h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry about the window, Lil. Didn't mean to do that. I'll fix it as soon as the last brownie passes inspection.

Please don't worry about that. Ammmmmpton! Would you replace that quarterpane please. Don't wake Affi, he's been hard at work all day.
*the small purple bot goes down the stairs and returns with putty, tools and a square of glass*

Why are you still in this bad mood? Do you throw rocks at at your auto serviceman or your doctor? You are a very truculent young man. Please remember that CLI never offered CoTB any violence. And I'm just a tenant.

*The wall clock realizes that Affy's overslept, and begins to (loudly) play an awful sounding mix of opera, swing, dixieland, rock, punk, hip-hop, polka, rap, and jazz. The awful noise penetrates the sleep Affy was having, and he jumps a foot in the air when he realizes that he fell asleep. He looks around, sees the last brownie to be tested, and decides to get some breakfast before continuing. He wanders over to the replicator*

Replicator, orange juice, hash browns, pear slices, toast, and some coffee.

*The replicator flashes a "Ten Minutes" sign, and Affy sits down to wait*

I wasfully expecting the rock to bounce off. It wasn't an act of violence...


*imagines that the last brownie is starting to grow fuzzy green stuff by now*

*Notices some fuzzy green stuff on the brownie. Shakes Affy*

Look! Look! What's that?

*sets up barbeque puts fuel on coals*

seem to be all alone out here now..

Fear not my friend, for you are never alone!

*sends Minoova out to the group at the crater's edge, carrying a tray of tea, orange juice and donuts*

Wow! I must've fallen asleep while reading my book . What has happened over here? Why is everybody (apart from Baron) so quiet? Ah good, tea, I could really use a cup. Can I have some please? Why am I always so neurotic when I just wake up???

Thanks ever so much for breakfast, Minoova.

G7

As for being neurotic when you wake up: are you where you expect to be?
*Minovva having left earlier with remains of snack things, returns with lawn chairs and umbrellas*

*Waits five more minutes, then glances back at the replicator timer. It still says "ten minutes". According to Affy's watch, it's been two days since he placed the order for breakfast. Deciding to wait until after he finishes testing the brownie, he goes to the testing room. Notices the green fuzzy stuff growing on the brownie*

That's either mold, an alien presence, something diabolical in the recipe, or one of our experiments got loose. Again.

*Examines it for five minutes*

Its not exactly mold. Something like it, but it's not mold. It's not one of our experiments, either. Alien presence?

*Starts setting up the psyche-scan. However, when he pushes the start button, an error message shows up*

Okay, this may be a problem...

This is turning out to be quite a comfortable vigil.

*Minoova returns yet again with cheese, cream crackers and two bottles of just-opened wine*

*Finishes last fixes on the machine. Brushes hands.*

Okay, Affy, that should do it.

*Affy presses start button. All of the lights go out. Sounds of someone fumbling in the dark.*

Owwww.

* The lights go on and reveal GL with one hand on the main breaker and the other rubbing his shin.*

Sorry about that. Guess it's not quite fixed.

*comes down to crater edge*

Kumabear, I have an extra ticket to a banquet that's being held at l-Hotel Chrome. Opposition candidates have been invited, along with our own supporters, but each member of the Celery-Webjello staff were given extra invitations. I must say, I am very impressed with the loyalty you've shown, and would like to invite you. It's at
http://www.h2g2.com/A404407
And dress is formal.

*Crawls out of the heating duct*

Okay, I think I've fixed the problem. Just had to switch around a few settings on the switchboard. Let's try it again.

*GL pushes the start button. The lights turn red, and a warning noise begins sounding. A computerized voice begins speaking*

COMPUTER-Malfunction with the Interocitor. Malfunction with the Interocitor. Fuse must be replaced within ten minutes or The Crater will more than quintiple in size.

*Affy thinks for a few moments, looks at a map of H2G2, and does some calculations*

Okay, we've got just under ten minutes to replace the Interocitor's fuse, or else the Beach will be about a hundred yards below sea level.

*Reenters the air duct, and crawls off to replace the Interocitor's fuse*

*looks at invitation given to him by Lil......listens to alarms with curiosity...........moves in general direction of away much faster than a bear is expected to...*

*The lights turn back to normal, and the alarm stops ringing. Affy crawls back out of the air duct*

Okay, that should do it! The Interocitor is once again functioning correctly, and I think that the Psyche Scan is connected back there! Now, let's get this show on the road!

*Pushes the start button. The error message displays itself again*

Okay, let's try this again...

*Pulls out a mallet and hits the Psyche-Scanner. The error message vanishes*

That should do it! I hope.

*Sits on a folding stool, biting his nails. He then chooses to bite some of the lovely food that Lil has brought out for him.*