h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I actually hadn't noticed the pool water. But with all your unusual guests and the odd events that seem to happen around here (plus the residence of a large polar bear) it is almost inevitable that you will need regular repairs.

*Shade wonders where Footbacon has gone. Looks around and doesn't see anyone so sits down and begins to .* "Ooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmm Ooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm."

hmm, you're right, having Hilary stampeding around can't be doing much for the hotel...

Ok! When would you like to start?

You said something about oysters on pipes, also I noticed a robot laying behind the bar. I can put my own stuff away if you give me directions to my room.

*Shade walks down the hall to the bar to check on the robot he saw earlier. Listens for Footbacon in case Footbacon returns while he is at the bar.

*Shade walks in, leaves a note for the manager, and then leaves*

note - "To manager,
There was a recall issued for the robot in the bar. A person from the company will be by within the week to pick it up and refund the purchase

- Repairman Shade"

bout time that got sorted out...

*picks up phone and dials everyone*
Hello, is that everyone? Great. Listen we have a huge job on. The piano players tent requires some more room. We can't go for a loft conversion as the Vestboy shaped window would have to go and Harriet says it's a must in the modern home - so we have to dig a basement.
If you all pop round with a shovel, fork or other digging implement I think we can probably get it done quite quickly.

Thanks

*hangs up. Puts finger in slot to see if any change has come out. Sighs. Walks back to tent.*

You're stealing money .... from your own phone box?

You're pilfering the cash .... and it's alwready yours?

I'm ripping off the boss .... and I AM the BOSS! That's the subject on today's Dilwroy

*Title music*

*Audience applause*


*Dilwroy kneels next to Footbacon, oozing insincerity* Sooooooow. Foooootbaconnnnn. How did all this begin?

It all began when my father would steal my pocket money, he'd only given it me the day before. If i didn't run to the shop to spend it then it would be gone

All I....all i ever wanted was....was a...all i ever wanted in the word was a sherbert dip!

*Feigns sincerity* Ooaahh! Look at that wladies and gentellmennnn - crying, here *extreme closeup* and she only wanted a SHERBERT DIP! *very very quiet* wewl - guess what my loveleleley - *very very loud but still alarmingly insincere* we've GOT a SHERBERT DIP!!!

*Floor Manager brings Footbacon a Sherbert Dip*

Ooh, wlook at that! Aren't I nice? Aren't I lovely? Have you got anywthing youw'd like to say to Dilwroy?

Thank you so much Dilwroy, i watch your show all the time and i think,...i think after the kindness that you've shown otheers and hae shown to me..i think...i love you Dilwroy!

Aaah! Come on ladies and gentlemen ... aaah! *Looks up at Footbacon with his soulless eyes* How much do you love Dilwroy? Do you love Dilwroy enough to wrwite to the BBC and ask them to give Dilwroy his job back? Do you love him enough to ask all the wladies and getellmen at home to do the same so that he can give up this unconvincing Independence Pawrty nonsense? Because ... because ... Dilwroy loves you too. He does. He does.

*this area is being watched through the door to the bar by Luthiena, new receptionist*

*wipes tear from eye*
Can I have some of that sherbet on my vest please.
*notices broken phone box. Notices plastic in FB's hand. notices bent screwdriver next ot FB's foot.*
Oi! That's my plastic !

I suppose those in the bar are fake too then! Hang on a sec...when was the last time i even saw you with* one?!

Who are you cawling ... FAKE and PLAWSTIC??? Woi - I've newver neawrd the like!!! *Dilwroy storms out in a big fake plastic huff*

Er, hello,

I was just wondering if I could book a suite.
I had this in mind, if that's OK?

http://www.hazlittshotel.com/hub.cfm

Cheers

G

Alright then ma'am, I suppose that'd be a simple suite? That's if you please. Would you like to start a thread for it? Most guests do, though not all of them.