h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now don't be afraid Jinx. A little inquisitioning never hurt anybody.... Too much anyway.. Well Forget it. Here have a Brownie and the pain will be soothed. -Benevolent Archbishop Marv

*lifts up altar sheet slightly and peers out suspiciously*

Zed has gone now, but just in case...

*carefully dons metal plated everything*

You'd be amazed what at I've got hidden under that altar..!

I think that on that subject I'm going to operate on a don't ask, don't tell policy, Jinx.

Suits me fine.

I haven't had a chance to pay, yet... can I hide under the altar, too?

Of course you can..

The metal plated everything is infinitely useful in these circumstances.

*zzzzziinggg*

metal plated anytthing? I haf tthe inquithitorial mangle grinder, athh bleththed by Thuthan, Goddethth of Dethtruction!!!!!! *evil lathth*

fetchth me a thowel thomebody? tthank you *wipeth faceth*

But you are lucky!!! The Mathter ith Grate, and theemth tto want you thpared - thith time!!!!

Z

You're a bit bloodthirsty aren't you?

Heel Zed!! You can inquisit later. Right now I need you to go *encourage* the chocolate producing entities that they want to give us a *donation*. -ArchBishop Marv

He sure sounds that way doesn't he!
shazz

*thtareth at Jinkth in thurprithe*

I am an inquithitor! You ekthpect me to maththage ttheir feet?? Givth tthem niceth plump pillowth??

I go to do my Mathterth bidding!!!

*huncheth off into tthe thadowth tto ttorture cocoa growerth*

Z

Ahhh... My loyal staff. BTW I am only bloodthirsty if you count the fact that my blood is mostly tequila anyway.

Zed scares me. He puts the fear of Brownie into me. I guess that's what a good inquisitor should do... he also covers me with slobber, which I find slightly less spiritual and enlightening...

*from a dithtant thadow*

I can hear you!

*revth up mangle grinder*

But I am loyal to tthe mathter.

Z

*Shouting to Zed* I said you were a good inquisitor!

*from >>much<< clother thadowth*

Thatth OK tthen, ithn't it?

*huncheth off to ttend bonthai cookie dough three*

Z

Good to see that all worked out then. I do not like arguments in the ranks. Enough of that! We need a battle cry, something that will lead the hungry masses to the door of our church. What shall we use????

-Archbishop Marv

How 'bout "Spork!" Or, even better, "Chocolate!"

I dunno, but I find "Get in here and get all this bloody chocolate off our hands!" may give rather the wrong impression don't you think?
Z-I could really use a foot massage. I've had a really bad day.

If we're trying to attract new membership, mayhaps the best way is not with an actual battle cry. I've often found that the smell of chocolate brownies baking in the oven will attract all sorts of people very quickly!