h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*While the fighting has been going on, GL has been slowly, nonchalantly edging the Mangar closer to the Zork planet, while keeping it pointed at the Raven. With the change in position going unnoticed during the excitement of battle, the Mangar slipped between two villian ships and is now inside the blackade, with its back to the planet and its nose to the Raven.*

Captain, we should be able to land as soon as YK finishes.

*Affy is overseeing the final preparations on the hull*

Okay, GL. We're covering Peet's temporary 'hull-glue' as I'm going to call it from now on, with the standard Mithril-Adamant-Titanium alloy. Triple strength, of course.

*Watches the last peice being screwed, and then welded into place. Takes some popcorn from a food replicator and watches the battle between YK and Y2k*

Let's make this interesting, shall we?

*Toys with some buttons that send electrical shocks to where Y2K is standing. It only lasts a split second, though*

Don't want to give YK *too* much of an advantage. After all, you have to pay about three bucks an hour to watch this kind of entertainment!

[There is a slight pause in the battle. Each warrior clearly feels respect for the other. That and the fact that if he didn't have the Force he'd have been hacked to bits long ago. Well, anyway, they match each other blow for blow, swing for swing, hack for hack -- -- Suddenly, Darth Corrigible makes a savage swing. Closeup on YK's face through his spacesuit helmet; a look of stunned pain crosses his face. Cut to a ref]

[Ref] No fair kicking in the groin!

[Y2K] Sorry!

[They continue with the battle]

Ow, I don't care what universe you're from, that's GOTTA hurt!

[Cut to YK and Y2K in the Ending Shop from Monty Python]

[Man Behind Counter] So, you're having a lightsaber duel and you want to know how to end it?

[YK] Yeah.

[Man] How about YK getting killed?

[Cut to the battle: Y2K runs YK through. Cut back to the store]

[YK] No way. I'm a major character.

[Man] How about Y2K getting killed?

[Battle: YK cuts Y2K's head off. Cut back]

[YK] HE'S a major character, too.

[Man] Well then, how about one of you gets his hand cut off?

[Y2K] That would be tantamount to getting killed, as we're wearing spacesuits.

[Man] All right. How about YK gets the upper hand and Y2K escapes on the Sith Infiltrator?

[Battle: YK manages to get a swing in. Y2K just barely ducks and the Sith Infiltrator de-cloaks. YK manages one more swing at Y2K's legs as the latter leaps, puncturing the suit.]

[Computer voice] Decompression in 47 seconds...

[The door on the Sith Infiltrator opens, Y2K gets in, the door closes, and the Sith Infiltrator flies off. Abruptly cut back to the shop.]

[YK] We'll take it.

[Man] All right. That'll be five pounds, please.

[Y2K gives him the money. Battle: YK manages to get a swing in. Y2K just barely ducks and the Sith Infiltrator de-cloaks. YK manages one more swing at Y2K's legs as the latter leaps, puncturing the suit.]

[Computer voice] Decompression in 47 seconds...

[The door on the Sith Infiltrator opens, Y2K gets in, the door closes, and the Sith Infiltrator flies off]

*Gets to his feet and applauds. Around his little folding chair are many crumpled sweet wrappers, pulled down to the ship's hull by gravity.*

Shall we go to Zork?
*waits*

*crawling out from the control panel..*
Danger gone?
*examines the gumwrapper/yak spit repair job*
very nice, Peet!

*Joining Chrome*
Hmm, sure lets go to zor, considering it is our destination.
Do you have any gum left?

*Sits in the captain's chair*

Okay, let's get to Zork! Eastlands, around the location of Port Foozle, near the Frigid River region of the Empire.

*Sees the blank stares from various crew members*

There. Just land in a field over there. SEP shields on. And be very careful-if this ship gets involved in anything going on down there, we'll have adventurers finding there way on board. It won't matter how well we lock up and hide the ship, they *will* get in, so try to distance yourself from everything.

*Sits back, and watches as the ship lands in a clearing in a forest, SEP field on. He enters the ready room, emerging ten minutes later wearing clothing not unlike that which Indiana Jones would wear on an expedition*

Anyone wants to come along, follow me! Oh, and don't try to surprise anyone who looks dangerous.

I'm in.
[grabs her towel and follows Afgncaap]

I'm going, too! Could someone tell me the names of all the planets and species in this galaxy? I know about the Rodentars, the Bjorg, the Kringles, and Zork, of course. There's also a planet called Earth, if I'm not mistaken.

In the whole galexy???
[imagines someone listing all of this]

Ow, I don't care what universe you're from, that's GOTTA hurt!

Er, no, I meant that we've mentioned in a forum. (Esirpretne included)

* Peet appears in the doorway, his knitted yak-hair battle shorts perfectly set off by his yellowing "Frankie Says: XYZZY" tee-shirt.

I'm in!

We also went to Risa, and Vorticon VI (home to the Vorticon species from the Commander Keen video game series), we've encountered the Crystaline Entity from Star Trek: The Next Generation (or a similar creature), and several other various things.

The Zork system has several planets, most of which are remarkably similar to ours. Zork is the third planet from the sun, about where Earth would be in our system, and you've got eight other planets: Venusnv, Murz, Saturnax, etc. However, don't mention this to the people who believe in the Giant Brogmoid, for they believe Zork is flat and being held up by this giant creature. Little do they know that it actually did hold up Zork at one time before it grew so big that it now carries entire galaxies.

Anyawy, let's get on with it.

*Affy enters the elevator. Five minutes later a door discreetly opens on the side of the ship, and Affy steps out, looking around*



Clearing
You are in a clearing in the middle of some woods. A path to the North-East will take you directly to Port Foozle, and another winding path (that starts to the South) will eventually wind its way towards the Steppinthrax Monastery. The Mangar is here, shrouded by an SEP field.
>Verbose

Maximum verbosity.
>Inventory

You are carrying:
A lantern (currently off)
A fedora (being worn)
An elvish sword (sheathed)
An H2G2 ID card
>Wait

Time passes...
Some members of the crew have joined you outside the ship.


*Blinks and glances at the crew red-shirted extras who are giving him strange looks*

Sorry, force of habit.

A handsome adventurer comes out of the Mangar and joins the group. He is carrying:

a diplomatic pouch
the pouch contains:
some papers
a fountain pen
a ball of yarn
a snowzar
a wolf-headed ebony cane



Hi guys, it's me.

Hey, it ignored my spaces ...

The pouch only contains the first 3 items. The snowzar and cane are on my person. Well, the snowzar is on my person and I am carrying the cane.

*mutters about stupid parsers*

So what I've got is a double-bladed lightsaber, a blaster, a snozar, a donut communicator, the Force ... that's it, really.

[looks at what shes got]
Ive got my firework print sundress on still, my towel of course, some yak transport papers from when i delivered the yaks, a keychain with; the key to my hanger, my ship, amd a few other places, my h2g2 ID card, one match, some flip flops, and a hair scrunchie, but most importantly NO weapons.

*decides that all she needs is her shovel*

Good selection Alien.