h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

/Gazes wonderingly at the Pooka/

Oh dear, once again... /She sighs sadly, taking a little gold embossed notebook out of her bag and making a few ammendments/

/Follows Mr Holmes' gaze. A look of incongrouous cunning passes across her face/

*Has a sudden epiphany as regards Mr. Holmes. Then further realises that that is not a very Squirrel like thing to do. Further realises that people are looking at it.*
Eeeek!
*Scampers across the room, dodges through a number of legs and runs to hide under the trebuchet*
Oh dear, that was not a wise thing to do on all that nut booze.
*Turns a slight shade of green*

* as the squirrel whizzes by, but keeps the absent-minded professor bit going for while longer.*

*Checks his pocket watch, the fob of which is a length of rope.*

Lil, those candlesticks on the buffet are lovely. They look quite heavy.

Aha! The leest of suspects narrows.

*Paces up and down the room, weaving between the party guests*

If the Pooka is Typolifi, and Madame Lil has a wide bottom (excuse me, Madame, I speak figuratively only), and Madame Zora's nose is her own, and Monsieur Holmes sees fit to strike a woman, and Madame Kitty wears eau de garlic, and Dame Constance jumps oop and down, then clearly it stands to reason....

*stopping directly in front of Marv*

What was I saying?

*wonders if the squirrel could be.......but wasn't that who he had down as Prof Plum?*

Is there any food left? A knight rarely comes across catering like this, a slice or two of roast boar is the best one can expect at most tournements.

*Spins and turns to Garanor*

Do not distract me! Yes! As I was saying, if Garanor has not eaten, and l'Operatic Squirrel cowers in fear, and Monsieur Smart has placed agénts in the trebouchet, and Professor Plum is in the gallery with the candlestick, and Izobella von Schtrümpfhosen has seemingly disparu while Don E. Gal stands soaking in le fountain mysterioux, there can only be one conclusion!

*blushes slightly*

See here, Inspector Clouseau - I fully inspected that nose to be a fake that would soften the punch!

Eh - you were about to say?

The conclusion would be that we have a few of the Atelier's (in)famous Lurkers among us, I'd say...

*helps himself to a slice of keeping a wary eye on Professor Plum*

In due time, Monsieur Holmes, in due time.

*Carefully inspects the reindeer*

Aha! These antlers are plastique!

/A loud gasp of outrage is heard, and the sound of a petulantly stamped foot/

Madame Kitty? MaDAME Kitty? MADame Kitty?

/Kitty faints in horror, confident that she will be caught before she hits the ground/

Pardon! Madomoiselle!

*Gatches Kitty, then looks at the cake still in his hand and now on the front of her dress.*

Garçon! Serviette!

*notices the hand print on Miss Kitty, now reclining in the Inspector arms*

*the thought crosses his mind that skulduggery could be afoot, then remembers the confusion over the glove incident and decides that discretion is the better part of valour*

*helps himself to a slice of *

*Stops looking green, which is good as it really clashes with the red fur, and watches the Inspector with amusement, calming down after the panic of earlier*

*quietly observes Garanor's spelling*

*keeps a lookout for red herrings*

LOOK OUT!!!!

*Max takes a running dive and tackles Kitty, sending her into the crudites. Seconds later, a heavy light fixture crashes to the ground where Kitty was standing.

Max struggles to his feet.*

I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I saw the light falling and had to get you out of its way. May I help you up?

*Max extends his hand to Kitty, his suave, chivalrous look spoiled only by the floret of cauliflower in his hair.*

*Madame Zora is still speechless over the accusation that her nose was a suspected fake, when it is quite obvious that another body part of an entire other sort is indeed fake*

/* Startled by the crash of the lamp, Reindeer turns from the squirrel and runs to the next irresistable thing - licking a woman on the ground who is covered in cake. */

*On its way down, the suspension chain of the lamp flicked hard against the suspended table, causing it to rock violently. On the backswing the table catches Lil, who had turned to witness the lamp crash, behind the knees*

*Lil sits down heavily on the birthday cake, her Oscar-Wildean backside completely obscuring the plate*

*thanks to his agility manages to avoid being knocked off his feet by the swinging table*

*tries to decide whether to help Lil out of the cake, save Kitty from being eaten by a Reindeer - or find out exactly which part of the Madame that is fake*

*hesitates*

*decides to just this once take the easy way out*

*concentrates on stopping the table from swinging*