h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Pats Peregrin on the back*

You okay? Something stuck in your crop? Want a glass of water or something?

Does The Celery endorse socks?

Um, I'm not sure what you mean.

Did you mean, does he endorse wearing them? He doesn't need them himself, but he endorses the right for every individual to decide for himself, or herself, or itself whether or not to wear them.

Or, did you mean, does he endorse a particular sock, perhaps one that was created on h2g2. Well, I think his position on h2g2 creations is clear - he is for stronger rights for them.

Or, perhaps you meant something completely different?

I dunno. I was just asking a random question, for lack of anything better to do.

Policy statement from Peregrin: 'I thoroughly endorse asking random questions, if you've got nothing better to do.'

You know Peregrin, that's probably a lot better than offering free items for people who endorse you.

Okay, now. I'm *going* to do this.

*Takes the test tube of Peregrine's stuff, and pours a little of it onto a tray. He puts the tray in the psyche-scan*

Should be done in a few posts.

*Matina comes into the room humming a Greek song of liberation, cleans up the brownie crumbs and heads back to the service lift and upstairs*

*Looks at the Psyche-Scan in progress.*

Hmmmm. Seems to be picking up something. We'll have to wait a few more posts, though, before the scan is done.

A few more posts?
An interesting study would be h2g2 timelines... the ability to bend time such that birthday parties last for months, or be able to build entire villages in a day. Clever eh.

Or become frozen in time indefinitely, only to be re-animated by a single post as if no time had passed at all...

And then there are the Zombie threads that refuse to die, like "Where are our researchers from?" And I wonder how many threads are titled "Hello"?

Who knows? H2G2 is its own dimension, not held by the constraints of Earth, so the passing of time isn't easy to judge. The best thing I can guess is that time passes slower in some forums than in others. This forum, for instance, won't have time pass very quickly until either GL or I decide that the Psyche-Scanner is done.

*Peregrin jumps up in the air and then slows down time Matrix-style so that everyone can admire his action kung-fu style pose*

*Affy decides to let the Psyche-Scanner be done, just to see time resume its 'normal' speed, and to see Peregrin crash to the floor*

Oh, so sorry.

*Takes the results*


Okay, according to this, the Psyche-Scanner has entered a mid-life crisis and doesn't feel like working for a few hours. Anyone care for a game of cards while we wait for the Scanner to feel ready to finish the test?

*feeds the Psyche-Scanner some Prozac to cheer it up*

Cards sounds good. I don't know anything except Snap and Cheat though. My poor little brain can't cope with anything more complicated.

*Was just pulling out his Mao and Double Fannucci card decks*

Oh, you don't like complicated? That's the *only* kind of card game I play. Seriously, IRL that's the only kind of card game I ever bother to learn.

Maybe I should make a CLI game room.

I can build great card towers.

And I can play Korean chess if that's any help.

I think I've got a Twister board, but we probably wouldn't want to use it. I think it's like STUMPED Surplus, or something.

Somebody ought to think up a game that can be played with forum postings. The only one I've seen so far is to try to get post number 42, or 100, or 1000, or whatever.

Well, there is Cheddar Gorge, and the people at the Gam Room occasionally put rules to their stories, but that kind of game would be interesting. We could do something like the 'ninety second alphabet' game, where we could start each post with the next letter of the alphabet. The only problem is, with that kind of game you really need some kind timer.

*The psyche-scan pings. Affy reads the results*

Okay, Peregrin, there's something like intelligence here. I think it might be self-aware, but not in the same since sense that we are. More like Ampton.

Hurry up, it's starting to creep into my keyboard.

Well, now that we know that there is some intellegence there, we will need to do some more detailed tests to find out its nature. You know, whether it is hostile or friendly, whether it is advanced or primitive, whether its better with ketchup or mustard ... um ... well, maybe not the last one. Then we will need to see if we can establish some sort of communication with it. Let's see ...

*scribbles some notes on a pad of paper*
Okay, I think we should start with a simple hostility test.

*sprinkles some of the sample in a petri dish. Sprinkles some more in a second petri dish. Puts some cheerios in the first dish. The white stuff shuffles towards the cherrios and appears to begin eating them. GL suspends both dishes in an isolation chamber. Places a stick across the gap between the two dishes, forming a bridge. Closes the door to the isolation chamber.*

Okay, let's see what happens. The first group will either share or fight.