h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ooops...
I really should get the trigger on this thing fixed...

*hands evilclaw a napkin*

*twitches momentarily*
*dies*
*walks in*
I had a premonition of my de-
*gets shot*
*walks in*
does anybody else find this annoying?
*picks up various corpses of him and leaves*

yes you should definatively get that trigger neutered...well unless it's a girl trigger...then you should get it spayed......
and you don't want to shoot me...if I die the money in the Evil Army Vaults is useless...why...because it says so in these bylaws...and everyone knows that the bylaws should be warshiped as a god...
*warships the bylaws*

He's threatening to attack with his Navy!!! The warships are coming the warships are coming! Oh wait he's supposed to be dead...well we can bring him back to life afterwards...

*kills supermoo very certainly and finally*
Right that's that...cheque please

No...I'm...I'm...not dead yet...first...first press up up down up right left right...on...on your direction pad...then...then press the A....the...the A button to jump...yes...yes...just...just...like....that...
*dies*
*undies*
oh...and...cows...go...moo...and...you...should...too...
*dies*
*undies...again*
fooled you...
*dies*
*undies...it's getting old isn't it...*
who's the b*****d who stuck a spring under my death bed!?
*dies*
*undies*
D*nm Straight!
*dies*
*undies*
well what are you standing around for...someone get a blasted stick and start poking me for pete's sake!
*dies*
*undies*
monotonous isn't it?
*dies*
*undies*
don't you love how video game standins always tell you to press some button to do something...
*dies*
*undies*
I mean who in the world talks that way...
*dies*
*undies*
nobody that's who
*dies*
*undies*
you really got yourself into a mess huh EvilClaw...
*dies*
*undies*
if you don't do something soon you'll have to become their slave just to pay all these contracts off
*dies*
*undies*
I mean I must have died a good 15 times or so...
*dies*
*undies*
and since I'm dead the bylaws state that the EAUC is worthless...
*dies*
*undies*
So this will all have to come out of your pocket
*dies*
*undies*
all I have in my pocket is some dryer lint...
*dies*
*undies*
well of course I'm not wearing The Jacket
*dies*
*undies*
Do you really think that a mere arrow could have peirced my denem armor when I was wearing it
*dies*
*undies*
is anyone going to atempt to revive me...or am I going to have to do this all night...
*dies*
*undies*
it sure seems that way...
*continues dying and undying and making rude and unusual comments*

*head in hands she retreats to the office for a well-earned kip and whiskey*

You know at first I thought you were doing something with your pants! Due to..undies.... underwear...oh never mind.

*tanoy*
clearup on aisle 4, supermoo all over floor

*pokes him with a spear*

EvilClaw you owe us a whole lot of money
Guild rate at tripple time for every death...

*holds out a hand for payment*

*undies*
he's dead isn't he...?
*dies*
*continues as he was...on and on*

*undies*
Help I've repetatively died and can't get up...

Wile Supermoo is dying/undying, there is a sudden flash of light, and a cloud of brimstone ... as it clears, it can be seen that invisiblespace_rat has vanished (it would seem that his home planet have seen fit to 'beam him up' AT LAST...)

which means...

that...

the rat has escaped.

*undies*
you idiots...he was right there...
*dies*
*undies*
And you failed to catch him...
*dies*
*undies*
what I'm undergoing simple harmonic dying here...
*dies*
*undies*
I think I have a right to rant on and...
*dies*
*undies*
...on about these sort of pointless things...
*continues on in his simple harmonic dying...*

Invis, I wouldn't think you got away that lightly, even if the guild does have other things on its mind at the moment

I'm guessing it's because he got bored. However seeing as all he ever seems to do is steal ducks...can you blame us???!!! You know rats can swim and climb rather well...he could be useful at the lighthouse.

*resets the space-time chronological coordination and cuts off Moo's head*

That ought to do it.

i'm not paying anybody yet. you see. hes not quite dead.

I think Evilclaw should have a nice streach on the rack till he changes his mind...
while being beaten by small and annoying crabs...

*undies*
Oh...great...how am I supposed to get ahead in life now...
*dies*
*undies*
you wouldn't happen to have any duct tape would you...
*dies*
*undies*
or maybe some CA glue...
*dies*
*undies*
just make sure you give me a heads up before you kill EvilClaw for not paying...
*dies*
*undies*
hey look there's some ants...cool...minions...I HAVE AN AR-
*dies*
*undies*
...now that was inconvienient...
*dies*
*undies*
so anywho... NOW I HAVE AN ARMY...
*dies*
*undies*
WORSHIP THE HEAD OF SUPERMOO!
*dies*
*undies*
ATTACK MY MINIONS ATTACK!!!
*the ants go about their regular buisness...*
*dies*
*undies*
okay then...GO ABOUT YOUR REGULAR BUISNESS MY MINIONS!!!
*continues on...*

There is a blinding flash of light, and a cloud of brimstone. As it clears, we can see invisiblespace_rat sprawled on the floor.
His hands are chained behind his back, there is a gag over his mouth and there is a note on his chest.

Translated, this reads:

"Galactic Security have examined this rat and found it to be sneaky, conniving, and dangerous in the extreme. Accordingly, we return it to you; you should deal with it as you see fit."

thankyou Galactic Security