h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Yeah, and Yar's characters, too.]

*NYC, Kudos, Corrupt, Evil-Affy5, annoying Elevator Muzak, combat shotgun. No more annoying Elevator Muzak.*

HISS! Hiss hiss hissss hiss; Hiss HISS!

*NYC cocks shotgun*

Anti-Affy5-Ah, so I take it that you're not interested? Listen, I have a spell in here that demands complete obedience of subjects for an hour. Don't make me use that one.

Hiss hissss hiss hiss HISS hiss hisss hiss hisss...

[There are three of us and one of you. What's to say we can't stop you from even pulling it out in time?]

Hiss HISS HISSS hiss hissss HISS hiss hiss...

[Or that you can concentrate on spells while dodging close range shot?]

HISS hisss...

[]

Hang on, hang on....

*Affy quickly looks over his spell book. He points at NYC*

NITFOL! There, now I can understand what you say. Would you care to repeat that?

*NYC lets out a whiney reptilian shreak that can loosely be translated to "let's jump 'im!" Subsequently, NYC jumps 'im.*

*CRASH*

*In the midst of attempted manslaughter with the business-end of the combat shotgun, NYC lets loose another set of hurried hisses*

HISS hiss HISSS! HISS HISSS!

[Get the book! Get the book!]

*Corrupt grabs the book and pockets it; Kudos grabs the Binary Blaster that fell out of one of NYC's overcoat pockets. He blasts at anti-Affy5, hoping something useful happens...*

*Anti-Affy5 catches the Binary Blast in his hand and looks at it in disgust*

Affy-You've GOT to be kidding.

*He throws the Binary Blaster's energy into the business end of NYC's weapon (which, judging by what was written, is merely attempting to pummel him and not shoot at him yet). Anti-Affy5 then claps his hands three times, and the spell book sets fire to Corrupt's pocket*

Anti-Affy5-I can keep this up all day if need be.

*The fire doesn't faze Corrupt physically, but she's giving NYC the give-me-one-good-reason-to-not-disappear-right-now look. Kudos is getting angrier and angrier, and starts attempting to bash anti-Affy5 senseless with his Blaster.*

*Anti-Affy5 didn't notice the blaster pummelings as he had been in the process of casting the "Filch" spell at his spell book. He glares at Kudos while he attempts to block the blows with his sword*

Anti-Affy5-Don't make me banish you to the void between realities! I've only got one Guncho scroll, and I need to make it last!

*NYC-lizard, after glaring at the disintegration of his shotgun into mere 1s and 0s, forgets about conventional ranged weaponry for a second and concentrates on simple beatdowns. He starts beating furiously on this super spellcaster with his fists... err, claws*

Hiss Hiss HISS!

[]

*Anti-Affy5, while an accomplished ranged fighter, seems to be having some difficulty with close-quarters combat against both Kudos and NYC. He's taken a few minor blows, and seems to have forgotten about his spells for the moment. Instead, he's attempting to fight Kudos with his gauntlet-covered hand (which has started glowing), and fighting NYC with his sword (which has also started glowing, but for a different reason)*

[Corrupt] What is this, a street brawl?

*Corrupt sees NYC hissing at her, as both NYC and Kudos try to beatdown on the anti-Affy. She shrugs and joins in, using her staff like a baseball bat.*

*This seems to be a bit much for Anti-Affy5. He falls to the ground and thrusts his gauntleted(?) hand upwards. It quickly releases a Van DerGraffian electric field at everyone present, before powering down and beginning to recharge*

*ding!*

*The elevator reaches the first floor. The door open; nobody comes out at first. NYC pauses from the fight to search for his pair of brass knuckles. Finding that they don't fit lizardly hands, he reverts back to punching Affy's wizardly body*

ooh, simulpost

*NYC's scaly body seems more resistant to electical shock than his far more regular, fleshy self. He stops and shudders at the shock, and then continues the ravaging*

*Corrupt gets blasted by the electricity, her hair now looking much like a 'fro on a bad day. She staggers out of the elevator and lands on the floor. Kudos is pretty used to magical attacks of all kinds, but even he feels a bit out of the ordinary. If nothing else, it recharged his Blaster, even if it's useless. He continues beating up anti-Affy.*

*Affy pushes himself into a corner near the open door so that he has a better shot at defending himself against the three villains with just his sword. While doing so, Affy snaps his fingers and his spell book rises out of Corrupt's pocket and starts coming to him*

*Corrupt's conciousness seems to be taking a walk elsewhere on the Asteroid, so she obviously doesn't notice the book floating away. Meanwhile, Kudos redoubles his efforts, occasionally adding the odd blast to the beatdown*

*The spell book comes directly towards evil Affy, and being where he is, it richochets into the sides of the elevator doorway and snips around in an arc vaguely orbitting him. In its attempt to converge upon its owner, it smacks NYC upside the head. NYC grabs for it, with the intent of ripping a few pages out*