h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I must warn you that those yaks dont have any insurance. (They thought it was too expensive, silly beasts)

*Switches off the intercom as he can't stand all the ... Yakking (padum pum).*


Mangar to Yak Lady. We could certainly use some help here. Is your ship equiped for fighting? We need to get past those ships blackading the Zork planet.


*Mans the snowzar controls and begins firing. Thinks: we need a stategy here. Notices a new sleek red fighter launching from the Raven.*

Oh oh.

*Launches a barage of snowballs at the red fighter.*

*With a highly illogical roar of engines (given that there is no sound in space) the Chromemobile shoots from the magar's docking bay and out towards the melee. Silhouetted against a gorgeous lens flare, several missiles streak towards the Raven, slightly buffetting the shields. The rest hit Zork, starting a rather large forest fire. Cut to shot of Chrome, viewed through the cockpit, laughing at the destruction he has inadvertedly caused.*

* Peet wanders in, resplendent in his freshly-knitted yak-hair battle shorts.

Hokay, folks, where can I help out?

Oh, and by the way, I know the heat of battle is probably the wrong time to mention this, but the latch on my cabin doesn't work properly, so if anyone sees five freshly sheared yaks wandering about the ship and generally getting in the way, let me know...

I need those yaks for the new theme song anyway. I'll have a robot send them to my ready room, which does have a lock.

Okay, this isn't going well. Perhaps we should contact some of the people on Zork to help?

*Sets the polka guns to full power, and begins shooting all of the enemy ships with "Bohemian Polka" by Weird Al*

Glad that STUMPED stole those ships before we invented the polka guns. Otherwise, they'd have the polka gun shielding.

*Watches the improbable sound waves lashing out and severely damaging several ships*

(radio)Woah watch it Afgncaap!
My ship can fight but shes not holding up well under this.
[manuvers the ship to an area a little out of the way]
does anybody have a plan?(/radio)

Fight our way through. In fact, we're shielded enough that we could probably just go and land, but we shouldn't risk it.

[radio]I never was good in offensive stratigy class so could someone direct me to do something, i coul dotherwise i\endanger the mission i fear. Point me towards something you want blown up at least and ill work on it for awhile.[/radio]

Howabout these three ships that're attacking me!

No, wait, they've badgered off...

I think the Raven is going to try something naughty.

I'll just get back to improvising us a second nacelle, then, shall I? Now, where did I notice that pile of chewing-gum wrappers...?

umm, i have some fresh minty smelling ones in my pocket.
[teleports them to peet]
hey whos that?!
[aims her ships little lazer gun and tries to make a dent]

I'm gonna modify our warp output to increase our offensive and defensive systems since we won't need warp propulsion for a while. Meanwhile, Peet I've got a huge stack of gum-wrappers in my office, though I wouldn't mention the interior of it in any posts since it's never been mentioned before and we don't have the set built yet, also I've got plenty of duct tape all over the place which should come in handy.

Alright, now I never really told anyone about out this for two reasons, 1) I wanted to make sure it worked before I said anything, and B) I just made it up, but I've been creating a new type of weapon. It's called a temporal disruptor and what it does is create localized bubbles in space in which the flow of time is stopped. The effect lasts for about 2 hours. I don't know exactly how long the diplomatic mission would last but this should at least give us enough time to prepare ourselves. If you'll notice the big red button at the captains chair has light up. That button will fire the temporal disruptor and is at your disposal.

*teleports from her ship*
o o o can i press it??
Ladies first!

If we stop time for something in orbit, what does it "freeze" relative to? If the planet rams it during that two hours, could anything stop it ripping through the crust, no matter how small and flimsy the original object?

Oh peets right moose.
[stops w/ her finger hovering over the button, waiting for an answer]

Oh, I wonder if it is like on "I Dream of Jeanie" where Barabara Eden blinks and everyone freezes except for her and whoever she chooses. Time is stopped, except for whatever she doesn't want to have stopped. Very convenient. I would assume that if we use the red button, we would be able to continue as normal, but everything else would stop - except for what we didn't want to have stopped. Perhaps Moose has a temporal relaxor gun that we could use to unfreeze the things we want unfrozen. Like the Zork officials, for instance.

that sounds right, shall i continue?

~A one man fighter, shaped roughly like an attacking hawk and done in deep crimson, suddently leaves the Raven at high speed. It is Commander Red's Mangol POE X1000. It can accelerate to just under warp speed, and it's manuverability is uncannily high. It's armed with four wing mounted infra-red guided missiles, two front mounted laser blasters, and a rear mounted photon turret. It's sheilds are high, and it's platting is made of adimantium (sp?). All that and it's headed, very quickly, towards the Mangar~


This is Commander Red. Prepared to be borded in an extreamly unpleasant and damaging manner.


~The POE swoops low over the Mangar and deploys its secret weapon, wich lands with a disconcerting "thud" on top of the Mangar. It is Montressor, in full battle mode~

[startled by the confusion of the coming ship, her finger slips and hits the button.]

~~ZAP!~~

Montressor!

*Pulls up some schematics of the time freezing ray and looks it over*

Okay, Montressor is too close. If we activated this beam, the Anarchist Android would still be a big problem. I'd be willing to bet that he'd take our freezing everyone else as a threat on Red, thus becoming even more damaging. Just one thing to do then.

*Pulls on his OmeGAuntlet, sets it on full power, and walks for the bridge to the elevator*

Anyone wants to chase down the android, follow. Leave at least seven red suited extras here. I'm taking these three. Computer, try to isolate the robot, and disarm it.

*Enters the elevator, followed by the extras. The door closes*