h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Somebody's got to do all my w*rk for me.

*snort*

What work? The only evil-doer around here is Red, and he's too villanous to be arrested. Face it BED, this is ~the life~

*leans back and basks in the cool shade of the plants*

*watches as one of the plants slowly attempts to eat Chrome*

At least I don't eat security personel. Not yet, anyway. I have been reading Thomas Harris's Hannible Lecter books recently, and trying to get some ideas from Hannible the Cannible. I'm concidering eating that triffid with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. But not so long as it's holding that chainsaw.

/Red

~sighs~

Another disaster avioded.....for now. Dan you might want to keep that herbicide gun handy, mabie even get a few more.

Aren't you the photojournalist? I should think you'd like disasters. Perhaps you should follow me around and take snapshots of some of my crimes, gunfights, etc. Then again, I don't want any witnesses, so maybe for your sake you'd better keep a safe distance.

*Dan begins to form an elaborate plan to capture and arrest The Masque of the Red Rejection eMail and end his crime spree, despite the fact that he is just standing here in the room*

~The Masque of the Red Rejection eMail worries that perhaps two manhunters on his tale will be harder to elude than just one~

And before Chrome101 can point it out, yes, I meant "tail", not "tale". Sorry.

*Comes back in from a week of absence and sighs*

Oh, would you all just get a grip? So what if we've got creepy triffids, acidous slime plants, giant venus flytraps (capable of eating a human), and strangle vines on this ship? CLI is constantly being flooded with pan-dimensional plasma entities, or crystaline energy eaters, or alien plants with ill intent on h2g2. You think GL can't handle this wimpy group of ferocious flora?

*Is about to continue when he realizes that a giant vine has lifted him up into the air toward a giant venus flytrap*

Hmm, this could be a dilema.

*Pulls out a large jar, opens it, and lets several hundred flies fly out. The distracted plant drops him as it tries to eat all of the flies*

See? No problem.

Look, if you're not going to include me in CLI's list of troubles, I just might go over there by that weeping man eater and sulk.

Well, I suppose that you could be technically considered a trouble at Crater Labs. After all, the only other supervillains who were ever around before you showed up were GL and I. Since we ran the place it didn't really count.

So yeah, I guess you're one of our troubles. So, should I find some way of attempting to confine you when I get back there?

Yes, yes, Affy is right. I can handle anything here. And don't worry about Ranger Triff here. He just has a warped sense of humour. Warped from a human perspective, that is.

*Climbs into a hammock, strung between two palm trees, for a short rest. The rest is indeed short, as it is concluded with a coconut falling onto his head.*

I knew there was a reason for not using palm trees for hammock supports. Oh well, as the saying goes: If life serves you lemons, make lemonade.

*Hacks off top of coconut with machete, pours in some rum and a dash of pineapple juice, sticks in a straw, sits on a chaise lounge and sips.*

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*has an idea*
To BED: Let's form a corrupt and crooked plan to make this this Biome a police state and arrest some plants as an example, like the evil security guys we are!

*throws back his head and laughs*

Oh and Red, i don't think you can join in the fun. I wouldn't want to have to arrest you or betray you to the plants, and end up with a massive guilt complex, like when I attempted to blow you up with a bomb in your donuts.

Now see here, if anything underhanded is going on, such as corrupt or hostile takeovers of this biome, I suggest that you join S.T.U.M.P.E.D. They might not like people trying to move in on their crime syndacit (sorry, can't spell today). They'd really not appreciate it if security officers were the ones who were doing the dirty work.

*Flashes his S.T.U.M.P.E.D membership card*

*Rifles through his wallet, and shows it. Coincidentally, it's right next to his holistic detective license*

If you'd care to look at the forum for STUMPED, you'll find the reason why I can't join...

All I was saying is that BED and I should arrest some plants, to make an example for the other plants. Like a corrupt Soviet police state (as I have said before).

*suddenly realises that in that ... mishap with the Big Gun a while ago he has violated Saint Zoe's position as First Officer to get Shot/Zapped/Disintegrated*

*racked with guilt*Ouch!

*Lovingly hugs something that looks like a giant brussels sprout with eyes*

But they've done nothing wrong (with the possible exception of the acid plant and strangle vine, which didn't really cause any damage)! And some of these plants can make wonderful friends! Like Violet, here.

*Holds up the potted venus flytrap. It waves its leaves at Chrome 101*