h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(I must agree with you. I think it was the Superbowl Episode where Homer found out that his tickets were made of graham crackers, or something)

War turned to Lucy. "Look at it this way: you're the goodguys. Where would you find lawyers?"

War was obbviously looking for anything to hold up his argument at this point, but Arthur brought the crushing blow. "Hey, didn't someone say a few chapters ago that Death is what I'm going to be in the future? What if I threaten not to sign the contract?"

War stared at Arthur for a second. HE started to say something but stopped. He and the other horsemen all flew off. However, tehy forgot to take the fourth horse, so . . .

...it exploded (luckily it reformed about an hour later). (YOU WIN!!!! Congrats Icarus, that is two points towards an arby's sandwhich, you only need 273,053 points more to get the sandwhich, 309,605 if you want it to include bread.)
Death scraped horse off his shoe and the group continued on through nearburg to the local gym.

"Why are we going to the gym?" Death muttered. "I don't feel well when I'm at the gym.."
Merlin was just about to answer something, when suddenly he was interruptet by an inner voice. " Daor kcrick wolley eth wollof" it said, in e-major.
"Ahhhhh!" He screamed.
"What is happening ?" Lucy looked anxiously at him.
"They are coming. They are forcing me to head follow the yellow brick road.."
"Geez..." Arthur said. "Guess you are right, Death. We are not going to the gym.. we are going to Belgium to solve this mystery."

"very well-paid teaching positions"--HA HA HA HA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA!!!!!!!

Sorry.

Everyone froze, the scene darkened and a man in a brightly-colored suit and a loud tie stepped from the edge of sight. A spotlight shone on him from above. His hair was slicked back, his shoes were shiny, his moustache was silly-looking, and he looked for all the world like a game show host, or perhaps an announcer from an old TV show. Which was, more or less precisely what he was. He lifted his microphone and spoke. "Thank you, thank you, aren't they wonderful? Let's have a big hand for all our players." Applause seemed to come from everywhere at once and yet nowhere in particular. "The precending time-delayed maniacal laughter is brought to you by our friends at..." He paused, and a sign came down from the sky bearing a logo which seemed entirely made of unidentifiable, vaguely inedible foodstuffs, then he continued. "...Ackersmash foods! Ackersmash: for 30 years the leader in culinary innovation." The applause came again. "And now we return you to your regularly scheduled programming already in progress." He stepped out of the spotlight and faded away in a burst of static. The sign disappeared. The spotlight went out. The lights returned and everyoned started moving again.

The group couldn't afford a trip to belgium so they grabbed on to the wheels of a concord jet and promptly fell into a lake on the outskirts of belgium. Somewhere on the lake front a young bird was learning to fly and it fell towards the ground screaming "tweet! tweet! tweet! (translated: POOP NUGGETS!!)"

"Ah, so there you are!" A blue lizard stood waiting for them. "I've been expecting you," she smiled.
"Hello, Liz..." Lucy muttered.
Just then a poor, innocent Bulgarian came by.
"Any one you seen my unicycle? It was made entirely of Bob Evans Breakfast sausage," he said. "Yeah, and I lost my rubber chicken too!"

We call him poor because just then the entire group leapt onto him and gave him several swift knee jabs to the groin. They then casually walked towards the closest nearby town without noticing the giant weasel shaped clouds that hovered ominously above.

Well, not true. Arthur noticed, but didn't want to get kneed in the groin. Anyway, as they were about to enter Belgium, Merlin fell to the ground, crying.

"Will the madness never end! I've been trying to get to this place since the time that Arthur and I didn't even have a real name, since when the story made sense, since the time the weasels made their first appearance! I know that something *SOMETHING* is gonna happen to cause us to get taken off track again! It doesn't matter, we'll never get out of this! We're doomed to wander about like this for the rest of eternity!"

"Done yet?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Merlin quickly interjected: "Who said 'lets go'?"
The group turned around to see an incredible distracting thing that was goind to stop them from entering belgium, oh wait, no it was just a cocky parrot. They continued on the road and started noticing a flock of flamingos following them (flock it right, right?). It wouldn't have been all that disturbing except that the flamingos seemed to focus on our heroes and were all wearing dark sunglasses.

Our heroes looked at the flamingoes in order to get the source of there disturbingness out into the open as soon as possible.

On cue, the flamingoes all whipped off their sunglasses, and revealed themselves to be not flamingoes at all, but mauve weasels! Our heroes felt galactically stupid for having fallen for such a pathetic disguise, but were calmed by the fact that they were the heroes of the story and would later be featured in breakfast cereals, so they couldn't be too stupid.

Just then the weasels took out their contact lenses an revealed themselves to be flamingos.
Our heroes felt galactically stupid for having fallen for such a pathetic disguise, but were calmed by the fact that they were the heroes of the story and would later be featured in breakfast cereals, so they couldn't be too stupid.

Just then, the flamingos put on funny Groucho Glasses (the ones with the fake nose and moustache) and revealed themselves to be weasels.
Our heroes felt galactically stupid for having fallen for such a pathetic disguise, but were calmed by the fact that they were the heroes of the story and would later be featured in breakfast cereals, so they couldn't be too stupid.
"On the other hand, we've just been fooled by the same pathetic disguise three times in a row," interjected Death. "It seems to me that either we're being phenomenally dense or..." He paused, and a dramatic chord issued from nowhere in particular. "It's another time paradox." Another dramatic chord issued forth.

Just then the weasels tapped their watches and deactivated the holograms that surrounded them and revealed themselves to be flamingos.
Our heroes felt galactically stupid for having fallen for such a pathetic disguise, but were calmed by the fact that they were the heroes of the story and would later be featured in breakfast cereals, so they couldn't be too stupid

Just then, the flamingos put on big rubber chicken outfits, and revealed themselves to be a gam of mauve weasels.

Our heroes were getting a bit tired of this, and said so. However, when Arthur said so, the temporal loop of non-creativity that the next/present researcher had been stranded in demolished, and the gam of mauve weasels turned out to be, in actuallity, the three blind mice, back for revenge.

Unfortunately for the mice, a large wagon wheel crushed them as it rolled towards our heroes. It stopped inches from Arthur and several oddly dressed men grabbed our heroes and threatened them with what appeared to be very small pitchforks shaped like pistols. It was just as they had feared, they were being kidnapped by the ... ... AMISH MAFIA!!!

"Where are all these dramatic chords coming from?" asked Arthur. "I don't know, I assumed it was you," responded Lucy. "Why would I make dramatic chords?"
"Abuse of power?"
"I can't control my magic, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Hmm. Odd, that."
FX:Dramatic Chord
"There it is again."

The lead Amish Mafia man said in his odd 17th century accent "Continue with the Silence, English!"
The other bearded gentlemen ushered the group into the wagon and after checking the horse's hooves the wagon started up. Our heroes moved their eyes around the wagon occasionly catching eachother's sight. Finally the wagon reached a large farm (Amish ofcourse) about 2 miles down the road.

Another dramatic chord sounded... and they realised that it was in fact caused by Arnold, who had indigestion. "Sorry," said Arnold sheepishly. "I was hoping you'd just assume it was sound effects or something." Arnold then began to wonder whether he was still actuall in the story, and if so, how he could fit in the wagon.

Well, he is in the story now so the wagon is pretty darn huge. The Amish forced our heroes into a red barn with their tiny pitch forks shaped like guns (now on referred to as pfuns or whatever). Lucy asked one of the bearded gentlemen what they wanted and he...