h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Joanna I've an aunt named Joe Ann, so I tend to think that way...

Most of the swelling has come down but I still have a very nasty bruise on my shin. It is quite tender to the touch. I am more concerned about J&J. They are both still asleep, so I don't know their current health.

Oh Marv. I'm so relieved you weren't seriously injured. But I do worry about your knee. Sometimes injuries show up a while later, so all 3 of you need to be very cautious for a while. Pay attention to symptoms. Immediately after something like that the adrenelin in your systems can keep you on your feet and thinking you're better off than you actually are.

Have a lovely Easter, Rosemary.

I voted for Edith Bowman, repeatedly, I love the Colin and Edith show on Radio 1. I heard her singing on the programme ages ago, when they had Tiffany on as part of a homage to the 80s. Edith did the backing vocals and was outstanding.

I don't think I'll ever understand the proper use of the semicolon now. This is something that bothered me as a child, my teachers could never explain it properly (I suspect they didn't understand themselves).

I think Easter is next week. The problem with using computer-based calendars is that they don't have holidays marked in them so I'm not entirely sure and I don't have a real calendar handy. I better figure this out though, because Easter dinner is at my house. If I have 20 relatives show up tomorrow I'm in trouble.

Marv, I hope you’re not feeling too shaken and that those bruises aren’t too sore.

Kelli, I sympathise. I didn’t much enjoy the stick I got when I was very overweight. I must say that I’ve had more compliments for successful slimming than I got abuse for being fat. I suspect, however, that this is one of those things where the experience is different for women. A big, beer-gutted bloke like I used to be is, I think, generally considered to be more socially acceptable than a woman who dares to defy the prescribed norms of ‘beauty’.

The thing I appreciate most after going down from 255lb to 185lb is feeling healthier, but having a decent range of clothes to choose from in the shops is also a nice novelty. Too many clothes manufacturers don’t cater for big people, and some High Street clothes shops don’t seem to acknowledge anything but the slenderest shapes.

GD, I think it should be: ‘Because my spelling, *my* grammar, and *the general state* of my written English is appalling.’ ‘...all around general state...’ is a tautology, and in any case the term is ‘all-round’. Can I have that now? There’s no need to throw it...

I got 100%, 100%, 99%, 99% and I guess it was that semicolon/colon. I understood that there were too distinct sentences being joined by the 'however'; I don't know (I haven't checked the cheat sheet) whether the semicolon or colon would be the more appropriate punctuation.

Marv, I'm glad you're all right! Are you sure that J is the one at fault? I received a warning once, from apoliceman, for dashing through a yellow light.

Hypatia, I absolutely insist you must keep a collection of these stories for a book, and I would love to illustrate it with line drawings. I bet Amy and Lentilla would love to contribute, too.

ltp, Easter is March 27th -- feels like Spring outside, bar the usual west wind whistling in the telegraph wires...

Just after 0900 and it is already 50F.

[tartaronne reindeer] - we still have snow on the ground and more is coming down .

80% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 77% Expert...still trying to figure out how I could do so poorly at the beginner level and then go up from there. Quite a few of those sentences were, to be honestly, a mangled mess themselves, never mind what word should be plugged into them.

Anywho.

I'm up far too early.

*tiptoes in, hoping to avoid the cattle-prod* hands Ormy a belated birthday *

I'm sorry I haven't been here much. I've been teaching maffs full time and it takes it out of me. I'm going to do another full week and then it's the Easter break. We'll see after that.

The teaching went quite well this week - the kids are getting used to me - but we did have a fire alarm on Thursday so I got all muddy again and yesterday was a bit... erm... eventful.

Before I tell you the tale, I want to reassure everyone that I'm not hurt, just very saddened by the whole thing.

I was teaching a Year 10 intermediate group (about 15 years old) and the aim was to try to finish a piece of exam coursework. Bear in mind that yesterday was Red Nose Day so the kids weren't in uniform. Unfortunately, as is often the case, some of them interpreted 'no uniform' as ' no work' and 'no rules,' despite reminders by their Head of Year during morning assembly.

One of the lads sitting near the back had obviously decided that he wasn't going to work on Red Nose Day and spent the beginning of the lesson messing about and chatting to his friends. Then a girl who is known to be difficult came in late (fag break - she thinks we don't know ) and sat down next to the lad in question. I went across, persuaded the lad and his friends to take their work out of their folders, and then set each of the group of four very clear objectives for the lesson. The difficult girl laughed at my optimism but the other three started work.

About 15 minutes later I was helping another child in the class when I became aware of a commotion in the corner. Looking up, I found Awkward Lad sitting on his desk with his feet on his chair. His work was on the floor. I went across and he stroppily announced that someone had ruined his work and he wasn't going to do it again. It turned out that Difficult Girl had rubbed some his sheets of paper on her hair, which had been sprayed red for the day. As a result, the paper had gone a bit pink.

To diffuse the situation, I said that he could still submit the work, even though it was pink, because it was still legible. This probably wasn't true but at least someone else would have the pleasure of persuading him to copy it up at a later date - there was no hurry. He tore the affected paper into pieces and said he 'couldn't be a**ed.'

I then spent considerable time - and you know what a patient ant I am - quietly explaining to him the consequences of his actions but he was unmoved. I gave him a direct instruction and left him to think about it for a few minutes but he showed no signs of changing his mind. I sent a girl through to the Head of Maths to ask him to step in at the end of the lesson but he sent a message back to say he would be unavailable.

The time came to pack away but several of the kids decided to leave their work on the desks rather than putting it into plastic wallets and returning it to the box, so I set off round the classroom to chivvy people along. While I was away from the front of the classroom, Difficult Girl and Awkward Boy put their coats on and headed towards the door to make a quick escape. I cut Difficult Girl off at the pass and sent her back to her place. Meanwhile, Awkward Boy drew rude things on the magic whiteboard but then rubbed his artwork off. He seemed to be going back to his place. But then I was momentarily distracted by someone handing me more coursework and Awkward Boy nipped past me to the door.

I managed to get him away from the door but he refused to return to his place. Instead, he sprawled insolently in the chair at the desk nearest the door. I know from experience that once one person has reassigned themselves to 'pole position' to get out first for lunch, they all try it and you end up with eleven people crammed into the front desks with resultant chaos. I insisted that he did as he was told. He took umbrage, stood up and threw his chair angrily under the desk so that the desk moved forwards towards me and the chair slid under the desk and hit me on the legs. Effectively he'd thrown a chair at me.

I sent a child across to the teacher opposite for assistance and he came promptly and took Awkward Boy away. He will be excluded for five days and one of the deputy heads of the school came down to my room during lunchtime to apologise to me. They really need a maffs teacher .

The boy later asked if he could apologise and was genuinely contrite but will still have to face the consequences of his actions.

I am, thankfully, unhurt but saddened that the endemic climate of work avoidance in our schools led to this.

Glad you are OK Amy. That kind of attitude seems to be the norm for kids that age anymore. Hopefully, I will have raised my kids to be more respectful to those in authority so that other ants don't have to go through what you did.

I would not last past the first day with students like that, because those students would not last past the first day either. They would be in the emergency room. With bruised shins.

You had to remind me did you? The swelling went down over night, but my shins are both very bruised still. They are quite tender.

Amy, that is sad. And it is a situation found around the world. I would not want to teach children between twelve and eighteen. They are going through so much with chemical changes and peer stress and add on to that lack of supervision at home. I admire you for what you do and your patience. I admire all that go into teaching. But I also wonder, didn't anyone ever tell you before hand the obstacles faced in teaching teenage monsters? Sometimes we can be so shortsighted. We forget how we and our friends acted at that age. I know I forgot when I adopted my grandson. Thank heavens I am too old to adopt again.

MoFoLo, I've been teaching for 25 years now so I can hardly claim that this sort of thing comes as a surprise. It wasn't a surprise when I started teaching either - it was, after all, just four years since I'd been a pupil at a really tough school myself. However, it's not often I get assaulted like that. It's only happened to me five times, if memory serves, although two of those have been this term. Supply staff are more likely to be assaulted than regular teachers.

It's important to remember that most people aged 11 to 18 are a delight to be with even in the worst schools like TSFH. I wouldn't recommend teaching as a career though. I'm only doing it because it pays more per day than any other sort of work I could get on a flexible basis.

really think punishment in schools should be brought back if only by way of 1000 press ups with 10kilo rucksack on back ,or ten mile hike with same acrossed pebble beach,in whatever weather,

when i thinkof the choices of diciplinary options open when i was a lad, sound like my grandad now seriously think some form of punishment that has more effect other than exclusion which to some is a reward more than punishment , unless tagged at the same time and had to stay inside
without computer games ect ,or even at detention centre ,working something that is not nice, then perhaps they would think twice.

you have my admiration

Has anyone else noticed where the link from the picture on the front page of the inquirer goes today

Thats the pic in the left hand frame.
http://www.theinquirer.net/


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http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A649 for the purposes of history as they change it regularly.

[BB]

*Offers little porcelain pots of scented sore-shin ointments to Marv and Amy

I'm glad you're both okay, if a bit shaken.

I too have been enjoying Hypatia's Tales from the Library. Brilliant idea to do a book; it reminded me of 'Social Stereotypes' by Victoria Mather and Sue Macartney-Snape.

http://www.bookfellas.co.uk/scripts/browse.asp?ref=0719562317&source=J21

And yes, they have done 'The Dental Hygienist' .

It was a glorious day here. Unfortunately I spent most of it in a lecture theatre catching up on my CPD.

At the Vo-Tech school where I used to work, the welding teacher had the best discipline. Students who misbehaved were sent out back to sweep under the pile of scrap metal, which of course meant moving the metal piece by piece from one pile to another.

Hypatia, I have a friend who is an afficinado of the stupid, so I sent him your two tales. He called me up, laughing so hard he was crying.

Amy, glad to hear you're okay. I'm more likely to hear things about how the student is going to sue me if I don't X. X usually being giving them a better grade than they deserve or refusing to allow them to not do the work assigned.

I came home to a near disaster. The cats had been racing, and had knocked down the shelf over my laptop. Only luck saved it from being crushed...I never close it, but for some reason, today before I left, I did.

Ohh, and D and I both got our glasses today. It's nice to be able to see.