h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here, let me try that.

*Tries a piece of fried dorn-beast.*

Mmmm. Not bad. Hang on a sec.

*Runs over to the fridge and pulls out a slab of meat. Cuts off a few slices and runs back.*

Here, try this. It's roast Hellhound.

Roast hellhound? They aren't too tough, are they?

*Takes a bite*

Hey, that's not bad! Tastes something like swordfish. Okay, how about this: platypus pot pie, complete with a side of stewed spenseweed!

*Tastes both.*

Well, I like the Platypus, but I don't think I like the spensweed.

*Goes to oven and pulls out a covered dish*

How about some bloodworm cassarole?

*Nervously takes a bite*

Hmmm. Can't say that it's the best food I've ever eaten, but it's not too bad. Try it with this.

*Pulls out a bottle of roc terriyaki*

Mmmmm. Quite nice.

That reminds me ....

*runs off and returns with a pot of sweet and sour hungus.*

*Grimaces*

You've never played ZGI, so I don't blame you.

*Takes a taste*

Not bad, but it could use some salt.

*Puts up a sign saying : VOTE FOR CELERY! Watches the interest of some of the plants*

*Ranger Triff strides up after reading the sign. He writes on his pad:*

CAN I HELP WITH CAMPAIN?

Well, Triff, I think most of the postions are filled, but if something comes up that is suited to you, I'll let you know.

Maybe Ranger Triff would be good for body guard?

Well, he could, but he is needed here to look after the plants.

*Ranger Triff starts jumping up and down excitedly. He reaches for the pad and writes:*

I CAN RITE A TESTAMONEAL LETTER.

Yes, yes ... that would work, Triff. Good idea. Why don't you write a first draft, then I will fix your spelling and give it to Redbeard to put on the campaign page.

*Ranger Triff immediately starts writing on his pad. In 5 minutes he is done and hands the letter to GL. GL takes the letter into the office and types it up for Redbeard.*

~Posts sign that reads:

VOTE FOR MASQUE OF THE RED _______ FOR MILITARY DICTATOR

Watches the confused reactions of the plants~

*A vine snakes out of the jungle and wraps itself around the sign. Another does the same. The vines become taut and moments later the sign comes free and drops to the ground. The acid slime slithers over to the sign and covers it. Thirty seconds later, the slime moves away. There is no trace of the sign.*

Sorry, Red. But remember, The Celery has the home team advantage here.

I realize, but they may think differently when they seem that my platform includes the destruction and banning of all weed killing chemicals, and most pruning utensils, including weed wackers, lawn mowers, and sheers.

Oh well, I suppose this can't be my campaign headquarters.

/Red

*There is a rustle of excitement as the plants hear Red's platform points. Then there is an angry stirring when they notice the crossed fingers behind his back.*

Look, a dictator can't afford to keep all promises, but I really don't plan on breaking any, yet.