h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(puts 'Fire' by 'The Crazy World of Arthur Brown' on, as it describes this Satan perfectly)

'I am the god of hellfire!
And I bring you...

(camp voice) Fire!'
etc.

Ummmmm...

*walks up to Satan*

Wanna dance?

*looks sadly at the dancing Wumbeevil*
Sigh...I remember when I used to be allowed to dance...
*goes back to staring at the wall*

*dripping blood and toes, Wumeevil changes the music to the more appropriate Footloose, followed by Santa Claus is Comin' to Town.

Borrows a needle from Santa and starts to stitch toes back on*

*changes music to Fairy across the Misery and invites TB to dance, but she's got to be careful not to stand on his seven-toed left foot*

*contemplates how much more fun it was when she wasn't pretending to be depressed and wonders whether being called insane by someone dancing with Santa really matters*
Hmmm...I don't like being sane it's no fun, I want to be cheerful again
*leaps up and starts dancing again*
Thanks Wumbeevil I'd love to dance Finally my party is partying!

OUCH! Hadn't yo better get out of the car first? You've just run over two of my newly attached toes on my right foot.

Hold on, wait a minute, aren't those two of your little chicken-shaped fairy handbags that I've sewn on by mistake? As an experienced driver, you oughtta know when to let the clutch out.

*dumps that line as it's not working, looks at Santa, and puts on Fairytale of New York so TB can say, "You're a bum, you're a skunk, you're a cheap lousy drunk" after his confession*

*smiles nervously* I cannot tell a lie (do you always have this effect on people?), it was I who started the 'dancing insanity' line. Can you ever forgive me?
Ouch! I guess that two pound ice cube means no?

*waltzes off on all 12 toes*

Well that was an effective jinx
*sits back down and waits for Wumbeevil to return*
Hmmmm
*realises she's alone and decides to wait for anyone to return although she's quite sure the headless bt woman will appear first*

Hohoho, Santa Lord of the Undies has cursed you, that usually happens to me

Ooh Ooh Ooh, you came back... and before the eveil bt voice to
*leaps up again, bangs her head on the car door,sits back down and gets out slowly*
So all this time I've been sat quietly to try and prove my sanity...it was you that I was trying to prove it to? Hmmm, now I have bribary to make you dance
*takes Wumbeevil's hand, carefully avoiding his chicken wing toes, and his seven toed foot and leads him on to the dance floor before the woman arrives*
Finally someone's dancing
*starts giggling as the headless woman appears*
hehehehe "This number does not receive incoming calls, this number does not receive incoming calls"
*continues to giggle quietly to herself*
Aaah well...anyway, what makes you think I'm an experienced driver?
*starts giggling more loudly but carries on dancing*
Hmm I don't know this song, what is it I'm supposed to be saying again?

You did it again! Everytime I post you get there first...although I think I've got you beat this time as the BT woman will have visited you to
*carries on dancing and giggling*

You not only have to bribe me to dance, you also have to bribe me to believe in your sanity.

I know Christmas is a busy time of year for you, what with appearing in all those pantos at once, but how have you managed to avoid Fairytale of New York? Every year it's dragged out along with Cliff, Slade and the Smurfs, and the nation has to resort to mass drunkenness as defence.

Oh, and you're supposed to be saying, "I forgive you entirely and will buy you drink all night to prove it."

Ah well, seeing as Santa has gone, let's see if we can find something for you..

*digs thru a stack of CDs, finds a set of false teeth, and continues searching*

Is Menza here? We could have The Bartender and the Teef. No? OK here we go...

*Pops in newly acquired Size 22 False teeth, dons an itsy bitsy mini, some undies left by Santa, and straps a camera to his foot to make the next video*

Yes, it's Ricky Martin, Drinkin' the Vodka Loco...

*Wumbootie Shakes his Thong furiously to the pulsating rhythms of "Stirfried Cowhide Wow!*

Hmm, this imagery IS getting scarey, oh Corrupt One.

*starts pouring *

Here you all go.

Add a c|^| to the list - it's an Australian drinkie.

*pours c|^|*

Here you go.

Cheers. (takes c|^| and the beer splashes all over the floor. He doesn't mind because he only drinks lava and virgin's blood anyway)

Hmmm, I don't think we stock either of them.

*Cruising in on a full chopper Harley and looking a little weather worn*
-Too much diesel fumes out there!!!

I just had to catch up on days of nonsense here... and why doesn't anyone want to dance w/ TB?

I think you all all way to self -conscious TB doesn't mind if you step on some toes anyways TB's got alot of clearance so its not a problem.

Hey TB be back in a sec to dance if you want.
-Jin.

Ah, that's why I never get any Chrissy prezzies, I always leave out some larvae and pigeon's blood for Santa.

Well I'll make sure and get it right this Xmas. Can anyone point me to the nearest volcano, preferably with a monastery on it?

*runs in triumphantly
Ha see someone wants to dance!
*looks around and then sits down quietly*
Oh I guess I'm a bit late since there's no one here...it's nearly a minute...
*wonders why no-one wants to dance at a party*
Would it help if I handed out party masks so no one could tell who it was dancing foolishly?
*leaves a stack of assorted party masks on the table next to the newly baked fudge cake*
...Although I am a bit concerned about the idea of me having a lot of clearance *tries to work if that is vaguely insulting or whether she's just confused again*

Hmmm...anyway I'm back now so I'm going to turn all the music up loud and when I return I expect to see you all dancing...well alright I actually expect to see you all eating the chocolate fudge cake but still