h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy stands up, and pushes the giant rat off of himself, and tosses it into the steadily growing pile of sewer dwellers*

All right, who's next?

*Three giant crocogators emerge from the shadows*

I didn't know crocogators lived in NYC. Oh, well. BRING IT ON!

*Affy continues strolling down the sewer passageway while fighting these creatures. He's gone miles by now, and is right under where he needs to be. He looks up at the trap door that he knew would be there, and back at the crocogators. He decides to fight the reptiles first*

Leaps onto the roof of the... livery? (Horse-and-cart??)

...and proceeds to unleash rounds of electronic pulse waves at the SWAT vans, immobilising the vehicles and causing the armed guards to collapse to the ground clutching their heads.

"Wow! I didn't know I could do that!"

A Tomahawk Crusie Missile breaks the surface of the bay. The missile reaches the target and obliterates it. Where the livery was there is now a 7ft crater.

[CONTINUITY] Inkwash, "Livery" is short for Livery Cab, usually a late model sedan. Essentially, they are a non-yellow taxi. They essentially go where yellow cabs won't, which makes their job the most dangerous in the city.[/CONTINUITY]

*Cut scene to the mayor's office*

[Giuliani] *banging fists on desk* get them! get them! GET THEM!

*Cut scene back to an intersection in Elmhurst. Another livery pulls up, and the cabbie surveys the crater*

[cabbie] abdul? NOOOooooo... YOU B*****S!

*The cabbie returns to his car for a baseball bat, and runs at the first person he saw, which would be Inkwash. In the meantime, news helicopters start surveying the scene. Somewhere in the East River, the coast guard is having a field day trying to figure the whereabouts of a missile silo*

[CONTINUITY] Oh, and by the way, EMP's don't affect non-electronic devices, so you'll have to find another way to incapacitate the Swat troops... [/CONTINUITY]

a message is recieved by the Coast Guard on the UHF:

Coast Guard vessels, halt and stay where you are and you will not be fired upon. If you fail to comply you will be eliminated.

*a message is recieved by the UHF from NYC*

just whose side do you think you're on?!

I'm on yours, just these damn Coast Guard seem to want to depth charge my sub! BTW, do you know Affy's location? I've still got some Tomahawks left.....


[OOC] UHF stands for Ultra High Frequency communication

I know that, and you just blew a livery --MY livery-- sky high! >:-| What were you THINKING?! By the way, I'm not in control of the Coast Guard; you'd better apologize, or get your submarine ass out of the East River.

[OOC] I know that, I was just messenging you on the same frequency as you messenged the Coast Guard. [/OOC]

The elegant woman tosses something green and glowing to the pigeons. Suddenly, the pigeons start to glow too! They fly up, and arrow towards all the STUMPED members with incredible accuracy!

(They also fly towards their minions, and when they hit police officers, or anyone in the category of 'bystander - innocent or otherwise', their bites only produce sleeping)

Of course, how many they hit, depends on you; but, if a STUMPED member gets bitten, they chirp REALLY awful poetry at them.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Poetry Woman

That was yours? uhh, well, it's a nice crater though, right,..... Anyway, I think I'm gonna have to sink the Coast Guard in a minute. [end transmission]

[Yo]Lower the masts. Fire tubes 2 and 3 and reload both tubes



[Yo] Navigator, plot us a speed course to the far side of the Statue of Liberty, we'll wait there untill back up from Pearl arrives (Hawaii is also now in STUMPED hands)





[OOC] My bad

*Low-flying coast guard planes, after an anonymous tip, start depth-charging the waters near the Statue of Liberty. After ten minutes, a large explosion erupts in the waters on the west side of the Statue, and a message comes over UHF*

[Yo] Just what the hell do you think you're doing?

[NYC] oops, my bad...

*NYC looks around*

hmm... the pigeons are getting restless...

*NYC starts spreading some breadcrumbs in the street, the pigeons get distracted*

*The cabbie, furious over Abdul's untimely demise, whacks Inkwash repeatedly with the baseball bat. The SWAT team gets rather pissed about their vans, and pull the cabbie off Inkwash just long enough to administer a savage beating themselves, further proving the wave of police brutality brought upon by Giuliani's reign*

[The crumpled-looking boy transforms into a disgruntled-looking Mew, who releases Mewtwo, Vekura, Ketsar, Poxlu, and another Mew named Wem. They attack all the Bad Guys with psychic blasts of energy, and incapacitate the SWAT van.]

Poetry Woman (I mean... the elegant lady) grinds her teeth as the pigeons (glowing as they are) are so easily distracted. She just settles for throwing her Shield of Dissonance straight at NYC. That oughta get his attention....

*sea, who had been slightly overlooked in this whole business, knocks the shield away from NYC (telekinetically) and into a nearby building*

[sea] *sniffs the air* that smell...

*sea looks at the "elegant lady*

[sea] *thinks* she's too well-dressed to be a bag lady... hmm...

The shield however, eventually makes its way back into the lady's hands.

The lady produces a bag as an alibi.

Poetry Woman

(Realising that most of the fight goes on while he is in bed, real time, Inkwash decides that perhaps the USA is not the best forum for him to be crime-fighting in)

For good measure, however, I shall cloud the whole street in a smoke bomb...

(BOOOMPHH!!) it all goes very cloudy and confusing for a second.
As the smoke clears the cabbie drops his baseball bat, noticing that Inkwash has gone. The SWAT team are back on their feet (after NYC reminded them that the EMP couldn't hurt them).

The action resumes, after a momentray pause.

~from the partially flooded submarine~

[Officer of the Conn]- Watertight doors are sealed and secure.

[Yo]Plot a course to Conneticut, it's the closest sub base around, we'll take control of the city while we're there...

*Mr Goriff, former Chippendale and now ruler of all Xanadu, locates a telephone box. He enters. The box shakes about a bit, before the door reopens. Out steps Uncle Heavy, dapper hero and all-round nice guy. He can't see the police through the smoke, but figures that they're all enemies anyway, and wades in, claws akimbo*