h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome to the H2G2 Waterworks Sewer tour - where you get a chance to look around all the dirt and grime, and see if you can find the odd unexplained monster or two...

ewwwwwwww!

Was that the smell, or had you been eaten by a monster?

It was the smell of being eaten by a monster.....

I see.

I must go down to the Sewer again,
Where the best ever Rhubarb grows,
And all I ask, 'mongst the slime and the muck,
Is a clothes peg for my nose.

(Not by John Masefield.)

Half a pipe, half a pipe,
Half a pipe downward,
All in the valley of Slime
Rode the bacteria.
`Forward, the Muck Brigade!
Charge for the sewers!' he said:
Into the valley of Slime
Rode the bacteria.

(not by Alfred Lord Tennyson)

Oh, it's dark down here....

Indeed it is.

I wandered lonely in my sewer,
O'er muck and grime and things that barb.
When all at once, among the manure
A crowd of golden Rhubarb.

wow the sewar is where this poetry belongs

(just kidding....really just a joke.....polease don't kill me)

Don't worry - we won't - yet!

Maybe.

to show no hard feelings let me contrubite a peice:

ahem

sewers smell very bad
lots of monsters hideing here
maby there friendly?



there an aprorate hiaku

does anyone need a torch down here, oh i think I've stepped on something
*looks down to see something big and scaly beneath him*
I don't want to alarm anyone but I think I'm stood on that crocodile
no sudden moves....

If you can keep your sewer clean when all about you
Are dirtying theirs and blaming it on you;
If you believe in monsters in your sewer when all doubt you
but belive their may be monsters in theirs, too:
If you can wait for monster and not be sleepy,
or, being attacked by monsters, don't attack back.
Or being stalked by monsters - don't find them creepy,
Yet if necessary, don't hesitate to start to attack;

If you can meet monsters in your sewer flu
And then can think and not scream in shame:
If you can meet with bikini babes there too
and treat those two imposters just the same:
If you can hear the truth about your sewer spoken
And twisted by knaves to make bedtime stories,
Or watch the sewer you gave your life to, broken,
and stoop to re-build it with sewer-found tools;

nice

I'm working on the second half....

(* Peet arrives, slopping water and goldfish from his turn-ups *)

Hi, Folx! Was that Richard Whitely I saw swimming over there next to Giles Brandreth?

I dunno, but I think DH is somewhere round here from the beach