h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sea shudders at the backlog, and suddenly feels queasy. she cannot remember if anyone needs to be healed or not, and therefore decides not to involve herself in the fight*

Shuddering with anger at having been thwarted, the evil recliner jumps into the air with a rip and a *fuffle*. Floating in the air just in front of NYC, the recliner extends a leg, frame by frame, in an almost infinitely drawn out karate kick. With a low scream, NYC brings his uzis to bear on it and with a dull boom-boom the guns start spitting bullets which whum towards the recliner, leaving glittery silver trails. Twisting and dodging, the recliner evades the bullets, the back-rest twisting to a gravity-defying angle as a bullet whoomms past, an inch overhead. With a protracted crackle, a round skims the armrest in a long, splintered gouge. Suddenly the action goes back to normal time and the recliner flies onto NYC's head, enveloping him like an evil carnivorous plant.

As the flailing, canvas covered student falls to the floor, Giguschild admonishes him for not noticing that not only was the Alien already out of the APC, the machine had also long since skidded to a halt. But he only does this brielfy, between screeches of pain as he carries on his slow-motion path...towards the revolver carrying Yo! Yo has time to squeeze off one more round which passes through an already squirting hole in the Xenomorph's shoulder before he is knocked to the ground. He flails in acid-prompted pain as Giguschild strains to try and get up. Yo's clothes begin to hizzle and fizz, and black smoke pours into the air as the revolver starts to dissolve into a sticky pool. Giguschild feebly rolls over onto the floor as the one of the rounds from the chamber plinks into the acid, starts to fizzle, and promptly explodes, starting a chain reaction with all the other ammo Yo is carrying. Two almighty flashes of cordite mangle Yo's thighs where his pockets once were, and the explosion also sends shards of metal and bone sticking into Giguschild's outer-skin, which is not however punctured further. Giguschild, mindless with pain, rolls and lurches against a wall and uses his arms to drag himself up and into a small, pipe-covered enclave, against which he quickly becomes indistinguishable. He pulls up the cover and crawls deeper into the depths to wait, and regenerate.

(btw it was a semi-auto pistol, I loath revolvers)

thinking quickly before the acid has a chance to do much damage to his legs Yo pulls out a can of Base type foam that neutralizes the acid. Unholstering his second Pistol (another .38colt, teflon coated bullets in this one) and blasts Giguschild 13 times in the chest, shoulders, and head. Reloads the weapon, puts on his body armor, and walks a little bit off to asess the situation gun still trained on the ever elusive Giguschild. Giguschild starts to get up and Yo shoots him in the other leg dropping him down again.

(yes through the wall)

how?look at this
[Broken link removed by Moderator]

Editors note: The last backlog wasn't so bad, except that the writing for Zeb/Emar conversations really sucked(Not that mine is golden, or anything). I don't mind my characters being horribly maimed (hey, that's what they're there for!), but a couple of pointers:

1: Emar wouldn't refuse to retreive Zeb, as Zeb is HIS split personality. Emar is suffering from the same Ventriloqiust/Scarface psychosis as the character on Batman. He NEEDS to project his alternate persona through something.



...Also, if he DID give Zeb a hard time, he wouldn't use a phrase like "nasty mean puppet thing." He is out of Elementary School.


2: Though I haven't given any of you guy's a detailed physical description of Zeb (except to say that he's an anthropomorphosized cartoon shrew), for the record, Zeb has no eyes per-se that can "glow an evil red." His eyes are represented by a single eyebrow across his face. I suppose that THAT could glow, but...

*sea snickers, then walks over to yowuzupman and gives him a healing kiss. then she walks over to the recliner-enveloped NYC*

[sea] NYC? are you okay?

*sea starts attempting to pull the posessed recliner open*

[NYC] MMMMMPFFH!! MMMRRGHH!!!

[sea] what? here, let my try and pry this recliner open a bit more...

*the possessed recliner drops its grasp on NYC, gripping firmly on sea's arm*

[sea] AAAAAAAGHH!

thanks sea

back back damn spot! what is wrong with you? Do we not give you enough apolsrty cleaner and keep you nice and warm and out of the garbage heap? WHY are you doing this?

it was that good guy, I listened to him he said hee'd give me a space heater and install a massage thing and hes.....hes....... I'll get him!

*sea reaches deep into a pocket in her miniskirt, and pulls out a large steak. she holds it over the recliner, which promptly drops her arm and starts panting like a dog*

[sea] that's a good boy! here you go!

*sea gives the recliner the steak, then scratches its armrest for it. the recliner sighs happily*

[sea] gosh, NYC. don't you ever feed that thing?!

*As the villains stand around, chatting, believing themselves to have won the day, UH, from his little heap in the corner, brings out a little radio device. No can here. No one even notices. He mutters something into it and then returns it to his pocket. He then crawls, despite the pain, into a corner. After a few moments, a throaty roar can be heard. Instantly, the ceiling caves in, and the villains scatter. Gaarge keeps on playing, moving into Celine Dion/Mariah Careyesque ballad. A squadron of low flying planes sweep over the hole, dropping cannister after cannister of sticky, burning Agent Orange. Every villain is drenched - horifically mutilated for life (leave nothing to the imagination. thats what i say). Uncle merely chuckles. He wasnt hit.

Zeb: Uncle Heavy, you ignoramous, read up on your Vietnam-era weaponry! You're confusing Agent Orange with Napalm. Agent Orange is NOT a flammable, sticky gel, but a chemical designed to kill off jungle vegetation. Being splattered with it hasn't horribly mutilated us; It's simply increased our risk of developing cancer tenfold. Oh, AND it killed all of the houseplants you guys had in the building. (sarcastically) Way to go, Rambo.



<...Where they lob the makeshift napalm upon a very distraught UH!>

Zeb(speaking as Heavy screams and burns):...So, what you SHOULD have bombed us with was napalm, or, in this case, the poor-man's substitute.

*NYC hides the corner and begins having flashbacks*

[NYC] oh man, Charlie's EVERYWHERE, man, and I'm BINGO ammo! where's the freakin' air-support?

[evillene] oh please. get up. you weren't even ALIVE during the Vietnam war.

[NYC] oh yeah...

*NYC gets up. evillene smacks him*

*Kabuki Man flies over, sees some action, drops in* "Yo dudes! you're missing a great Halloween Party.":-P *Beam me down Scottie* http://www.h2g2.com/F52920?thread=84645

Listen. I know what Agent Orange is. And it does mutilate you. Very meltingly. I also know what napalm does. I toyed with the idea of using napalm, but decided against it. And you all die of cancer in about ten years. I win, in the long run.

unless we kill you now...

*sea notices a suspiciously-cancerous-looking spot on her shoulder and glares at heavy*

[sea] sounds good to me...

[Happy takes apeek rond the corner to see what is happening ]

*dances a little dance of victory*