h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the hits the Cat-Dog blur and ricochets off in a thousand ceramic shards which stings everyone in the room*

*a whining noise like the scream of a high speed buzzsaw starts to gain in decibels and the blur increases speed*

*Regardless of whether or not he's succesful in slicing his target, Affy gets stung by the shards and quickly yelps in pain*

*Gets cut up by shards*

Sorry all!

*suddenly there is a lound howl and a red dog shaped object flies out of the blur and with a thunder clap disappears completely off thread*

HOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL .............

*Affi's sword cuts the biscuit in two, missing the Semisweet Kid by a hair (and slivering several almonds even further). The Kid throws his rubber band at Affi and dives back under the desk. The rubber band snaps back into his own face on account of it being glued to his nose.*

*Affy misses where Semisweet hides, and instead focusses on the missing Red Dog*

Red Dog? You! KitKat, or whatever your name is! What'd you do with RD?

Red Dog just vanished!

We have to get out of here *meaning the lounge* and neutralise this bunch somehow so we can get down the lift.

*Shoots his snowzar at KitKat in an attempt to Neutralize her*

*Takes aim at Kitt Katt*

*flicks a Custard Cream at Kitt Katt*

Right. I think I've got most of the feeling back in my hands, I should be able to hold my weapon now.

/* Tries to adjust the knobs on the colored spigots, but clumsily drops the weapon which fires as it hits the floor. A multi-colored mist shoots out into the office and hangs suspended in the air near the ceiling. */

Oops.

/* Shakes his hands in the air again to get more blood circulating. */

*After Red Dog disappears from the thread, the blur slows down and finally stops. Kitt Katt looks around in bewilderment for her opponent. Her hood is hanging by a thread and her long black hair is a snarl of tangles. Her black bodysuit is torn in numerous places and her claws-o-steel (tm) are twisted and bent. Her left wrist is bent at an odd angle and she winces whenever she puts weight on her right foot. But worst of all, her front is covered in a gloppy white goo with tea-coloured stains all over it.

As she pivots around in an attempt to find her attacker, she is suddenly frozen in place by a snowzar blast. Moments later, she is hit by a custard creme and she shatters into a thousand fragments. One heart-shaped fragment comes to rest at Moe's feet.*

*Looks down at the frozen heart by his feet.*

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

*Anguish is followed closely by rage. Moe goes and picks up his scimitar from where it fell. He looks from Affy to Caer, deciding which will be first. Settles on Affy and charges.*

BBBBAAAAANNNNNNZZZZZZAIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!

/* The multi-colored mist begins to expand and descend, turning into more of a multi-colored fog. */

*Moves his aim to Moe Kha, leading him as he attacks Affy. Fires.*

*looks around for a way to get out of the office before the fog gets worse*

We can do it if we turn left out of here and hug the wall.

*Leaps up on a desk that stands between him and Affy and is just leaping down towards Affy when an arrow takes him in the side. His momentum carries him forward and his scimitar is extended, so that it appears that he will still crash into Affy, scimitar first.*

*Affy quickly draws his own sword and parries*

Now THAT's what I'm talin' about!

*Affy enters swordfight mode, leaving other brain capacity primarily for looking for quick ends to the fight and banter*

Sorry 'bout Kitt Katt. But hey, her heart never broke! And besides, I only froze her. Not my fault at all. She would've thawed in three, four hours. Tops.

Wow those Custard Creams are an amazing weapon, wonder what Digestives would do?

I'm sure Kitt Katt will come together Terminator stylie in due course.

*meanwhile hastily gathers up her things and prepares for wall hugging*

*helps with the washing up*