h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

but there is still a chance that you will
monsy

Too bad the .00001% has already been here.

Dragons? Figments of imagination? I could give you addresses.

'Nonnie

i happen to know of one right now that is quite lonely...maybe we should go fetch him and introduce him to Garibaldi
monsy

I think that is not necessary, and I think we have enough people and beings in here until my assistant comes and lets us out. Heck anymore and we could go critical mass.... and you don't want that to happen.

G.

Well the Dragon Queen of Damogran has saved the poor kitty, but the Evil One still need some retribution visited on his ass. And that's where us Knights come in handy.

*Spiny's faithful steed Cherokee drives over with a trailer hitched to the back. On the trailer is a dirty great metal cage with a thick green and yellow cable connected from it to a spike in the ground.*

Right, get in the Faraday cage, all you doers of Evil - and don't give me no static about it either.

*the Evil Ones are herded into the cage at the point of Spiny's lance*

That'll reduce your capacity for evil alright. (giggles at own crap scientific joke). And now the punishment supreme...

*Hitches up VERY large loudspeakers to a CD player programmed to "Repeat All". Opens CD drawer and inserts CD with 70's-looking artwork*

That's right! Van der Graaf Generator...FOR EVER! AH HAA HAA HAA HAAAAAH!

oh my god, surely no one could have commited a crime deserving that kind of punishment????

So long as I'm not herded in there. I may be Evil, but I was trying to HELP Greebo!

how about if we all just let Garibaldi off the hook this one time... you know, give him another chance?? i mean, he does do lots of good things too
monsy

While the punishment does sound a little harsh, at least he didn't use Hansen.

Yeah, as in.. "Now he's done a good deed, he must be allowed to murder a few people," right?

Point is... who touches the Greebz, will have to answer to a lot of people. Can't keep 'em all off

*Fold arms and ponders...*

I say we let Garibaldi off with a sound spanking!

The president kept wandering through the lab, wondering why a whole bunch of people had been herded into a cage to listen to '70s psychedelica, whereas none of the buttpinchers had been unmasked yet, which was in his eyes a far more heinous crime than just being named Big EVil Dan. Still, glad though that monsy had said he was needed, he pondered on, considering all the wonderful things he might be needed for then.

ARGH!!! What have I done. *starts to cry* I didn't mean to hurt Greebo, honestly. I don't know what came over me. I don't know what I can do to set things straight, but I wasn't me real self. I haven't be my proper self since I came back. *sobs*

If I have to be punsihed, maybe a good spanking would be enough for me.

*flap, flap*
*THUD*
Ooof! *mutters* Gotta practice these landings in enclosed spaces.
*pats Garibaldi who is sobbing quietly*
There there, you are pro'bly just going through a period of readjustment to h2g2 from that 'other' place out there. If Greebo is willing to forgive and accept your apology, I should think it would be ok.
ah...um...we will just keep cats out of boxes for a while until you have completely recovered. And I think the spanking should be scheduled sometime next Sunday...

And here, I brought a thermos of some nice majic tea from the enchanted forest that borders Damogran. [the propriotor is a friend]
*pours tea into cup*
c(*)
Just sip on this for a while and you will prob'ly feel your old self returning.

}:=8

Rats! I was enjoying watching him squirm! After all, WE had to listen to Van Der Graaf Generator at Uni whether we liked it or not - now it's someone else's turn.

Anyway, he's lucky you lot all took compassion, because I wasn't finished with him...

*Spiny disconnects the big speakers and takes the CD out. The crowd gasps as they see the other CD sleeve briefly*

Yes! Richard Clayderman! And I wasn't afraid to use it...

Never mind, we can all look forward to a public spanking on Sunday. Are the tickets on sale yet? Where will it be? Can I bring a friend?

*Wipes unpleasant drool from side of mouth*

Ooops, sorry, Garibaldi - forgot to let you out the cage.

*Cherokee accelerates away at frighteningly high speed. The crowd gasp as the green and yellow earth cable unravels - then snaps taut. The cage flies skywards in a graceful arc leaving Gari cowering on the ground*

Stop blubbering, will you. You'll never get your Mad Scientist's Practicing Certificate if you cry like that!

** Anyway, he's lucky you lot all took compassion, because I wasn't finished with him...

I did no such thing, oh hedgehog! Gwennie and the mighty Damogran Queen did, though, and I'll bow to their wishes.
I took compassion only for Greebo.
Next time this lovely "walking Doughnut" gets even slightly scared by anyone, the responsible person is going to feel my wrath!

Gwennie, got me some of that glue? I wanna stick around here for a while.

Ohhhhhh Poot!!!!

~Greebo retracts he titanium tipped falsies~...

Hmmm.. me was thinking of doing some major damage for scaring me so... er... ~embarrassed grin~... not that me was scared you understand... cause me a tuff pussy... and tuff pussy's don't scare easily... ok... as long as that is understood...

~Greebo looks around at the assembled crowd~

Thats good then... ~grin~... ok... me will let the punishment stand at the public spanking... hmm... though to me... Garibaldi seems the sort that would quite enjoy a spanking... ~bigger grin~

*Gwennie produces a slightly dented glue gun* Here you go le Great Unknown ..... use as much as you need.

*Produces large black leather "cat o' nine tails", long leather boots and studded mask*

Rightho! Public spanking next weekend then. Who's going to build the stocks?

Glad that the herd of evil people had been freed, the president wandered on through the laboratory.
Now they were looking for someone to build the surroundings for some painful spectacle come saturday.
Should he tell them of Slpuddkupp McPlurr, the big contractor who happened to build stocks all the time?
Who he once saved from the great savanne tigress of Alabama? So who therefor owed him a big favor? He thought not.
He had a lot more wandering to do, and besides, according to monsy, they probably needed him for other things later on.