h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hypatia is the bearded lady with an eight foot long grey beard that she tosses over her shoulder. She also has a lot of tattoos!

The beard will be long enough to use to strangle unruly children who try to peek under the beard to see the tattoos.

Sir Jodeus, I think I'd better check my contract. I never work anywhere unless they provide ice cream and chocolate-covered macadamia nuts.

There's no way out.

There is if you get too close to my beard!

Bwaaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaa.

Why? Are you going to put the beard around my neck and sling me over the walls using centrifugal force?

Nah! A trapeze artist would be a good tumbler as well. I'll have to think of something more diabolical. It would be best if you add the nuts and ice cream to the contract. Look at all the donuts Greebo is getting. And I'm doing double duty here as the bearded lady and the tattooed lady. I think I could win this thing in court.

The nice thing about being hirsute is that I can let the hair grow on my legs. Everyone will be too busy looking at the beard to notice that I haven't shaved.

You could just be a French lady

Well we can't make ice cream 'cos we don't have the smiley. Let's try-

+++=strawberry ?

Darn

= strawberry ice cream

why the didn't they make an ice cream cone smiley? don't the Brits eat ice cream cones? It's the major snack in the entire world, for Pete's sake. And they didn't make a pizza smiley. Or a taco smiley. Who decided which smileys to make, anyway? They didn't even make apple pie. Or green eggs and ham. Don't they eat like regular people?

No,

=Miner

They have

The miner is blowing frigid air on the to turn it into ice cream. Faster than cranking it.

At least they made . a circus really needs and cotton candy. what will we use for that one?

You could be the bearded, tattooed candy and snack vendor!!

!!

Er...

Is cotton candy

Exactly how many jobs do I have in this circus? And what are you going to do besides think up work for me?

You have three jobs

My job is trapeze artist. It doesn't take much time

Well, all of the practicing must be time consuming. And the time you spend tending to sprained ankles and stuff when you miss the net.

Ok, I'm the bearded lady, the tattooed lady and run the snacks wagon. I guess I should add some pop to go with the popcorn. No pop smiley. And I'll need a hawker. I'm not going to be my own hawker. do we klnow someone with a big mouth who could take over that job?

Oh... and we need a clown

I never miss the net!

I'll bet that's how you really hurt your toe.

No... the first thing trapeze artists do is learn how to fall!

Just don't trip on your beard. You'd probably sue us, eh?

Maybe you should think of hiring a beard bearer...like a train bearer in a wedding.

Actually, I'm not the litigious sort. I'm more the turn you into a slug sort.

Hey! That's Gypsey Rose's job! And Shazz is nice to me

Can't you hire out an elf or something? Can't you turn someone into an elf to carry around your beard?