h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Erm...only 4 minutes left? I guess I won't find out what it means now if you had to get off.

Who's in this forum right now, anyway?

I'm here. I've always been here. I am about to fulfill my duty, to end the universe... and then you will all join me in Hell! Bwahahaha!!! You are DOOMED! NyaHAHAHA!!! DOOMED, I say!!!

Ahem. Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes.

*Wumbeevil waltzes into a foxtrot, well staggers is probably more accurate as he's been mixing his metaphors again*

Phew, it's hot as hell in here. I do hope the heat doesn't cause my pumpkin boob tube to rot away.

Hey are you the dyslexic devil that told the people of Greenwich that they were DOMED?

Hot as hell? You don't know what Hell is like, foolish mortal. But you will soon find out! Bwahaha!!

The Greenwich thing? (ahem) Well, that was, er, one of my junior demons. He was new and inexperienced. I used his head as a bowling ball for that one.

(breathes a bit of evil-smelling green fire, not having anything better to do)

Ha, I live in hell, and yea though I walk thru the valley of death every day I shall fear none evil, cos I don't believe in you. And without faith you are nothing more harmful than a dyslexic Santa.

Go on do your worst, pretend you're Margaret Thatcher again.

I'm off to have a drink with a friend. I don't know if you remember Saddam, but he says his little fallen angel wasn't so hot when it mattered.

Beware, mortal, for you don't know who you're dealing with.

Well, you do, I suppose. You know what I mean.

*pours *

Here have a drink, cool off a bit.

*hands round lemon and lime cake squares*

CAKE.

Thanks.

( boils away into nothingness)

Mmmmm, what _delightful_ cake. What's the recipe?

(remembers himself)

Er... Bwahahahaaa!! You are all doomed!! Or something. (ahem)

Ooh hello Santa, did you bring the reindeer?
Y'see I was trying to teach the goat to dance but by general concensus it's a bit of a silly goat and it can't progress pass the hand jive...which whilst is quite clever for a goat it does very little to get people in a partying mood

Anyway, have a drink...or there's still some crisps left...actually if you're Santa I ought to find some mince pies for you

Hiya Wumbeevil, you got here, thanks I appreciate the dancing...although it doesn't seem to have helped as there's still only me dancing
*realises that Hanson is currently playing so goes over to put some music on*
Aaah that's better

Charlie Daniels? The Devil went down to Lapland?

I saw Saddam Kissin' Santa Claus?

This hells on fire...
*wonders why everyone's naming songs*
Why's everyone naming songs?
*realises it's only Wumbeevil naming songs*
Oh it's only Wumbeevil naming songs
*wonders if Wumbeevil's drunk enough yet to start the party dancing*
Wumbeevil are you drunk enough yet to start the party dancing?
*realises she's finally learnt to think before she speaks*
Do you know I think I've finally learnt to think before I speak?
*realises she doesn't like it so stops*

You're all insane.

Not such a bad thing in my profession, mind you.

Hey, you've stopped speaking, does this mean you've stopped thinking? Stay clear of hospitals just now.

Another couple of Hot Toddies and I'll be ready to pour myself onto the floor. In the meantime just Dance Yourself Dizzy. Are all these handbags yours?

Just let me know what the music is. How about Hot Diggity by Perry Comatose? Devil Wooman by Sir Cliff?

I'm in my dancing dress actually...
*looks around in a cross a manner a fairy can get*
And there's still no-one else dancing so I guess there's nothing else for it...
*grabs Santas hand and drags him on to the dance floor*
Wait here...
*drags Wumbeevil up from off the floor and carefully places him on to the dance floor*
Hold on...
*marks a spot for The Corrupt one to dance on*
That should do it...
*Puts 'Now the greatest party dance music ever invented to get people dancing at a party where no one's dancing 2000' CD on*
Right off we g
*starts everyone off dancing and then joins in*
This is better

*resisting the music*

Hell, I can't dance when I'm sober!

*somehow procures more kegs of P.G.G.B.*

That should do it...

*headache sets in*

Or, maybe not...

Aaaaw it's nothing a good dance won't cure...
*takes The Corrupt Ones hand and starts dancing*
See that's not so bad...
*notices The Corrupt one wince in pain*
Aaah come on, what do you expect if you turn up for a party, you have to dance
*sprinkles some fairy dust about and The Corrupt One's headache is instantly cured*
See now you have no excuse...well no headache excuse anyway

(Dances as infernally as possible)

Drink! Drink and be merry! For tomorrow you die.

Literally.