h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just then the same old nozy researcher commented that bones are made of cells too and thus they should have melted with his body. Everyone told him to shutup. Everyone realized that somewhere out there someone had a real grudge against arthur. Unfortunately for arthur non of his so called "friends" cared and were more interested in reaching the end up the tunnel and getting to the end of the yellow brick road. Merlin took a pocket watch that was sitting in Arthur's ooze and started scratching off arthur's initials.

Suddenly, a man in a white lab coat showed up to inform the contradictory researcher that bones don't actually contain cells. They're made of calcium, among other things. There are cells inside them, and cells outside them, but they themselves are not made of cells. The man stuck out his tongue and left.

Just then the researcher remembered that and apologized for forgetting. Meanwhile the earth entered a new ice age and the tunnel dropped to -4 degrees farenheit. Everyone was freezing and knew they needed to find a place to stop and warm up. Luckily a Motel 6 was nearby in the tunnel (how convenient). The group stopped in and had to spend the last of their money to get Lucy, Liz, and Cinderella a seperate room (is cinderella a he?).

That question soon ceased to matter, as Cinderella suddenly reverted to his/her component molecules, leaving a slightly damp spot on the carpet.

And out of that damp spot some mold started to grow. Our heroes were particularly lazy and didn't clean it. Soon it covered several square feet of the floor and looked a bit like a hive. Out of this hive like structure a single creature appeared out of it. It was arthur! Unfortunately he had taken the form of methane gas.

(Why won't you let him stay dead? I'm trying to set up a story arc here.)

Just then Lucy lit a match, BOOOOMMMM!!!!!! Arthur was dead again by popular demand and Lucy didn't have eyebrows anymore.

(Thank you.)

Suddenly, there was a sharp knock on the door of the motel room. "I'll get it," said Lucy, who figured it was the manager come to ask about the explosion. She opened the door, and standing behind it were War, Famine, Pestilence, some guy in a suit, and a six-year-old wearing a black hooded sweatshirt with a Pikachu pin on it. "Go away," said Lucy. "No," said War. "We're coming in." And they did, which was very rude and inconsiderate of them, but given that they were the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse (minus one) it wasn't really all that surprising. "Death, I'd like to introduce your replacement," said War. "He's the one who's been making your friend Arthur die in all those horrible ways." He gestured to the child. "Death, this is Percy. Percy, this is Death. You'll be replacing him."

Death quickly broke out his poke'mon collection and began feverishly trying to work out a trade with Percy.

*An unimportant character watched the scene from outside, wondering how Arthur could be killed, yet Death stay alive. However, he remembered the story arc thing, and decided that it would all be made clear*

Just then Famine got felt a little left out and started asking questions about the various poke'mon so he could become involved. Next thing you knew all four horsemen were avid Poke'mon fans who collected thousands of cards and products (See, proof that poke'mon is evil, or atleast annoying)

(By "All Four Horesmen", do you mean including Death or the new kid?)

(Well I meant the new kid as the fourth but Death is also an avid fan)
Meanwhile everyone else was getting remarkably bored as the Four Horsemen and Death continued their wild trading and violent poke'card stealing outbursts.

Lucy opened the door and gestured to Merlin to follow her outside, who then gestured to Liz to follow him outside, who then began to gesture to Arthur to follow her before she remembered that he was quite thoroughly dead and was unlikely to follow her or anyone else anywhere, so she turned her gesture into a sort of graceless shrugging motion to cover up the fact that she'd forgotten. Death and The Horsemen were so enthralled with their Poke'mon that Lucy and the others could have left the room even if covered with blinking neon lights reading "Look over here" whilst accompanied by a full pit orchestra playing the 1812 overture with the original percussion. Lucy and the others were not aware of this, however, so they crept slowly out of the room.

They reached the parking lot and sat down on a bench. The bench promptly collapsed and gave Merlin a small splinter in his finger. He cried and yelped pathetically as Lucy and Liz worked to pull it out. Trying to look a bit more maucho Merlin squashed a large spider that had frightened Lucy (and made Liz the W/Lizard hungry). Ofcourse if he hadn't squashed it it would've have done something so revolutionary to the plotline that the story would end in incredible drama that satisified all readers and writers. But he squashed it.

*Lucy wondered if it had been Bruce, the spider deity from earlier posts, but stopped wondering soon, because Stupid showed up, said "Woof!" and left the story again*

Just then in a feeble attempt to rejuvinate the story and be original, something odd happened. A giant meteorite being ridden by Sally Struthers blazed accross the sky in a spectacular display of lights and impending doom. From the tail of debris that followed this meterite several 1994 era computers plummeted to the earth with their screens some how active and displaying the title graphics of the game Wolfenstein 3d. Our heroes weren't really terrified, what with everything they had been through but it was a bit disconcerting.

"All of these falling computers are making it rather difficult to think about the problem at hand," Merlin helpfully pointed out.

"Which is?" Lucy asked.

"Getting Death to stop playing Pokemon, and getting my powers back from the late Possilby Arthur."

"Merlin," Lucy began . . .

Then a giant spleenlike creature wearing a top hat came up to them and said,

"How do you do? I understand your main character has recently been, shall we say, killed off. Being quite a literary expert myself I recognise the need for all stories to have main characters, so I would like to volunteer my services. My name's Main Character XIV."

Main Character XIV then stuck out an artery for them to shake, but before they could think of some excuse not to, Diputs the dog appeared and began trying to eat the giant spleenlike creature.

(Let's just say that lucy was cut off when speaking by the spleen thing. That way we won't have to disregard one of the posts.)

Main Character XIV began screaming like a little girl, who was screaming like a little boy, who was screaming like a cat, who etc...

Anyway, as the screams died down and nothing but organ liquid was left, there was suddenly a vacuum in place. It was a character vacuum. With no main character a blank spot was in the very fabric of the story. This low character pressure system was surrounded by the higher pressure character and storylines surrounding it which then pushed in on it from all sides until one character had taken the place of the former main character. The story was now centered on, Phrank, the until now unintroduced character who leaved under a bridge near where the rest of our heroes were.