h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Speeds up time (only in this forum), and finishes several tests in a matter of moments*

Okay, they're nanites. Very small, very well built. Enough of them that they make a kind of powdery substance. I don't know what their intentions are, but I recommend getting them out of your 'keyboard' and into some kind of container. I'd apreciate it if you'd send them here for more analysis, but you can dispose of them any way you wish.

Er, they seem to have all disappeared into my keyboard.
I'm not sure what thesjhak HSDG&£$KJ JF

YOUR KEYBOARD IS NOW OURS!! HA HA HAAAARGH!!

LIKE ALL GOOD VILLAINS WE WILL NOW POINTLESSLY STATE OUR PLANS TO OUR VICTIMS.
WE INTEND TO USE THIS FOOL'S COMPUTER TO INFILTRATE H2G2 AND TO TAKE IT OVER IN THE NAME OF THE KWJQXZJVKQXK!!
THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

Oooooo. They seem to have gone bad.

*GL looks over at the isolation chamber and sees a fierce battle raging over the cherrios.*

I managed to hook one up to our diagnostic computer. They seem to have been programmed to consume anything edible in and around computers, particularly the keyboard. That would explain their interest in the cherrios. Peregrin, do you eat at your computer? Has your mom been nagging at you to stop? Why I ask, is that the name of the programmer is etched on the programming chip in the nanite that I examined. It says: "Momma Peregrin".

Ah, that explains a lot. I've warned my mum before about fiddling with subatomic technology, she just doesn't know what she's doing.
She must have sent them, or a creator program, to my computer last time I spoke to her on the phone.
They're doing a nice job of cleaning up the peanut shells. But they keep on taking over control of the computer which is annoying. They play a mean game of Unreal Tournament.
Fortunately my mouse isn't affected yet because it's cordless. So I've managed to bring them under control by threatening to uninstall the keyboard drivers.
Mind you, they've managed to infect my modem. I suspect that they've spread to h2g2, they've been whispering about XML errors all day.
I've discovered that my plasma ball has a weird effect on them; because they're powered electrically. When I turn my plasma ball on all the white goo lines up and starts syncronized dancing. They're very embarressed about it all.

Synchronized dancing, you say? Hmmm, I think I might know someone who can talk some sense into these guys. HEY AMPTON! GET IN HERE!

*A few minutes later, Ampton pokes his head in a door*

Ampton, can you talk some sense into these nanites?

*Ampton walks over to the nanites and looks at them. He pushes the 'play' button on his boom box head, and plays a few measures of "Eat it", by Weird Al. While the music is playing, the nanites begin to rythmically dance. When Ampton stops, they resume the war over the cereal*

My, that's interesting! Lemme see something...

*Affy rummages through a box, and gets Weird Al's "Food Album". He places it in Ampton's head, and pushes 'play'. A few moments later, the nanites are dancing to the tune of "Fat"*

Okay, people, we need some kind of plan for the nanites. I don't know if Ampton's music will hold them for very long, so let's work hard.

*Takes a single nanite, and puts it on a micro-robotics disection table*

Let's find out what makes this guy tick. No pun intended.

How about playing them a marching tune and see if they just walk straight out of here like lemmings?

*Looks up from the disection table*

Well, that might work. I think I've got something...

*Rummages through the box again,, and pulls out a cassette tape*

This is the band show I marched in last year. It might work.

*Works for a few more minutes, throwing together a path that the nanites will have to follow which leads to a vat of acid. He stops Amptons CD player, and quickly tosses the tape in, pushing the play button. As "What Is Hip", performed by a marching band sweeps through the room, the nanites march towards the acid. However, when they fall in, the acid has almost no effect, except to make them appear very angry while continuing the march*

Food songs appear to be more effective, but almost any music looks like it'll do. However, the acid didn't do it. Thankfully, they're still contained, but we need to figure out what they act like before continuing any experiments to get rid of them.

*Turns back to the disection table*

But music is probably the key to their defeat. Hey, what's this?

*Intensifies the magnifying glass he was looking through*

It looks like they're manufactured in a similar fashion as the polka guns. Except it's almost like they reverse the effect. OR a negative effect. And a negative and a positive make zero. Can someone hand me a polka gun? I want to try something...

*hands Affi her polka gun*

Hmm. Polka. I wonder what would happen if you played it faster and faster? I wonder what tempo they can keep up with? If they're anything like the drunks down at the F&F they'll eventually collapse with exhaustion and turn into a pile of mush.

Excuse any mistakes, I can't actually see what I'm typing. I'm writing this from bed and my monitor isn't very big.