h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For my Uncle nearby who was grunting

She thought that he'd shined (lied to) her
Till he came up behind her

Much safer he thought than confronting

<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>

In a far distant land lived a ghost

who'd be heard to frequently boast

(btw, reality check - ghosts don't "live" anywhere... )

and it often ate toast
and when in cars it never liked to coast

for of cars its opinion was low'st

(painful)

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a guest in a household quite charmless

would sit in a chair that was armless

and ponder what was laid upon us

(A guest in a house that was charmless
would sit in a chair that was armless.
He'd rant and he'd roar,
and spit on the floor,
but apart from all that, he was harmless)

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A drunkard was fond of canoeing-

Was warned it could be his undoing

For the down below
Were having a row

While the cow with him went on a-mooing



A guest in a house quite charmless
Was told its ecentric was harmless
"If you're caught unawares,
At the to of the stairs,
Just remember: he's eyeless and armless."



My trip? it was auful; in Reno
We met a man who should have used Beano (anti-flatulence medacine)

He smelled like a camel's hind quarters

or a solid-waste sorter

And I lost all my savings at Keno.

"Lard: the kitchen's helper"

The above book is about food
That is mad in a method quite crude

There's one dodgy section
Where it's used as protection

If I read it out, I might be sued



If there's one thing I hate it's October

For that's when I'm required to be sober,