h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

::The Great God of looks down upon his Priestesses and smiles, seeing that, ing FINALLY, they are getting in tune with the true , , and ness of life... He knows that this experience will only bring His Priestesses closer in tune with the , and that there is cause for rejoicing. Seeing that all is indeed ing well, the God of retires to His personal chambers for some nice relaxing and beernuts, and some quality time spent abusing the female sacrificees...::

*brings in some beernuts and kegs of not to mention a bit of jerky on the backs of some new sacrificial virgins, which she directs over to the left*
*laying on the ground in proper praising form* Oh God of the , I resent the former statements regarding blondes (well not actually because most of them are rather stupid and pointless in existence) but I am blonde all the same (and am not actually excused from the stupidity rule that govern blondes of all genders)
Aww well..You better ing well enjoy those gifts I gave to ya. s to the world in general
*picks up one of the enigmatic books and starts reading*
Quille the

I THANK THEE FOR THE ING GIFTS, OH QUILLE THE . WE SHOULD WELL STATE THAT NO ING ATTACKS AGAINST THE ING INTELLIGENT BLONDE POPULATION ARE TOLERATED... I MYSELF AM ING BLONDE... ANY ING OFFENSE GIVEN BY MYSELF OR MY MOST ABLE PRIESTESSES WAS SURELY NOT INTENDED FOR ANY REASONABLY ING INTELLIGENT BLONDE SUCH AS PERHAPS THYSELF.

::floats gently off the throne and down to Quille... offers some beernuts and to her, feeling somewhat foolish in light of the kegs of the same she brought::

So! I see by your use of the that you are fairly skilled in its mannerisms... have you given any consideration to joining our Hood? Assuming that you like young blonde male virgins, there are some rewards to be had, assuming there's any of them left after my First and Second Priestesses have gotten through with them... And of course, there's always the beernuts, you know, and the , and of course there's some somewhere about, and the jerky... and the male virgins, did I mention them?? Or female, of course, should you prefer... Whatever the ing case, our Most Holy ing Mission is simply the spreading of the word and the expereince of the , ing, and also So, I was thinking...

::notices that Quille seems extremely absorbed in her book... looks at the cover... Ahhhhhh, that would be why...::

Well, consider it, My Child, and you know, on it and all that, and you know where I can be found should you decide to accept the Most ing Holy mission of spreading the joy of , , and also .

::leaves a stein of by her side and floats back up to his throne::

Welcome Quille!!! There is one male virgin left somewhere in that herd of females over there... My alotment is done ed.

I used to be blonde too. Born that way actually. My IQ ed up quite a bit when I dyed my hair though... If you're not willing to change your hair then you might want to make sure you choose a uniform that looks different from the sacrifices, unless of course you like that sort of ing thing.. just don't use the dive skin/pink tutu/hiking boots over there.. that's my mud wrestling outfit for Pandora's Fan Club..

*puts down her book and does somewhere between a bow and a curtsy* Oh Honorable God of thank you for your ing kindness. I'm not actually included in the ing intelligent blonde population..so as us stupid blondes cannot understand anything I can't really take ing offense ing blonde are ya? *ponders in her little peanut of a brain what this might mean*
Oh..I don't drink alcohol think it tastes ing nasty *cringes at the thought of a reprimand*..the kegs are bootlegged as I am not old enough to procure them legally *grins mischeviously and opens up the kegs for the general order of the to enjoy*
Sure I'll join your ing hood to spread the s throughout the ing world if I can (the mannerisms of are still a bit dodgy, but I hope to understand the importance and ultimate significance of shortly..) That is if you still are ok with me joining. *signs a waiver not to touch the young blonde male virgins and to leave them for the 1st and 2nd priestesses to play with*
*takes out her towel grabs a jerky and sits dow in the midst of the hall* I await your judgement oh God of and priestesses of too..
Beernuts jerky and young nubile blonde virgins fott all!

I do think it might be most excellent oh God of for you to have brunette, redhead and blonde priestesses.. if nothing else it looks balanced when we arrive at party..

*nibbles on a piece of jerky and ogles some of the new stock of male blonde virgins, wondering if it's possible to have the bylaws amended to include non-blonde virgins as well*

OO thank you. I don't really NEED an IQ boost (life is easier when people think and/or know you are stupid )
*starts compiling a uniform quite unlike the ing sacrificial scantily clad morons in the corner*
Q the of

HMMMMMMETH.... METHINKS THAT YOU MAY BE ING CORRECT, OH KEEPER OF THE HOLYETH NUTS, AND I SEE MY FIRST MOST ABLE DAUGHTER APPROVES AS WELL... I SHALL , , AND MEDITATE ON THIS MATTER... I THINK IT SHALL BEINGHOOVE THE ORDER OF TO ACCEPT THIS MOST WORTHY INTO OUR RANKS. I SHALL ING GET BACK TO YOU, OH WORTHY QUILLE THE ING , WITHIN THE SPAN OF ONE ING HOUR.
BATTY, MY SECOND MOST ABLE DAUGHTER, I HAVE HEARD YOUR PETITION TO WIDEN THE ING RULES OF THE SACRIFICE. I SHALL ON THIS AS WELL, AS IT APPEARS YOU MAY HAVEST A POINT.

I SHALL RETURN TO THIS TEMPLE WITHIN THE ING HOUR WITH MY DECISIONS.


::floats up from his chair and vanishes with a dramatic *WHOOOOMP!!*

Welcome Q! Maybe the great God of will be pleased with you and make you "Priestess Q - 3rd Priestess of "

*reads the bylaws of to see if there's anyway she can get some non-virgin experienced males into the temple for sacrifices and other such ing Realizes that his may be pushing the great God of s tolerance limits so she brings in 5 particularly pale blond, stacked, female virgins each carrying a and a bag of beernuts and beef jerky to offer up to his most iest on high, so as to soften him up a bit before Priestess Michele makes her request...*

well ing thanks! *awaits the decision of the almightiest of ers, the God of *
*watches to see how Priestesses Michele and Batty of do with their ing requests*

Quille the

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*bows down in reverance to the ing God of * Thank you oh mercifully ish one. Though hast shed thy ing blesssings upon me (as I can't remember the ing Old English alternatives), and I thank thee for the kind ing decision. I will study the and know the like it is my ing self as thou hast commanded. unto you oh God of s
*done with the formalarities*
I'd have if it isn't too much to ask..*searches for one*

Know and observe the power of the , Daughter...

::blinks, and a large carafe of appears before Quille::

The trick, Daughter, is simply to know the , feel the , and know that the encompasses all... even ... then you just picture the or whatever else you want, and will it into ing existence, since in ing truth, the or what the ever already exists within the ultimate framework of the , you just can't ing see it yet.
That'd be lesson one.


::floats peacefully beside Quille and swigs at his ::

*packs a packpack full of beernuts, beef jerky and , prepares to go forth and spread the by ing as many experienced males of various hair colors as she can possibly in one liftime, and to just generally walk amongst the uners and convert them over to ology by demonstrating the miracles of ism and how the resides in all things... Grabs the great God of and gives him a long ing goodbye, and asks him for his ing protection on her journey.*

I vow to return victorius! And I shall bring many converts to thy great religion of oh wonderfully loinclothed ed One!

*memorizes the ing first lesson of - The is all, and all falls under the ultimate power of the * Sounds pretty good to me! *Sipping her * Thank you oh God of ..

*waves a good ing bye to Priestess Michele* Good s on your venture..may the keep you safe.

*picks up a book entitled 'The Essence of ' and begins to read and take unto herself its almighty wisdom of the *

Thank you for your counsel, oh great God of I shall go forth with my sister Michele and until I can't no more [which hopefully is quite a ing lot!]

*gives Thog a most able and a few festive ing s on her way to the masses with reckless abandon*

::still not on his throne::
Go forth with my ing blessing, my Daughter. Know that I and the will be with you always... although I'll probably leave at some of the more ing inopportune moments, you know . I wish you success in your quest, and I eningcourage you to stop by for some and refreshment any well time you like... you will be ing missed, my Most able Daughter...


::floats to Michele and grabs her firmly by the ears, planting a big wet on her, then floats hurriedly to the keg cooler to replenish the icepack in his loincloth ::

Much luck and to you, Daughter. Make me ing proud -- just don't anything that has ed other ing things that you wouldn't want to ing , if you take my meaning...
Fare thee well, Daughter...


::floats up to his throne and tries to muffle the sobs ::

::after a few moments, floats back down beside Quille again, and attempts to drown his sorrows in a keg of , but only gets throroughly wet.::

*waves a ing hearty goodbye to Batty of *
*looks at the God of rather helplessly* can I er..help? *pats the ing almighty's shoulder hesitantly and hands a ing hanky over*
Er..It will all be ing fine..Maybe you should go out and a bit in the ing outside as well? er...um..uh..?

::snorts another gallon of up his nose::

?? Oh.. no, I'm fine, Quille, thanks for the ing concern... quite y of you, actually.
I'm just ing emotional today *sniff, sniff*
Please, by all means, continue with your book.. I'll go and a few virgins and snort elsewhere. Let me -well know if I can or do anything for you, Daughter.

::vanishes with a *FOOP!!*, taking the vat of with him::