlier.
My Ideology/Belief system, regularly ignored even by myself
I'm a vaguely spiritualist agnostic who attempts to do good the majority of the time, the weird all of the time, and the confusing as much as humanly possible. I'm a non-conformist. I'm a socialist. I'm a well mannered anarchist. I believe that there may well be an omnipotent force in this universe...I think it's called Tom Jones.
I am in favour of the use of hallucinatory drugs...or, more specifically...the use for leisure of the hallucinatory properties of that substance commonly known to man as Cheese. This phenomenon, often called the cheese dream, can be induced by eating a large quantity of cheese before going to bed. This will often lead to vivid and unusual dreams, occasionally lucid in nature. Nobody knows why it happens (well..nobody I know anyway) and is left in the category of Unexplained Phenomenom which have not yet been covered by the X-Files..where it sits alongside the age old question of the fridge light in Chris Carter's 'Emergency plotline' box. I thouroughly reccomend it...and it's one hundred percent illegal in most countries (I think).
Things I like:
- Music..lots of it, especially Radiohead, Grandaddy, Blur and the Super Furry Animals, but I'm not in anyway limited to this selection
- Playing Piano (Badly)
- Singing (Even Worse)
- Reading, especially Sci-Fi and Fantasy, but not limited to that, I'm quite a big fan of Raymond E Feist
- Writing, a mix of bad poetry, short stories, and one day that novel everyone intends to write
- Cheese on Toast
- The words Aubergine, Globule, Chimpanzee, Phlange,Ragamuffin, Imbecile and Amorphous
- The Trigram PIB
- Pretending to know lots about things I know nothing about
- The Unified theory of Relativity
- Big Words
- Really Big Words
- Meaningless Words
- Objuration
- Sarcasm (I recieve regular complaints about my overuse of this in real life, and will never apologise, well, sometimes)
- Psychology
- Doing drunken Impressions of the Fonz from Happy Days. 'Heeyyyyyy'
- Confusing People
- Wales
- Tom Jones HE IS GOD
Things I dislike:
- Mayonaise
- Talentless pop acts (especially Westlife)
- Burnt Toast
- The Americanisation/Homogenisation of the world
- Coursework, Homework and anything else related to my Sixth Form College courses...or work
- Alanis Morrissette. See Journal below
- Townies
- Mayonaise
- People who deny that Tom Jones is God
- Imbeciles
These are both incomplete lists that will be completed when I think of more things that p**s me off or make me smile
My Favourite Songs (in no particular order):
- Beautiful Ground - Grandaddy
- Creep - Radiohead
- This is Yesterday - Manic Street Preachers
- Everybody Hurts - REM
- AM 180 - Grandaddy
- Paranoid Android - Radiohead
- No Distance Left to Run - Blur
- How to Disappear Completely - Radiohead
- Monkey's Gone to Heaven - Pixies
- This is just a Modern Rock Song- Belle and Sebastian
- Fishes on the Line - Lightning Seeds
- The Universal - Blur
- He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot - Grandaddy
- Northern Lites - Super Furry Animals
- Exit Music (For a film) - Radiohead
- Motorcycle Emptiness - Manic Street Preachers
- Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles
- Girl/Boy Song - Aphex Twin
- Le Soleil Est Pres De Moi - Air
- U-Mass - Pixies
- Come To Daddy (All three mixes)- Aphex Twin
- Pills - Primal Scream
- Our Dying Brains - Grandaddy
- No Sympaty - Super Furry Animals
- Pattern Against User - At The Drive-In
- Big Monsters Crush Cities - Fingathing
- Alec Eiffel - Pixies
- Funktion - Jamiroquai
- Doctor? - Orbital
- Ffing - Fingathing
- Casanova 70 - Air
- Cowgirl - Underworld
- Tension - Orbital
- Taster - Grandaddy
- Feel So Good - Jamiroquai
- Born Slippy - Underworld
- Remind - Orbital
- It's not Unusual - God (I mean Tom Jones)
1
My purpose
Apart from the ongoing quest to rid the world of mayonaise, have Tom Jones beatified (big word..I hope it means what I think it does)I also intend to take over the world (no reason..I just think it might be fun.Anyway, with that in mind I have taken the first step on my fiendish plan for world domination. Galaxy Babe has named me the Keeper of Things lost down the back of Sofas
Some may see this as a minor post, but I know it will earn me the loose change, remote controls, keys etc of every part of the civilised world.....Subtle genius I'm sure you'll agree.
Oh, By the way, I also have a Monkey Butler, who you may occasionally see clearing up my stuff for me or making the occasional cup of tea. Like all monkey butlers (and there aren't that many I assure you) he is well trained in the art of conversation, general subservience and a dab at at quantum mechanics. If you see him, please say hi, but don't interrupt his work, it's very important to him. Oh, and his name is Christopher.
Friends, allies and compatirots
People you can trust in this sick sad world include2:
- Amy, my beautiful girlfriend
- Sick Bob, fearless leader of the Anti Squirrel League...and generally twisted fellow
- Scruff, she's welsh..which makes her great in my book..she also hates townies with a vengeance..lovely girl...although occasionally scary
Here's any H2G2 clubs, associations, militia, political parties, fasicist autocracies and other assorted affiliations that i currently hold/am part of:
- Anti Squirrel League, of which i am the Chief Mad drunken warrior
- The H2G2 Queen Fanclub
I'm a Queen Fan!!
- I'm also a member of the Freedom From Faith Foundation, and am assuming the title 'Minister of the Eternal Fandango between the Chaos and the Order'
- I've always meant to join the H2G2 Procrastinator's league but still haven't got round to it yet3
Latest Messages
| Messages left for this Researcher | Posted |
|---|---|
| Jed long time no see, speak or even imagine! | Mar 3, 2003 |
| Just a thought | Dec 15, 2002 |
| Hi Jed | Oct 13, 2002 |
| grrrrrr..............hissssss.... | Oct 10, 2002 |
| condiments | Jan 29, 2002 |
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Jed the Humanoid -Keeper of things lost down the back of the sofa-also the Chief Mad Drunken Warrior of the Anti Squirrel League
Researcher U169246
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