h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Saying goodbye is the hardest thing isn't it. You don't feel like you've said it or told them how much you love them enough times. I only had one morning with my Jake before he was taken away and I feel like there was so much more to say to him and so many cuddles left to give.

I'm glad you were able to hold her til the end and say goodbye properly. I must admit I was too upset and cowardly to go and see Jake afterwards...I said my goodbyes at home. I still have flashbacks of those final moments and it still hurts even now exactly 7 months to the day.

Lua is sleeping peacefully wherever she is now...

Well done az for being such a brave, loving and loyal servant to her for all these years and especially when it really mattered this morning.

Now, if they let you, heap all your love on Sunny and Azar...I hope the boys cope and don't miss your cranky girl too much.

I wish I could say something, or, more importantly, do something to ease your pain.....

You did right by Lua, and that is what matters. The truth is that, when you lose someone or something, it is easier for the one going to let go and make the journey (whatever journey that is) than it is for those who remain to let go. The truth, too, is that we don't ever "let go" if we loved someone or something truly. They are always with us, and that is something to feel joy about, rather than sorrow.



Noggin, give her plenty of hugs for us all.

I celebrate Lua's life.

Az, you did all that was needed and so very much more. Give Sunny and Azar a pat for me; I figure that they're a bit confused and lonely, too. No one to boss them anymore...

And Lua will still be with you in spirit, on the chair in "her" room, while you work. Cats seem to linger with the people they loved and who loved them.

SC

I saw a TV show last night about Roy Horn, the man in the animal magic act Siegfried & Roy who was bitten by one of his tigers last year.

He actually died on the operating table from blood loss, and had an out of body experience in which he saw all of the cats he'd ever had who'd died, all lined up waiting to greet him. I loved the thought of that.

They discovered at the hospital while they were treating him for the bleeding that he'd had a stroke.

The tiger took hold of him after he'd fallen onstage, and dragged him backstage. Roy believes that he fell because he was having the stroke, and that the tiger carried him offstage because he was trying to help him. Siegfried and Roy both pointed out that the tiger could have killed him in a second if he'd wanted to.

People who witnessed the "attack" said the tiger simply took Roy by the neck and dragged him backstage, walking slowly. It didn't look as if anything was wrong.

If the tiger was trying to help, it's amazing and wonderful.

az



I raise a toast to Lua - and to her best person, who had to be strong and love her enough to let her go.

Jez

To Lua

To Az for doing such a magnificent work of love in carrying for Lua.

for everyone

hi Kaz,

You're not taking anything away at all by talking about Fluffy - I remember very well when he died and how upset you were. And I'm sure that reading about Lua has brought back a lot of those feelings for you.

But you're right. Twelve years is a very long time. Twelve years and two months, to be more exact.

Missing Lua is quite hard enough right now without still having the lingering doubts I feel about having done the right thing. And you have all been so supportive and kind and telling me my decision was the right one to make.

As Maria said to me yesterday, most people wait until the animal is practically at death's door and so obviously suffering that their conscience is relieved by their decision to end things then. Maria also said this was quite selfish though she admitted that she would probably be just as selfish herself if she were in the same predicament. Which is why she said my decision was a 'brave' one.

Again, it has helped so much having Noggin here as we both saw that Lua had been going down-hill this past week. Barely eating and having to hold herself up on her front legs to get enough breath. I think you all know that animals rarely complain when they are ill, they usually just become more withdrawn, which was also something Lua had started doing by only staying in *her room*. Just last week she was happily sleeping on my bedroom balcony at night and coming into the livingroom demanding to be fed some ham. But this week her behaviour changed quite a bit.

<> (Fathom)

You have no idea how much I am needing to do just that right now and how much that means to me, how much it does help.

Yesterday I had a couple of 'moments' when I did fall apart with grief and Noggin held me and comforted me while I sobbed uncontrollably. I honestly don't know how I would be getting through all this without him.

At one point, during a hug, Noggin tickled me to make me laugh and my immediate response without thinking was - 'Be careful or else Lua will attack you!' Because she always used to do this. Whenever someone made me shriek from tickling she would race into the room and jump on them. Anyhow, there was a slight pause after I'd said that and then, instead of feeling sad and upset, it was more like a moment of remembering her fondly. And we both smiled. Remembering Lua. My very protective girl!

Later we did go out for a nice dinner and a stroll. And Lua was with us the whole time, but it didn't feel quite so sad.

Thing is, if she had died in her sleep or if I'd waited until she was so obviously suffering that there was no other option, I wouldn't be feeling this extra burden of 'did I do the right thing?' The fact that I chose the moment of her death still weighs heavily somehow. I keep telling myself that dying in my arms with me kissing her, and before she felt too horrible, was a better death for her. And even though everyone has been so supportive and agrees that I did the right thing, well, it seems I have yet to believe this myself.

Meanwhile, in answer to Space Cadette, the boys don't seem to notice at all that Lua is gone. Mind, they never had much to do with her, other than to occasionally gang up on her and chase her around the flat. They are basically 'best mates' and always hang out together, sleep together, play together, clean out each other's ears (ick) and otherwise have a very strong relationship. Lua was always the 'outsider'.

Yesterday I cleared away Lua's water bowl and (untouched) food dishes from her room, but I've left the little rug under the table that she'd been lying on all this past week. And I found two nice photos that I've put in small desk-top frames - one of her in profile, sitting on a chair and the other taken just after Lua came to live with me. Twelve years ago when we were both younger, thinner and prettier. Though even after age and cancer had pretty much ravaged her body, Lua had a very pretty face right up till the end.

Here are the two photos:

http://public.fotki.com/azahar/gatitos/lua_and_flowers.html

http://public.fotki.com/azahar/gatitos/scan0042.html

Yesterday we had the photos on the livingroom table when we opened the cava and raised our glasses to Lua. Now the 'flowers' one is in *her room* and the 'pretty girls' one is on the bookshelf in my bedroom.

Oh goodness, I *am* rambling, aren't I? Ah well, who cares. It's Lua's thread, after all. And I'm sure she wouldn't mind.


az

F

Dear Az,

My thoughts are with you. Never for a minute doubt that you did the right thing by Lua. How blessed you both were to share such loving affection. My own dear Chester, who departed aged almost 20, is still a fond, warm memory that has never left. He was with our kids right through their growing-up, the most tolerant of moggies. I still do drawings of him on Christmas cards and dishes, like this one:

http://public.fotki.com/Chaiwallah/chester/bwbigchesterdish.html

Lua is with you in spirit, and your love keeps her spirit alive. What a gorgeous photo that is of both of you together.

Lots of love,

C \|/

Thanks, Fathom.

Hi Chai,

Loved that dish with your cat on it!

Yeah, I like that photo of me and Lua too. I had thin arms back then!!! But as I say, Lua has always been *so* pretty. Her head was almost perfectly shaped and in profile she looked like something from a study of 'ancient cat gods'.

My most beautiful girl.


az

Chai,

Would you consider making a 'Lua plate' for me if I sent you a special photo of her? We can talk money later, via email.

I quite admire your stuff and it would be nice to have her image made with love by someone who understands.


az

Hi Az

I believe that when we get a pet, we take on so much responsibility, for their whole lives. Its obvious to me that when Lua started to remove herself from you and started to have trouble breathing, that there was only one option. I understand your doubts, but it wasn't something she was going to get better from, and you let her go with dignity and before it got horrible and painful.

I love the photos, she is beautiful. I am sure you will raise many, many glasses to her in the future.

You did the right thing, maybe you could have got another day or two, but then you would have seen her in more pain. You would have been racked by guilt and doubt. Your memories wouldn't be as nice as the ones you have now. You saw her having trouble breathing, you knew, another day or two of that would have been cruel (but perfectly understandable). You were so brave and so right in what you did.

You know, my gran had a cat when I was a kid, called Mimi. I knew she had died, but next time I went there I felt her coil around my legs in greeting as she always did. I bent down to say hello and then remembered. I believe she just wanted to say goodbye, cats are so wise arn't they?

<>

But if you'd waited you would have had the extra burden of 'Did I let her suffer too long?' And that's why it's such a hard decision.

But as Fathom said "Doing something when you feel scared IS being brave." And that's why I'm so proud of you. And why I'm so glad I could be here to give you support.

Noggin

Those are great photos, Az. A beautiful girl, in truth. I couldn't help but notice the fish picture frame on the wall behind the flowers -- are you sure she was admiring the tulips?

I have left things too long in one case -- my girl Bandit, who also had cancer. She also didn't like to be picked up, and only let me pet her head and back. By the time I realized she was sick, she'd been sick for a long time. I would have known that if I had taken her in for checkups regularly (once a year, at least). She did well up until the last then got pnemonia, but I can't help thinking that she had suffered too much by then. In the end, I remember the love, and the guilt I felt is a reminder to do better if there is a next time.

Missy HATES to be picked up, but she loves being groomed, so this has become a surreptitious checkup, and she doesn't mind a bit. I will never again let a cat dictate to me whether or not I can pick her up, so Missy gets picked up for a least a minute or two, every couple of days, while I talk to her softly.

Bless you, Az; we're all with you.

SC

Az, I should have made this clear in the previous post -- you did exactly what you should have done, and I wish I'd had the courage you showed, when Bandit was ill.

SC

Hi SpaceCadette

I believe cats are very wise and special. I also believe that Bandit knew why, and still loves you whatever. Cats know far more than they let on.

I'm not a spiritual person, but there's a bhuddist saying that goes 'no one is truly gone as long as you speak their name'.
I think this thread proves that.

You did the righ thing, Az.

Adios, Lua. Duerma en paz.
(I hope my grammer is right; I don't completely remember the imperative tense, it should say sleep in peace.)

<<'no one is truly gone as long as you speak their name'>>

I was telling Noggin this morning that one of the things about missing Lua is missing saying her name out loud. I think I used to say her name at least ten times even before breakfast, so who knows how many times a day. And so I've decided to still say good morning to her as I always used to - because I want to keep saying her name.



'Duerma' is correct but is the more formal version of 'duerme'. So perhaps in Lua's case 'duerme en paz' works better since she was among friends here.


az

I still remember and talk about my first ever cat, Sooty. She was such a beauty. Sweet natured, long haired black, with a fair bit of Persian. I still think of of her and am sure I hear the funny little noise she made instead of a proper miaow occasionally.

Lua will still be close to you and from time to time you will sense her presence.