A Conversation for The h2g2 Assassins guild

The Torture Chamber

Post 941

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

*hits rat with an ugly stick* Klatu veratu nikto! Taco!


The Torture Chamber

Post 942

invisiblespace_rat

*ugly stick has no effect, as rat's ugliness is already maxed out*

rat takes careful aim, and projects a glob of rat saliva onto evilclaw's face, then says

"...ecin yrev t'nsaw taht"


The Torture Chamber

Post 943

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

"Def Eb Ot Eraperp"
*concentrates on rat as reality twists to better fit EvilClaw's "reality"*
*rat shimmers and then turns into one armed, one horned purple people eater*

*afterthought: wipes off rat spit*


The Torture Chamber

Post 944

SuperMoo: Now With Even More Online-ness

...hmmm...well that's no good EvilClaw...your part people...but I'm full of bull...er...never mind that...Hey look he's trying to take over your jobs as torturers...you can't have that can you? Think of the pidder padder of little assasin feet scurrying around...


The Torture Chamber

Post 945

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

what are you cs'ing about? CS=cow "stuff"


The Torture Chamber

Post 946

invisiblespace_rat

*looks innocently at supermoo*

Hey...are you a cow? I'm REALLY hungry, and there are no ducks around...
could I have a little nibble of you to find out if you taste good????


The Torture Chamber

Post 947

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

oh he tastes like beef invisiblespaceratwhoisnowapeopleeater! try a nibble. if you kill him you get the bag o money


The Torture Chamber

Post 948

Dr Anthea - ah who needs to learn things... just google it!

sounds like a fair deal...
and if you can do it while locked up i will forget about the duck killing


The Torture Chamber

Post 949

nullspace


The Torture Chamber

Post 950

SuperMoo: Now With Even More Online-ness

...*unsheeths Sword of Legends*
If you want to get me you'll have to get thru...me...


The Torture Chamber

Post 951

invisiblespace_rat

rat concentrates r.e.a.l.l.y. hard...suddenly the sword flies out of supermoo's hand, and slices her/it's udder. The wound is painful and messy, and to make things worse the sword of legends shatters as it falls on the ground. There is a short silence, and then rat's body starts to levitate...if it weren't for the clamps rat would be airborne. Then,


The Torture Chamber

Post 952

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

two problems with that.. A: "He" doesn't have udders
B: the sword of legends is unbreakable. he has a billion dollar insurance policy on it, so the firm snuck in and cast a magic industructible spell on it. go figure.


The Torture Chamber

Post 953

SuperMoo: Now With Even More Online-ness

well even if I did have udders, and I don't since I'm a guy...I would now be rid of that embarassment without anycharge to me...

*puts some salts on the large gaping wound and the beeding stops*
OUCH THE PAIN OF IT ALL!!!
EVILCLAW! WHY DID THEY HAVE TO HURT SO!!!
oh and now you have to pay them again as the bleeding has stoped...


The Torture Chamber

Post 954

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

thats what you get for rubbing S.A.L.T.S. into the wound.... oh wait. thats one of its FDA approved uses. well then... it hurts b/c i'm a bitter and spiteful person. and i don't have to pay them b/c this time i stated you have to die smiley - nahnah


The Torture Chamber

Post 955

Dr Anthea - ah who needs to learn things... just google it!

smiley - erm
Well...
*loads a viper arrow into a crossbow and aims*
If this dosnt kill you your going to be very ill...


The Torture Chamber

Post 956

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

smiley - yikes Aim at him! Aim at HIM!


The Torture Chamber

Post 957

Dr Anthea - ah who needs to learn things... just google it!

*the shock of being shouted at makes her pull the trigger*
smiley - erm
Ooops...

*reloads and this time aims at supermoo*


The Torture Chamber

Post 958

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

*staggers as he is hit by poisened viper arrow thing*
*realizes he is dying again*
Oh *#$& this. *convulses in pain*
must... take salts... my only...hope.
WILL HE MAKE IT? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!


The Torture Chamber

Post 959

Dr Anthea - ah who needs to learn things... just google it!

smiley - erm
This wont in anyway lower the amount you were going to pay will it?
because we will pick your pockets while your temporaraly dead... smiley - winkeye


The Torture Chamber

Post 960

EvilClaw: The Catmanthing

i will bill you the cost of the arrow but... i can't really charge you for killing me.. it wasn't in the contract you see.
*EvilClaw dies*
*EvilClaw comes back in through door*

smiley - yikes i just had a premonition that i'm going to die! *gets hit by arrow*


Key: Complain about this post

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more