h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*popping out of the fireplace covered in red soot bearing an armload of empty CD cases*

OK guys, your first album is being released next Monday. I got a few advance copies here. How do you like the artwork.

[a goo blue background (with no actual goo to speak of) pix of the banned members all crossed by a large yellow thunderbolt on which appear the very shakey letters:]

the BANNED

IN DENIAL

Here I'll play the Title track which was released as a single last night and has already gone from No. 1 up to Zero in the last ten minutes.

*insert CD press play*


"The best part of bein' in denial
is not to say yer not still having fun...

....?....."

Wow;;
Thats the best music I haven't heard in my life Artwork is also really, really non
Non-groupy#-2
-joint....

"We skipped the charges at the trial,
Now we're The Banned on the run...."

(Laughs to himself)

(Laughs again, louder)

(Begins to twitch)

-- David, going for a lie down

never heard of grandmaster flash and the furious five? the first rap group. find a picture of them on the internet. this is an order. i saw one and never laughed so much in my life.

Being nonbassist i dont get a say in influences. thats a good thing because im not a fan of stones or beatles. instead, i think wqe should be an angst rock band in the style of Muse or JJ72.

" The best part of bein' in denial
is not to say yer not having fun.
We skipped the charges at the trial
Now we're the Banned on the run.

....?...."

Sorry UH but 'Sugarhill Gang' were the first chart rappers, 'Grandmaster Flash, Melly Mel, and the furious five' came a little later....

'and now his eyes sing the sad sad song, of how he lived so fast and died so young.....so don't push me cos I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head.....It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under, huh huh huh huh hur...'

*Non-Groupy#2
Sniff
Sniff
Sniff
Sniff
Sniff
Sniff
Sniff
Sniff
huh?
Snif
Snifff
Sniff
Snifff
Snif
Sniff
yeah,
Sniff
Sifnf

Vera Lynn did a rap version of White Cliffs of Dover in 1942:-

Hey, Hitlerman and yo b***h named Eva
Get yo butts over heah'n'listen to the Diva
Roosies in the war and aimin' to kick butt
And Grandmaster Crosby is gonna squeeze yo nut
So muthaf***as, sling yo asses over
Big Funky Vera's honky cliffs of Dover

OK, OK I think Malcolm McLaren may have had the first rap hit in the UK, but I'm not certain.

which of the above statements is a lie?

Ah Vera, you were ahead of your time.

-- David, in da house

George Formby was in fact the first rap artist......

I'm leaning on the lamp post at the corner of the street....
(Me and the homies was chillin' on the corner)

In case a certain little lady comes by.....
(Checkin' out dem b*****s)

Oh me, oh my, just in case that little lady comes by....
(lookin' for that fly girl, she sure got back.....)

Obviously he had to tidy it up a bit for 1930's BBC, but we know what he meant.

*waves white flag*

I have a fish wrap?
*sniff
*sniff::
Non-groupy#2 <zen -joint

Historically of course the first culture to embrace the medium of rap was the Romans. The Roman Senate, or Crib, was lead by two men; one of which was called Consul and the other was called Big Daddy.

The first speach delivered in rap occurred in 112BC and was given by Senator Tarquinius "Big T to the Max" Maximus. It related to the issue of a certain group of Latin citizens demanding full Roman citizenship and chariots which would "bounce".

Sadly the motion was denied and no other speaches were delivered in rap until circa 98BC when Rapmaster Bobbius of Syracuse returned from his governorship of said province and related to the Senate the nature of the "honnies" to be found there. So convincing was he that the Senate was suspended while Big Daddy G went cruising.

There are of course unsubstanciated stories that the Greeks rapped at the seige of Troy a thousand years before this, but it is likely that this was simply bad poetry.

After the fall of Rome to barbarians and the spread of the dark age in Europe rap fell into disuse. Indeed in the barbarian empires of Europe rapping was punishable by death, this formed the central argument of Dr. Raymond Entwhistle's thesis "Why the Visigoths were actually very clever" (Oxford Press).

It was not until the fourteenth century that the secrets of rap began to filter through Europe again, spread by the Church of St. Biggy "Large" -- a cult which had until that point existed only in the middle east and Chicago. Biggy "Large", the patron saint of rappers, was a martyr who died at the hands of Visigoth Chief Vladimar for his belief that he should be allowed to ride the wild pony with any girl he wanted. Including the Chief's daughter.

-- David, informal historian and Marxist chef

Bob Dylan had a rap hit in the mid sixties with "Subterranean Homesick Blues".


By the way, Dylan is definately not an influence of mine. Neither is the more modern band, Blues Traveler.

UH, feel free not to use your influences, since you are the bassist your angst rock riffs may not add a certain edgy style that our music has been lacking.

Non-Groupy#2
Are the bonzo dog band one of the bands non-influences?
*sniff
*sniff
*sniff
hash-
hash-
*faints

Are you talking about the Band, or the Banned?

Well, I don't know, who am I?
hash-

*plays non-air-non-guitar

Waaa, Waa, Weee pow!

Hey guys, check our my page, I used this program I found offline to make a graphic in the form of a table (which h2g2 allows). Unfortunately the graphics are only about sized. But I used it to make a Banned "smilie" that is a take off on