h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*whoosh!*

Was that Hati?

I would leave well alone Marv. It's very hard for an outsider to see what is really going on in a marriage.

Amy

Ti, thanks. This has been an ongoing thing for a couple of years and I always seem to get stuck in it. I am sure that his wife is going to call me any day now...

Keep in touch with him, Marv. You have no idea how many people just disappear when life gets rough in that particular way. It may be that there is no need to get deeply involved. Just calling to say 'I am here if you need me' makes a tremendous difference.

I know what advice I would give if your friend was a woman (sit tight and listen, for as long as it takes). But I don't really know what to advise about one man offering support to another. I have noticed that some men, when they are hurting, will talk their problems through, but others disappear into themselves.

And one piece of advice I will give is: listen but don't pass opinions. He may say 'she's a bitch', but it won't help matters if you say 'she's a bitch'. Trust me on this one. If they get back together and you have passed critical opinions, then you will lose both of them as friends.

But what do I know?

Ben

Amy, wise words. Words that I intend to try to heed, but my friends wife makes it difficult. I always try to keep my distance over the last couple of year, but she seems always to try to win me over to her side.

Ouch! Both sides? Now, that *is* tricky...

Ben, also wise words. That is what I have tried to do for ages now. I won't say things that will ruin a 20 years long relationship with one of my oldest friends over his argument with his wife.

Everybody needs support and back up. I usually do.

Combining the advice we have given: listen but don't offer opinions. Don't even agree with their opinions (don't disagree either).

be there...

Maybe you could suggest that they invest in couples counseling, Marv. Then an objective third party can help them with their situation.

And it lets you off the hook.

BTDTGTTS

They went through court ordered counsling during their last spat and it made little difference. One would hope that they could magickly reconcile their differences and either split amicably or work through their problems.

Ah well. All I can do is to be the best friend that I am able.

I got the "BTDT" part, but what's "GTTS"? And I think I understand the use of now. Alas, I have no advice for saving marriages or raising children. In fact, I have friends who seem to fight mostly when I'm around, and they wonder why I keep putting off my visits.

{[caer csd] T, that song was actually in the UK charts once upon a time.

So there is a faint chance of a smiley, Amy? *slight eleviation of *

Oh boy, martial problems. From personal experience having a friend who just listens and is non judgemental is wonderful, who will also take the kids for an hour or two to allow some frank discussion and give you a bolt hole when necessary is a true friend. Just be there Marv and listen .

I have no idea why H and I aren't squabbling, we are so opposite, whereas my ex-husband and I had such similar views.

No2 son is reeling from taking his car to be serviced, the car had to have new rear brake shoes and pads, something about a swivel cylinder as well, it all came to £280! He has been advised to try and discover when the timing and camshafts belts were changed, if at all, that will be another £200! The garage we use are excellent and have serviced our cars for 15 years, so I know they don't spin us a line, don't charge the earth and when they say it needs doing it really does. Still, he has gone to party tonight, which cheered him up.}

{[caer csd] was that a Freudian slip? For martial problems read marital }

d'E been there done that got the T-Shirt. It is a usenet oriented acronym.


Well, my friend and I are going to have a chat tonight when he gets off of work. Here is to hoping I can help in some way.

s at the slip.

I think is more likely to succeed than and, what is more, is a darned sight easier to draw.

{[caer csd] I'll settle for Amy }

Ben really has the best advice (see above) for you, Marv.

Yep, listen but don't offer opinions.

Z?

[Sol]