h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Dai,

That's a capital idea. I go down on regular basis, sometimes two or three times in one day! It is a most rewarding experience.

Dear Mr D.

As someone who goes down regularly would you recommend any paticular style or technique for a beginner?

Also what would you suggest as suitable attire?

Dai

Dear Aye Be,

Leg? In a bag? There's good eatin' on one of those! Sorry, I digress. What I'd suggest is sticking the leg back on and then making the soldier do useful things around the house as payment. Apparently they get trained to make beds and stuff in the army nowadays.

Dear Dai,

I would recommend you start slowly and gently but speed up and be more forceful as your confidence grows. You need no other equipment than a snorkel.

Watch out for the coral, it's bloody vicious at this time of year.

Dear Mr Dreadful.

I shall hasten to an appropriat emporium and purchase the necessary at once.

Im not familiar with Coral the young lady you mentioned but shall certainly keep an eye out for her, she sounds like someone to be avoided at all costs.

Dai

Dear Mr D,

Not wishing to split hairs but, part of my miltary training don't ya know, an officer always goes down in his dressing gown. At's on, abart turn, quick march, left, left.

Dear Mr Dreadful.

Iv'e been out and bought the necessary equipment and have just tried an expoitory going down session.

Is a gagging reaction normal and if so can you recommend a solution?

Dai

Dear Dai,

A gagging reaction is perfectly normal if you accidentally swallow...



...the sea water while diving.

Dear Mr Dreadful

Diving?

Dai

Dear Dai,

You mean you *weren't* talking about diving?

Dear Mr Dreadful

Of course I was, ha ha ha, what else would I be talking about?

"Coughs splutters, gags and beats a hasty retreat!"

Dai the Diver

Hey albert

you slaggin my soldier with your left left??
it's a bit suspicious if you are, cos
how did you know it were his right leg as wot got 'acked off


and before any of you think it it's not a cutlass wot chopped it off

my soldier says he can do 'hospital corners' and he has suddenly become very willing to oblige..his whole demeanor changed when i bent over to help him off with his troos (not wearing a dressing gown...should i be worried?)... good job cos we'll be together quite a while, wot with my hand stuck on his leg, and his 2 hands stuck on me, eh...assets....that industrial sized tube o superglue was a bad idea, i just knew it..

Dear Mr Dreadful

This water divings a hoot, such fun and the chance to wear body hugging latex in public without a court appearence.

Anyway on that very subjct I've noticed that diet could possibly be an issue paticularly with the body hugging latex.

What could be the effects of my usual high fibre diet on my new hobby?

Dai diving down below

Dear Dai,

I suggest sticking to the high-fibre diet... in fact you should try to get *more* fibre, that way you will always have, ahem, jet propulsion while underwater.

Dear Mr D,

Methinks you have overlooked the problem of excess bouyancy by assuming said gasses will be diverted from within a body hugging latex wet suit. I predict a sudden ascent.

Beware the bends, especially if wearing a dressing gown and there's a fully qualified girly pirate around.

Dont worry bout findin me out divin..
there's no point me tryin to go down

under water that is

as me favorite old uncle used to say.. (actually he wasn't me favorite at all, he called hiself that, what he was in fact was a dirty old letcher that was best kept at barge pole distance)


you'll never drown me girl..you'll never drown..

aye be equipt with own boyancy aids

Dear Mr D

Strangely enough I have been sitting here for the last 3 hours wearing aformentioned skin tight latex outfit (what I do at my own desk in my own office is nothing to do with anyone but my mental health visitor, GP oh and a certain girly pirate who pos over now and then to trim the hedges with her cutlass)and it appears the high fibre diet is causing some problems.

Do I sit her for another hour or so cross legged with a full bladder while the build up disapates, or should I take my life in my hands and open the zip near a naked flame?

Dear Mr A Ross

Your right about the dressing gown, do they come in latex?

Dai in my arms tonight

Big Al's Exotica can supply latex casual wear for the discerning gent. All sizes up to 6XX. Orders dispatched via the No 6 Bus.

Marvelous news Mr Ross, and thank goodness for the No6 what would cicerning clientel do without it!

"Whispers" Do they have anything in the way of star wars outfits or the like, and from your experience how do they fit?

Dear Mr D

This thread is going to the dogs! It went to the horse racing the week before last while we were away but apparently it lost a bundle.

Dai encased in rubber

Dear Dai,

Good lord you're right! We need new blood... I must start advertising again. That way we may get some stuff that's clean enough for the column in the Post.

Incidentally, if you're worried about gas build up try cutting a strategic hole in the wetsuit.