h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy resets his OmeGauntlet, and vaporizes the flag. He sets it to Snowzar, and shoots two quick blasts at Sea and NYC*


This isn't a robot, Sea. It's more like a Golem.

allright, then, but what i have will still work.

*sea glances back at NYC, who is apparently battling a rabid tourist- god knows there are plenty in New York City- and shrugs. she grins and continues toward the GOLEM*

The struggle still...uh...ensues...

*Meanwhile, the phone guy has entered NYC's building and made his way to the mechanical room in the basement. He is there for about 10 minutes, then he leaves, but no longer carrying the telephone-sized box. He exits the building, gets in the van and pulls away from the curb. As he passes NYC he grins and waves cheerfully.

A few blocks away, he pulls over and stops. He touches a button on his watch and speaks:*

All set Affy.

*He touches another button and speaks again.*

Come and get me, Ampton.

*sea approaches the golem slowly. she reaches its foot and jumps onto it. she straps something to its ankle, then jumps off. sea reaches into her pocket and removes a remote control. she then proceeds to control the one leg, causing the golem to fall to the ground rather ungracefully*

[sea] *to NYC* hope it didn't crush anything important...

[NYC] i doubt idt. all i saw over there was some radioactive pigeons and a bag lady.

*NYC watches the telephone guy leave*

EVERYBODY! EVACUATE THE CONSTRUCTION SITE!

*mass exodus; catastrophic explosion*

you could have waited until we were actually finished with the building, you annoying twits! well, at least we only got a couple days of construction... BEFORE THE DAMNED CHOPPERS CONTINGENT CAME IN SPADES!

*NYC calls on his cell phone: ten minutes later, four black helicopters come flying in carrying what looks like a black 5 storey building, and set it down on the foundation of the STUMPED HQ. NYC grins*

always carry a backup.

*a couple cement trucks come down the avenue. the team from both start covering the gaping 7 foot hole in the intersection. STILL no police can be found*

*sea is impressed*

[sea] nicely done, NYC. but what about lady liberty over there?

*sea points toward the fallen statue*

A few pigeons fly out of the Statue. They look suspiciously green.

A groan is heard from the lady with the bag. But she appears to be unconscious, and her leg seems to be broken.

*Affy smiles, and taps his wristwatch*

Okay, Ampton. Initiate the plan that I made for just this event all those posts ago.

*The CLI Mini-UFO, after picking up GL, flies towards the statue, and hits it with a modified tractor beam. It uses the beam as a lever, and raises the statue back to the stance it was in prior to Sea's 'plan', and shoots off the poorly constructed device, although who knows how it would work seeing as as this was an entirely mental thing anyway and there were no interior mechanics at work here. Affy, just for the sake of reiterating, shoots two more quick blasts at NYC and Sea*


Did GL actually *say* that the box was a bomb, NYC? Forgive me if I've overlooked it, but I don't recall him actually saying that it was a bomb.

It is now, Affy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahaha.... *hic*

*seeing as there are no actual mechanics in the Statue of Liberty, it just stands there looking pretty. Affy looks rather frustrated, and can see a tiny figure some distance below dancing a jig*

[NYC] nyahnyahnyah!

[Mew flies over and starts strangling NYC]

*the police having miraculously dissappeared, UH stops and stands. Then! He notices the bag lady's injury, and rushes to her side.*

The statue has no mechanical parts - it is animated by a sort of spirit which is in Affy's control.

And I didn't say what was in the box, leaving it open for later improvisation. NYC simply provided the improvisation somewhat more quickly than might have been justified by the set-up. No big deal, either way.


*One of the cement trucks drives around to the back loading docks on the black building. It is being driven by a tall man looking very much like the phone guy. He finds the loading docks deserted. He gets out of the truck and directs the trough from the cement mixer through the loading dock doors to a hatch that he opens on top of the main boiler for the building. He walks back to the truck and opens the valve that lets the cement out into the trough. It flows down the trough and into the building. Great billows of steam gush out of the loading dock doors amid loud hissing and banging. GL turns off the cement flow, repacks the trough and gets back in the truck. He drives away grinning.*

Hope they think to turn off the gas to the boilers, or there could be another explosion. In any case, they're going to be pretty cold in there without heat.

Yeah, the reason the Statue's moving is because it's being controlled by the slime. And just because their are no interior mechanics doesn't mean that there isn't a possibility of locomotion.

BTW, since you have ignored my previous blasts of snowzar fire, I'll safely assume that you didn't notice them...


*Two blasts of snowzar energy hit Sea and NYC. The gun was set for two hours, so it should be interesting seeing them fight back against CHOPPERS*

i know nothing about physics, except that if your feet aren't under you, you fall. therefore i do not care whether the statue has mechanical parts or not- i didn't specify HOW the device worked, after all.

*sea, who is frozen, becomes rather angry at being incapacitated. she finds solace in the fact that her IRL self has more than one character. evillene enters the forum for revenge*

[evillene] hahaha! you shall now feel the wrath of the mighty three-character-controlling researcher! mwah hahahahaha!

*evillene throws herself onto the leg of the statue and starts climbing. fortunately for her, she's invisible, and affy can't shoot her with that damned snowzar*

*frozen NYC*

I... am... NOT... g-g-going... t-to... lose... this... c-c-city! brrrr....*

*The heat in the STUMPED HQ is turned off, and workers are called to start chiseling away at the cemented boilers. Space heaters are installed in most of the building for the time being, and two are placed near NYC and sea. As evillene climbs the statue, she starts barking into a walkie-talkie:*

[evillene] That's it! from now on, double... no, TRIPLE the security in the entire building and shoot ANYBODY who comes within 50 feet of the HQ who isn't NYC or sea!

[security] what about you?

[evillene] you wouldn't know if I went in the building anyway! It's good to be invisible...

*evillene continues climbing the statue*

Giguschild tumbles from thin air just in front of the statue. Looking up, he sees the infra-red image of evillene halfway up the statue and starts climbing. Very fast. Very fast indeed.

The bag lady looks up at UH, and says (And this is remarkably intuitive of her, considering the bone is poking through her leg, and it doesn't seem to be in one piece)

"I think my leg broke! I don't think I can walk!"

A rather short, but stunning nonetheless, young lady chooses that very moment to stroll down the street.

Seeing the bag lady and her leg, she is moved with compassion. And, showing a strength that belies her size, quickly picks up the bag lady, and dashes off to the opposite corner, where she proceeds to do nifty things with bandages and splints improvised from nearby boards.

"PW. Are you alright? Really, I've told you not to leave me behind when you go off on this undercover work"

A '69 corvette, black with silver lower sides, speeds down random streets, winding it's way through what little traffic is still alive........... the vette rounds the corner at over 100 and is shot at by the STUMPED personell in the HQ, the bullet holes in the vette appear to mend themselves......