h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is that a promise? You'll be doing me a favor!

I agree to take on 3 jobs for you...not 1, but 3...and you give me nothing but grief. You saddle me with a fifth-rate, smelly beard, you're too cheap to order food for the snacks wagon and expect me to sell stolen donuts, and now you want to decide what tattoos I'll have. You're a tyrant! I'm calling my lawyer.

And is going to be so full of donuts he'll be in a diabetic coma!

*takes out a pair of very sharp scissors and cuts 2 feet off of her beard*

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*glues it back on*

We have to turn a profit! And you only have two jobs!

3 jobs. Bearded Lady, Tattooed Lady, and refreshment vendor. That's 3. And you've threatened to make me be my own barker. I can't do it because my voice is too soft. Otherwise I would have probably agreed to that too. Because I'm such a try-to-get-along person.

Bearded and tattooed lady are the same job. It's Bearded Tattooed Lady

I would never threaten the 42nd Wonder of the World!

Well, since we must be technical and precise, you did threaten to ban my act from every circus in Dayton.

All this has given me a headache.

Here, have a fresh blackberry . I saved some for us. That should make me feel better. As long as I don't get crumbs in my beard. And a cup of would be nice.

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No, from Oakwood, which doesn't allow anything fun anyway

Is Oakwood a suburb of Dayton, or farther away than that? Don't make me get out my atlas.

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Oakwood is right next to Dayton

It's a rich town, so almost everyone else hates us

Life is filled with burdens. You just have to be strong. For yourself. For your family. For

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Well that's why we never leave the dome...

(The nickname for Oakwood)

It's in my entry, which I can't find

I'll look it up and read it when I get home tonight. I need to do some work here.

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Darn. Work, eh?

I'm getting your Personal Space done right now by the way...

Jodan, I have come across a source for artificial beards made of yak hair. The longest length available is 3 feet which would go well with my height. And they'll throw in a tattoo of a Napalese giant eating a Hershey bar.

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Great, now glue three together and cut off one foot off the end

Then I'd have 3 tattoos of Napalese giants eating Hershey bars!

A three foot beard is plenty long for anyone.

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But not long enough to attract people to gawk at you as if you were an animal.

I'm working on my project right now

Which project is that? Since you normally have about a dozen going at once.

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Baseball

And you're never going to do Stan Musial?

I have about a dozen projects myself, you know.

How klong would it have to be? And could I do an outline and fill in bits as I go along?

and I checked out the Central US Researchers group and it doesn't seem to be active.

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It wouldn't have to be that long. I would help you, of course