h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*poke poke poke*

But he just keeps falling apart...
Look, there's nothing left to poke now...

Hmm...Maybe if we wait a while, he'll figure out some way to communicate with us.

Well, maybe not. I'm tired of waiting. Let's just sweep him under the rug or something.

I just tried that. The broom just gets eaten up by the acids. This is the third one I'm using.

Are they Fred's brooms? He must be some kind of freak-weird neat-freak to have three brooms.

Well, actually they were all mine.

They were three beautiful 'SuperFoldableSwisher Model ITA's ok? And I bought one of them to give to you for your birthday, didn't I!

Oh......Ah...What a thoughtful gift...Just what I've always wanted, isn't it...Ooh...Uh...Yeah...

I guess I'll have to find you another gift. What would you like?

And look at this mess...

I saw something moving in the goo!

Look, I know you're an alabaster fan and all, but do you really have to compare goo to...Oh, holy forking heck!

AAAAAHHHH!!! He's turned into The Alabaster Revenger!!!!
And he uses goo as his weapon!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

*faints in goo*

Blopp! Bubble! Plopp! Blopp! Bubble!

I happen to like goo, thank you very much.

*wakes up from goo*

Aaaarthbaaaard.... AAARTHBAAAAAAAAARD!!!

*sigh*

*pulls leeneh out of goo*

Aaaarthbaaaard... wheeeeere aaare my aaaarms, Aaaarthbaaaard....

*gives leeneh new arms*

Here, try these.

thaaaank yooou, Aaaarthbaaard... drool... gaaaah... huuuungryyy... drool...

*staggers towards Arthbard with outstretched (brand new!) arms*

...?

Aaarthbard - oh dear, how strange, I saw you as a well done steak there for a minute...
What's this? Are we about to and in this thread too? Ok, I'm game.

Well, first maybe we should figure out what to do with Fred's biohazardous remains.

Oh. Right.

I got some of the stuff on me still. All right, I can manage without kids and with lumps on my brain, I guess...

Well, why don't you figure out that while I panic at the thought of getting cancer in my lungs and slimeworms in my kidneys...