h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let me try opening it...

*gets out a letterknife*

... I agree with Moose, if you really want to open this email you may seperate it on an isolated computer ... I just remember this lunch-diseaster ...
*follows Moose into the duct*
... wait, maybe I can help you and if only holding the candle

*things for a moment of taking some pizza and red wine for a nice candlelight diner*

*I* am an isolated computer!

*hollow voice from the duct*
Sorry, seems that we have some trouble with the time-space-continum too.
I just saw that you were working on this after I started to help moose .

I hope it's not the Polka-gun that causes this time-problems, ...

3-4 or 4-4 time?

*GL mans the weapons console while Alien is in the washroom. He concentrates Snowzar fire on the two Rodentar Battleships, which are bouncing around to the polka beat. First one, then the other is frozen permanently. He tries to hit the 3 one-man ships, but they are too maneuverable and evade his fire, so he turns the snowzars on the huge, but largely defunct carrier. Parts of the carrier are frozen solid before he has to redirect fire at the Raven, which is pounding the shields with it fire. GL glances at the shield strength indicator and notices it is down to half-power.*

How are the thruster repairs coming along down there? We need to get our maneuverabiliy back soon or our shields will be gone and we're toast.

*the shield strength indicater drops another notch.*

*refrains from opening the e-mail, as he already caused enough damage in another thread (shame, Chrome, shame!)*

Well, Affy, obviously it's not an unconditional surrender. The conditions are, of course, included in the document.


~During all this, the firefight continues, and the Raven manages to knock out one of the CLI fleet ships, which goes up in a ILM style explosion (from the classic Star Wars films, not the new one). Consequently, the crew of the Raven are given all sorts of Rodentar military honors. This is their highest kill rate in centuries.~

*voice echoing from the service duct*

I'm working on it as fast as I can, but some of these wires are really fried, AXR bring that candle over here.

Hmmm... It's worse than I thought, but rest assured as an engineer I guarantee that the thrusters will be up and running at the last possible second, just for dramatic effect.

AUGH! Hot Wax! Hot Wax! Tip the candle back upright!

*assorted banging sounds eminate from the duct*

How large is the file

(checks)

40 Megs?

*Sends another subspace message to Red, and pulls out a floppy disk. Moves the file to this disk, and transfers it from there to a tiny lap top*

Isolated computer. The only stuff I've got on it is a copy of the Zork trilogy, Starcross, the Planetfall series, and the Infocom version of The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy text adventure. I've already got plenty of these on other computers, so ...

*Puts in the file, and opens it*


Conditions of surrender-we kill you first!


*The first stanza of a poem shows up on the screen, as a small bar graph begins to show how much of drive C has been deleted*

Okay, we've been doublecrossed! Good thing I switched to that isolated lap top ...

*Furiously types up a message for the Raven and sends it*

*Meanwhiile, a flukey accident occurs. GL, firing the snowzar at the Raven, bounces a snowball off the Ravens shields. The snowball careens towards the 3 one-man ships, flying in formation. The lead ship veers to avoid the snowball and his port wingman plows into him. The resulting fireball engulfs the third one, which increases the size of the fireball when it explodes. Cheers ring out in the Mangar. GL is flushed with pride. *

What? You've deleted the Infocom HHGTTG? You.. you... barbarian!

(admittedly I was offering my life, but that pales into insignificance)

BTW, it is available at http://www.douglasadams.com/creations/infocomjava.html
as a Java Incarnation!

*A MIRV polka missile flies out of hyperspce and attacks the fleet, scattering the remaining Rodentar ships and severely damaging the Raven. As it rocks in space, chrome spies a new radar signature on scanners*

That must have fired the missile. It appears to be running on autopilot...
*A message apears on his console*

Chrome, this ship is for you. Use it for amoral purposes only (and to save the mission in times of danger).
A friend

Whoever you are, my friend, I'll repay you in kind someday!

*speeds down to the hangar to await the arrival of his ship (to be described in next posting)*

The stanza Afgncaap5 read was:

Lo! 'tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.

It is from "The Conqueror Worm" by Edgar Allan Poe, and the virus would have continued quoting the poem until the entire ship's drive is deleted.



~Suddently Red's Aunt Augusta's fruitcake from last Christmas -- one of the more indestructable objects known to man -- hurtles towards the CLI fleet from the Raven at barely sub-light speeds. It rips through the top of one wing of a ship that is currently attempting a docking manouver at the Mangar, enters the Mangar's docking bay, tears a hole through the back wall, slices through the galley, and out the other side of the ship, causing a slight problem involving a giant sucking sound.~

*Looks on tactical screen. Only Rodentar ship left is the partially frozen Carrier ship. The Raven is getting perilously close and the shields are down to quarter power. Noises from below indicate that the repairs are almost done. GL calculates that if they are not done in the next 5 minutes, they won't need to be done ever again, as the Mangar will cease to exist. On the other hand, if they are completed, we should be able to duck into the cave under the tail of the Pluto-shaped moon, taking us out of the line of fire long enough to recharge the shields. GL crosses his fingers and continues to fire at the Raven.*

~AXR and The Cow which are still repairing the thruster, hear the great blowing noise (therefore the pressure inside is bigger then outside, it blows the air through the hole - a pedant) just in the moment when the big pizza, that AXR brought here in the duct for a candlelight diner, disappears. The gigant pizza is blowing through the hole ship until it is stop by the hole, because it's to big~

can someone please , PLEASE shut the cargo bay ... and I think the thruster are ready, ... well maybe not for maximum speed, but for escape speed

*really angry because of his destroyed candlelight diner*

*Clad in an emergency vac-suit "commandeered" from a storage locker, Chrome staggers down to the cargo bay, blown backwards by the rushing wind. He hauls himself through the airlock and seals it shut.
He watches his ship (a gift from someone unknown) limp into the hangar and touch down, with much flashy manouvering and blowing of backburners. As Chrome stares at it, the jagged hole in one wing is sealed up by the carbon-fibre nanotech of the outer ship fabric.*

Wow, my dream ship.

*It is a small craft. it has only two seats, should a co-pilot be required. The wings are over thirty metres long, and made of a gossamer-light silvery material. Beneath them, a severe amount of weaponry is hung in matt-black casings. It sweeps up in high, cadillac-style wings, towards the back, ending in a vast array of engine exhaust tubes. it is shamefully extravagant, while stylishly cool. Oh, and it bears the Chrome101 standard.*

*breathes in wonder*
I think I'll call it ... The Chromemobile.
*decides to keep it in the Mangar, and only take it out for Runaround missions.*

*GL runs over to the con and engages the thrusters, then pilots the Mangar as fast as it will move, into the cave. He flips the headlights on to reveal an enormous cave stretching out in front. The far end can not be seen. The ship is ominously silent now that the pounding from the Raven has stopped. GL notices the shield power is climbing slowly.*

Well, I think we should explore this cave. Maybe it has another exit where we can slip out unnoticed.

*climbs out of the duct obviously windblown*

Just when you get one thing up and working again some villain has to go and break everything again. *Tries to hide the fact that he is very pleased that he has more repairs to do*

Thrusters are back up and functional enough to get us to a dock for permanent repairs, meanwhile we seem to have a gaping hole in the ship ~sigh~ I'll be down repairing it if you need me.

*Closes Biosuit and steps aboard the lift*