h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The H2G2 Ruels of Continuity (sort of like our Laws of Physics) state that any time a researcher creates some*thing* or some*one*, that creation must be accounted for logically in the future. For instance, Asteroid Lil once decided she wanted to ride through a forum on a horse, and now that horse has to be accounted for logically. Someone (I think it was the clones) created three Non-Researcher-Characters, Cardinals Biggles, Ximenez, and Fang. Ximenez (I don't know about the spelling) got killed in the Mission to Zork Forum while doing the Monty Python "Spanish Inquisision" sketch. Biggles suffered the same fate here in this forum while doing the same sketch. Fang is missing. There's only really one way to prove for sure if he's still around...*

Jeeze, I just wanted to explain the rules of continuity! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!

[Fang bursts in. Lord Byancbaldich shoots him.]

well done...

Yes, that takes care of that. Now I don't have to be bothered with it.

You still have to worry about the Mission to Zork. The Good Guys seem to be extremely close to winning.

*shrug* so what else is new?

Dozens of things.

[Y2K] AUGH! THERE'S A BOMB ONBOARD!!

[In the engine room of the Raven is a MegaScuttler from Starship Titanic; it is counting down until the Mangar and anything else withing 22 miles is blown to bits]

i'm going to go out on a limb here and say that that would be a bad thing...

Luckily, I know the password.

*A pina colada muffin rolls across the floor.*

[oh, gross, GL. they just keep getting worse!]

[Bomb] 123 ... 122 ... 121 ... 120. 119 ... 118 ...

[Y2K] Hello.

[Bomb] ... 117 (Hi.) ... 116 ...

[Y3K] Any chance of you not exploding?

[Bomb] ... 115 ... 114 (No.) ... 113 ... 112 ...

[Y4K] Isn't this kinda self destructive? You know, blowing yourself up and all.

[Bomb] 111 ... hm. Never thought of it that way. [tense pause] Still, that's what I'm programmed to do.

[Y2K] Yeah, but you can fight your programming.

[Bomb] No I can't!

[Y3K] Yes you can.

[Bomb] I can't!!

[Y4K] You /will/ fight your programming.

[Bomb] I will /not/ fight my programming. God, you think I'm THAT stupid!? Recommencing countdown. 1000 ... 999 ... 998 ...

*grins at Y2K*

[Y2K sets the password to "Nobody likes a smartass" and the bomb disarms itself]

[Y3K] Why don't we put this on the Mangar?

You know, the reason I didn't disarm it earlier was that I didn't to give the answer away to anyone who was actually playing the game...

I actually brought this onboard specifically for the purpose of blowing up the Mangar. I can't believe I forgot about it. However, Montressor is there now, so maybe we'll beam this aboard their ship as a saftey-net in case he fails. Of course, we'd need to get a less talkative bomb...

(John Cleese. Good God.)

~A Parrot flies in, voiced by Terry Gilliam~

Oh no.


SQUAAAAAK! CHICKEN! I WANT CHICKEN!


~Terry Gilliam/ the parot is hit by a tiny "asteroid of logic", and dissappears.~

Hey, parrot-brain! It's played by Terry Jones, not Terry Gilliam!!

*is lost in an asteroid belt filled with asteroids of logic, which happen to be very illogical*

~Throws several asteroids of logic at the clones~

Hey! Who said we had to cast it the same? I think that Terry Gilliam would make a great parrot. Or maybe Eric Idle. How about Ringo Starr?