h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*With his previous two targets holed up in the lounge, Russ looks around for another victim. He spies 4 legs sticking out from under a desk and quietly creeps up to it. He holds his african violet high, ready to bring it down on whoever he finds, and turns over the desk. Down comes the violet towards the nearest head.*

*Suddenly it gets bright, then he is showered with dirt and pottery fragments, then the person he is holding goes limp. He breaks off the kiss and looks.*

IAN! WHAT HAPPENED!

*He looks up and sees Russ standing over them instead of the desk. Gord jumps up and grabs Russ by the throat.*

If she's hurt I'll kill you! On second thought, I think I'll kill you anyway!

*Tightens his grip*

*Pummels the gobold with his fists to no avail. His vision starts to close in, but before it all goes black, he pulls a ladle out of his belt and with all of his remaining strength, aims a blow at the gobold's head. He blacks out before he can see the effect.*

BBBBBBOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!

*The ladle hits Gord on the side of the head, knocking him out. He crumples next to IAN. There is another thud as Russ lands beside him.*

*Stumbles back when the whip lets go of the crossbow. Lands next to the now unconcious Russ Stover and Gord. Reaches into a pocket and pulls out some rope. Ties up Russ Stover and tries to revive Gord and IAN.*

*hands out and to those with a free hand in the vicinity of the beverage facilities*

*as Zeppo stops in front of her*

Zeppo, what have you there, you lucky boy?

*gives his ears a rub before he moves on*

*Straightens out one end of a paper clip, hooks it over the rubber band, pulls it back and lets it fly. It flies high and sticks in the ceiling. Grabs another paper clip, aims lower, and sends it straight at Affy*

*fires a spray of glue at the semi-sweet Kid*

I'll have a cup, thanks!

*as the water ceases to spray around the office, Fanny Farmer straightens up and looks around*

Where are my slaves? I say, where are my slaves? All this paperwork is going to have to be done again. And we had better do duplicates. And who sprayed Tipex in here?

Butch? Butch Cadbury, where are you? Come here this INSTANT!

*Still trying to revive Gord and IAN*

*Wipes glue from his face, which results in a rubber band stuck to his nose*

uirt!

*Tries to figure out how to launch another paper clip from the rubber band without putting his own eye out*

*passes Lil a cup of *

Anyone?

*Pulls the paper clip up towards his forehead, aims his chin at Lil, and lets fly.*

*winces as a gluey paperclip hits her skull, then becomes furious as she realizes it is stuck in her hair*

*a little blood seeps down the side of her head but the wound is superficial*

*dials the nanogun to SLIVERED ALMONDS and fires back at the Kid, then accepts the cup of tea from Caer*

How am I going to get this out?

*hackles rising and now freed from Moe's gentle embrace he launches himself at Kitty Katt*

GRRRRROOOWWWLLLLLLL

*Watches Moe dance, with a look of deep concern on her face.*

Oh, I'm really really sorry, Moesy baby. I'll kiss it better later. It will...oooof!

*This last is spoken as Red Dog hurtles into her. She instinctively extends her claws-o-steel (tm) and reaches out to rake the dog's back.*

*Dances his way to the water cooler to cool his, er, wound, but finds it shattered. Starts to make his way to the lounge for some ice, but sees the door crowded with slav..er, volunteers. Finally makes do with a puddle of water in an IN tray on someone's desk.

Feeling better, Moe looks around and sees Red Dog grappling with Kitt.*

Get away from her! I'm the only one who grapples with her!

*Does a cartwheel and 3 hand springs to cross the room, then grabs a red tail and pulls*

*Is just throwing a Scottish Oat Cake at an unsuspecting Witty when Miz Farmer's call rings out and throws off his aim. The Scottish Oat Cake whizzes by Witty, neatly slicing off a lock of hair, before decapitating Miz Farmer's bronze statue of a T. Rex.

Butch hurries over to Miz Farmer, hoping that he'll get the chance to crazy glue pookie's head back on before Miz Farmer notices.*

*feels his tail being grabbed in mid-pounce which elongates, then stretches before a slight ripping sound leaves Moe with a handful of Red fur and Red Dog with a tail whose tip is bare*

*there is a blur of dog and cat fur as a ding dong fight ensues between canine and feline - 'claws-o-steel' pitted against 'fangs-u-like' with ample soumds of barking, baying, growling, hissing and spitting thrown in for good measure*

*Is hit full-force by the slivered almonds. They stick to the glue (so thickly that they alleviate the until now desperate need for pants), and the resounding curse that follows is thankfully pre-moderated by the still-potent Type-Ex*

b!