h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

they don't eat turnips in Bognor do they, if they do, I'm not going and I'll take me monkey with me an'oll

Oh really big turnip eaters in Bogner,
cant turn your back on them for a second or they will have your turnips off you like that

RIGHT MEN (and turnips) RUN AWAY

stop those turnips!

they've got satelite homing becons on and a AA road map, with torch

Well what about there hats and scarves?

oooh no, its balaclavas and flip-flops, they don't want to be reconised

well as long as they don't catch a chill

thermal underpants on and flip-flops coated in axle grease, don't know about turnips though

yes I do they've got that lot on, I'm guarded by flypaper

Hmmm...
does it guard against ?

Bike clips round ankles. No spidies getting near my turnips

And I'm not keen on the mashed potato defence strategy

a mashed potato deffence stratagy...
i thought we just threw till they gave up

you can do thattoss, but potato defence, is better, you fill your pockets with it, leave for about 16/17weeks and nothing will come near you, therefore protecting the turnips

you have a point

But as far as I know, its not been used for many a year, the people who used it could not tell whether they wanted a .... or not, because of smell

yes that would be a problem
what if the potato you choise had the blight?

good question, have not realy thought of that before, I will ponder over it and see if there is a mention in the potato stuffers almanac of 1267circa

you do that animal,
and er... keep up the interest in root vegitation

page 37 & 3over4 of the potato stuffers almanac circa 1267, states that should blight appear between Friday and the 12th, then the said trousers have to be sent to America, but if it appears before the end of and on a day, then its safe to use having before hand painted the left fingernails yellow and moved to London