h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Typical, I can't access the boards (or anything else) for a few hours due to an intranet failure and I've missed the dirty poetry fun.

....and out.

Hello all [waves].

'Orse needs feeding...

Bye all [waves]

MC-H now stands for "Mornington Crescent - Hobbiton"

Peter Sturdgess eh? Welcome Peter! Pull up a goblin and have a human steakwiche whilst recounting all about the wars!!

Hello Sarnia! Who is "Horse"?

Hooray, passed the 100 post mark on 5Live. Not with anything particularly observant, witty or cutting, but hey, what's new!

Thanks .. Nice leather chair, you wouldn't have any Port perchance? Ah yes! the wars, well I must say that I played the white feather in the last unpleasantness and was also diverted by some peabrain car driver who knocked me off my bike. Still it's all over now but I must say that MC-H does seem a little quiet at the moment whilst all and sundry are licking their wounds.

Peter S (we'll have to give you that moniker to differentiate you from Peter the Lovegloves),

Welcome to our thread (although I know you've popped in here briefly on a couple of occasions in the past): come and join me in "Run over cyclists' Corner". It's a small clique, with limited conversation, but we can compare wounds, damage to vehicle, quality of hospital care, location of incident etc etc.

Sorry to interrupt your story Peter but has anyone read Phil K's latest ... "offering" over on TN? It is called "Microcosm of PC" ... It's such utter b*llocks that it should have a Government Health Warning on it!

"WARNING: This post is dangerously stupid. The public are advised that they should read at their own peril!"

Sorry to hear you got knocked off your bike Peter! Hope you are feeling tickety-boo again!

I've run over loads of cyclists Pat! Can I join?

No, you can't join our sub-thread. If you've hurt 1 hair on 1 cyclist's head (unless they were cycling on the pavement, or without lights, or the wrong way down a 1 way street, or had jumped the lights) you have to go over there into "Psycho Drivers' Corner".

Hurt them? Not sure 'cos I don't bother stopping to find out! Now can I join?

OK: but you're on the tricycle, with extra stabilisers. After 2 years you can upgrade to a Grifter. Brill.

Having been knocked off my (motor)cycle oooh, maybe a dozen times (and it was never, ever my fault, honest) am I eligible to join?

Best excuse I ever heard - "I thought you were a gap in the traffic". Honest. The prat got 3 points and a fine. I was in a queue of traffic approaching a roundabout, headlight on and wearing a bright orange tabbard marked "Caution, riders under instruction" (I used to be an instructor) and he STILL didn't see me!

Oh ok then! You got me ... I always give plenty of space to cyclists and bikers alike because I used to be one!

Any chance I could go straight for Raleigh Arena now?

remind me to knock off your side mirror Bushy with my handle bar

is there some kind of feud with Sarnia and Kris going on?

Come off it V Max, you neglected to mention that you were doing 135mph on your back wheel!!

Knock it off all you like ... Company car!! Mine's the Black Celica blasting around Wilmslow and South Manchester with the cyclists detector on the front!

Don't know? Is there a feud?

Only if you've got those stick on ears things which go on Helmets.

160 in the inside lane.

Black Celica? I imagined you'd drive a Lada, Gaz or Zil, or maybe a Trabant! Good communist engineering.

V Max/Brad,

Yeah, the "sorry, I didn't see you" excuse is a shocker isn't it. And it's used in all sincerity, as if it's a genuine justification. Had an argument with a van driver once who clipped me and then just said it as if it was the end of the matter. When I asked him what the feck else I was supposed to do to compensate for his blindness, seeing as it was a clear morning in July and i had a bright yellow top on, he just repeated it.

The other one I hate is "Well, I was signalling". This happened to Mrs Pen: idiot turned right across her right of way, and then said it. Twot. Especially as he came from behind her and then turned left across her (we were in the bus lane): she's freaky, but hasn't yet got 360 degree vision. They wouldn't do it to us if we were buses.

This has been a Public Service Announcement on behalf of the Injured Cyclists' (motor and bi-) League. You may now return to whatever you were doing before.

I'm not a communist though V Max.

Used to have an RJ500 Gamma too ... Yeah, yeah I know, boy racer bike!!