h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(It's happening again! Don't let the story die!)
They were in fact still exactly where they were, but due to a one-in-a-quadrillion chance all the air molecules in the immediate area had the same idea and increased their refraction index drastically. The practical result of this is that our heroes are, for all intents and purposes, invisible. Air molecules are tempermental things with very short attention spans, so it's only a matter of time before they find something more exciting to do.

That more exciting thing, ping pong. The air molecules just couldn't get enough of it. Finally, Stewart the air molecule, the very responsible air molecule, made everyone get back to work. So our heroes were rendered visible again, which wasn't to their liking. The giant robotic war machine inched closer and closer, closer and closer, its giant metal hinges screeching and scraping against eachother. On a side note, it was actually quite old. Most modern robot killing machines stopped using giant mechanical legs atleast 80 years before, but they never quite had the same traction and braking so the picky ruler of the world only used "classic" killing machines, despite the issue of fuel economy. Oh, and the robot inched closer and closer...

Suddenly a loud, very metallic "OW!" was heard. Everyone looked towards the war machine... It was sitting on it's hanches and holding one forepaw to it's .. well.. maw.. When it saw everyone looking it said, "What? I stubbed my toe, is that so surprising? You try being dragged out of the mothballs for some picky ruler and trying to act menacing at 80 years old and see how good -you- walk!" Then it wimpered and went back to licking it's injured paw.

Now those watching didn't know wheter to shoot the thing or offer it a hug of sympathy...

It acutally matter which of the options the audience preffered, for then, suddenly, their attention was taken by something else. Something big and green, singing quitely, came closer and closer,and the sound they were making grew louder and louder! "Oh no....!" Lucy thought, and faited as she understood what is was. As it came closer they could all see: it was a flock of weasles, carrying a dead elephant, singing "We're off to see the wizard.." very out of tune, and in D-minor.
Puzzled Merlin rembered something about following a yellow brick road, and singing something bacwards in E-major.

As is of course well known, things that fly are infinitely more threatening than things that walk, especially when the flying things are things that don't generally, for want of a better word, fly. The flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz are a prime example of this. Inverse Yellow Brick E, the cult started by a group of mauve weasels, had long ago done research into this phenomenon and confirmed it as being accurate and worked out the precise increase in fear to 16 decimal places. This information, coupled with the knowledge that green is the most visible color for humans, allowed Emerald Wizard D to successfully split from Inverse Yellow Brick E in the year 2163 by intimidating them by flying around and being green. The dead elephant was a later addition when it was determined that people were more likely to flee from an unpleasant smell than from a pleasant one.

That being said, it seemed that the heretofore injured war machine happened to be an avid fan of dead elephant meat, and he/she/it promptly fell to devouring the nasty smelling carcass. The gam, surprise at this behaviour being a gross understatement, immediately stopped their song and gathered to converse with their leaders. Just to confuse them more, our tiny group of heros started chanting "You're a humbug" at the top of their collective voice. The weasels thought this annoying and said, "...

"Well..you! You are just... you are stupid, are you!" This really upset our heroes, and Lucy started crying until Merling pinched her in her arm saying "Stop whining, will you!" She then pulled herself together. "Right", she said then.
"You are just having a very short vocabulary!" she shouted at the weasels, who confused tried to find out what a vocabulay was.
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away....

...George Lucas' lawyers were frantically scrambling to find some way to make money off the preceding sentence. But that doesn't really matter now, as everybody's too confused at the moment to care. The weasels are confused because the mechanical war machine is eating the dead elephant instead of running away from its stench. The pilot of the mechanical war machine is confused because he didn't know that mechanical war machines could actually eat anything. He is also perturbed because he really would like to run away from the stench. Lucy is confused because things are being, well, confusing. And, of course, Arthur is confused because he doesn't know whether he's alive or not. On the other hand, nobody else knows the answer to this question, so he's not alone. Nobody, that is, except (dramatic chord) That One Guy.

(I've been gone so long that my h2g2 cookies wore off)

Yes, that One Guy. If ever there was someone who was indescribable, it was him. He is, well, indescribable. In other words, he is indescribable. Unless of course you count the fact that he is 123.583 lbs, 3'5" tall, and covered in red hair from head to toe. Come to think of it, he was remarkably describable.

Meanwhile, back in the ruler of the world's apartment, something was happening. The beautiful metallic-like walls glistened, but more than usually. The hologram panels whirred and buzzed with a renewed fervor. The sleek yet cushioned floor seemed to be steadily sinking towards the middle of the room. The indestructible and forever-lasting lights seemed to flicker and the smell of some type of charge was in the air. In fact, the air itself was anxious. That ended quickly when the air realized it wasn't sentient and thus couldn't be anxious or even realize that it couldn't.

zzzzzzzzzzzzZAAAAP!!!!

The room went quiet, but it was obvious that some new presence was in it. A very strang presence indeed.

And this new precense had, strangely enough, the shape of a human being inside a black hood. The hood was removed, and suddenly everyone could clearly see who it really was: Karl Marx!

Who presented a proposal from Mattel to produce Arthur dolls for Xmas.

'Nonnie

The readers of the story were quite confused as to why the creator of communism was suddenly involved with earning large corporations more money, but they accepted it.

Marx looked around the apartment, and with each turn a slight whirring noise seemed to be heard.

His body stayed in place, yet he seemed to have viewed the whole room with one swivel. And that's exactly what it was, a swivel. Not a natural movement.

Finally his neck snapped back into place with a large clanc and whirring of gears. Yes, it was Karl Marx, but he was now a robot from the future future (since we are already in the future, he has arrived from even further into the future)

The mauve weasles didn't really react, but Lucy and Merlin did. Especially when they saw, that behind the Karl Marx robot was another robot.. looking exactly like Arthur! In fact, it turned out, it really was him.

Only he was 198 years old! He quickly hit the robotic Karl Marx with a lead pipe and ran, or more correctly, briskly walked towards his friends. His long beard was covered with greece and french-fries (known as chips to you brits). He quickly explained in a hoarse and aged voice that he had followed the robotic Karl Marx from the future to stop him from some evil plot not yet introduced but not involving mauve weasels.

They all turned in horror to see robot Marx's eyes lighting up with an eerie red glow.

It was then that they all seemed to recall at the same moment one annoying pink bunny and someone ran over to remove Marx's batteries.

'Nonnie

Lucy walked around Marx in circles trying to find the damned battery spot. She finally found some sort of panel and while the others distracted him, she pryed it open. What she found inside did involve his power source but it was quite discouraging. It seems that he was powered by radiation that was still present in the future from the famous russian nuclear disaster. If they wanted to wait for his battery to die out, they would have to wait another 8,000 years give or take a hundred.

Just then the others in the story said that those numbers didn't make too much sense since they weren't sure how much time had actually elapsed from the explosion to Robot Marx's time. So they demanded a recount.

(How could I resist Though I am going insane watching Gore lose)

Then again, they realised that a recount would simply be too boring.. they decided to go to court!

Immediately upon reaching this decision, the robot fell over and failed to get back up. "Is it...dead?" asked Lucy. Merlin considered explaining to her that as a robot it couldn't really be considered "alive" and therefore "dead" would be an inexact term when applied to it, but then decided against it on the grounds that nobody really cared about semantics anymore and answered "Yes. I think." He then prodded it with his foot in accordance with universal drama laws.

Immediately upon reaching this decision, the robot fell over and failed to get back up. "Is it...dead?" asked Lucy. Merlin considered explaining to her that as a robot it couldn't really be considered "alive" and therefore "dead" would be an inexact term when applied to it, but then decided against it on the grounds that nobody really cared about semantics anymore and answered "Yes. I think." He then prodded it with his foot in accordance with universal drama laws.

About this time Arthur was pinching himself to see if he was really alive or just a figment of someone's imagination.. *ACK!* he exclaimed.. I don't feel a thing.... Lucy walked around him and pulled a very expensive but empty bottle of 180 proof from his hip pocket.. "Uhm.. Artie, dear... I believe this may have something to do with your lack of physical receptors?" she grinned, winking at the rest of the group.