h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

They do? Oh, I had no idea. How come you know this?

Well...I don't know...I guess I just always assumed that in hell underwear would be really tight...

Nah, I don't believe it. My granny would never go there if she had to wear those. She prefered those big baggy ones, the kind that flap on the chlothes line. White cotton things. Very decent, actually.

So, they give you a choice now? What is it, a little piece of paper with the words, "Do you want to go to hell? Check yes or no."

Dunno. That's where she was heading, she said.

Maybe they have a non-tight undies section, too.

The hotter the tighter, you mean. Yeah, sound logical. Or is that supposed to be the tighter the hotter?

That probably depends on whether or not they're being worn by your granny.

Why not cover up that hole there now and stop confusing me. Those flapping undies have made me nervous.

*unfolds shovel, which is strange as he can't remember folding it in the first place, oh well maybe it's one of those new self-folding models*

*tries to think of a good shoveling song*

There she was, just a walkin' down the street
Singin' doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo

*fills hole*

*Now* can we go home? I need to finish my Ode to the Dominator.

Our Dominator
et benedictus fructus
dominus tecum
Ramalama ding dong

See it doesn't rhyme or nothing

Okay. What rhymes with dominator then...Refrigerator...Radiator...Russell Crowe was in Gladiator...

Shouldn't be too hard.

Have to get in that ramalama ding ding somehow... It's so you.

Now I'm being ignored my own personal space .

You two write your poetry, meanwhile I'll be here plotting evil . We'll see who takes over the world first. But whoever manages it I get Uzbekistan and you get Italy.

Did you hear that, Arthbard? Didn't it sound cunningly like my granny's undies flapping on the clothes line? Gee, maybe she's come back to haunt me for putting the inscription 'Hope you get what you deserve, you nasty old hag' on her grave stone.

Wait, did granny's undies just threaten me?...

Well, maybe they're just p****d off because they weren't allowed into hell with granny. 'Hold it right there! Think you can get in here looking like that? Uh-oh, no decency allowed! Can't you read? It's on the sign over there! Berloody big letters too!' They can't get at granny so now they haunt her descendants instead.

So why are they threatening me? I'm not her descendant.

Is it you they are threatening? Not me? Oh, well, then I'm afraid I can't help you. Unless, of course, those weren't granny's undies at all.

WHO'S UNDIES WHERE THEY!!!