h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And with such holy things as these *holds Brownies aloft* to guide us, who can blame us for a little fanaticism.

G7

*clouds part, music plays and a heavenly shaft of light shines down on the sacred brownies.*




ooooooohhhhhh!

*Walks into lab, slightly sunburnt from his day off at the beach. Takes a doughnut and coffee and relaxex in front of the security camera monitor. Rewinds the tapes from the past day and begins to catch up on yesterday's events.*

Wooooo. Lots of action. What a day to have off! Never thought a simple analysis job could bring such a ruckus down on our heads.

*Finishes coffee and doughnut. Walks over to the desk and reads Affy's lab notes.*

Let's see ... all but 5 cleared. Okay, I guess I had better get started.

*Goes to fridge and takes out the box containing the brownies. Takes box to testing machine and opens it. Begins testing.*

*Stands up. Even with little strips of duct tape sticking to him, he cuts a dignifed figure. He holds up his empty hands.*

That's OK. I've now learned that violence isn't the best way to solve everything. If I 'd just walked in and asked for a small sample, all this palaver could have been avoided. But I think we've sorted out most things, and Affy will finish analysing the brownies soon.

Oh well, looks like everything's sorted out. I'm very glad, cause I don't think a Librarian would make a very good soldier...

*Emerges from the his sleeping quarters, ready for a day's work*

Ah, GL! Nice to see you here. You missed quite the show yesterday.

I'm very glad to see that we have things all worked out. Would you like to share a brownie, Chrome?

*breaks a brownie in half and holds half out to Chrome*

G7

*Examining a brownie*

Wait! What's this!

*Looks closer*

Oh, just a smudge on the microscope. Never mind.

You had me worried for a second there, Affi!

G7

You do realize of course that I would never do anything whatsoever to joepardize my churches standing in the community.

Of course! I'm more worried about contamination after they were confiscated... I'm happy that my concerns aren't panning out.

G7

*still thinks there are some things to work out. decides to keep quiet for now. Draws detailed plan in dirt with stick*

*sends her maidbot, Minoova, out to the crater edge with a tray of coffee and mbougatses, Lil's special Greek apple pastry*

Oh goodness! I'm feeling very flattered!

*Takes a half-brownie in one hand and a mbougatse in the other. Proceeds to eat both.*

*finishes the testing on all but the last brownie. The call box outside crackles to life.*

Okay, we've done them all, except for one last one. Here come the 4 clean ones.*

*A balloon rises from inside the CLI complex and drifts over to a point just above the crowd. Suddenly the balloon pops, a paracute opens and the box of brownies floats down at Marv's feet.*

*Minoova whirrrs back to CLI, accidentally running over the Baron's detailed plan, with empty dishes*

*looks up irritated and tosses stick to the side. Thinks to self that plan would have been unlikely to succeed.....also that if he tried to implement said plan he would ,most likely, be excommunicated.......*

*anxiously awaits final results*

*Affy is going to great pains with this last brownie. IT is, by far, the most complex. Every kind of sprinkle, icing, nut, and added flavor that is decent to put on a brownie has been added. An illicit substance or dangerous object would be easily overlooked if all of the careful procedures were not taken. He's spent the last half-hour alone mapping out a suspicious looking crumb. He glances at his writwatch, and then at the wall clock. It's late. Affy is tired. Perhaps this could wait until morning, or perhaps he could return it to the church untested? No. He said he would test *all* of the brownies as thoroughly as possible, and he has yet to have an experiment result in something that could actually cause much harm. Much annoyance, yes, but not harm. Affy decides that he must continue working, because evtypnwafhnieewnrfe........... he fell asleep halfway through that thought*

*tosses rock at force field...........rock passes straight through......*

??????.

*hears rock hit a window and goes downstairs to investigate*
Who disarmed the security system?? *throws switch and re-activates force field*

And who is throwing rocks at us?

Baron Kumabear, what do you mean by this? It's extremely late for the people who live here, regardless of what time zone YOU may be in!