h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Paul,

They caught you out there. Count the words in the Post Team's posting. They were trying to fool you into being the first on this thread to break the 42-words rule. A shabby trick, I know, but there you are.

We are the mercy of a strong polar vortex producing bitterly westerly winds giving us in the UK lots of wet and windy weather.

Very little snow this winter in Southern England but at least we had five good hard frosty days.

Icy, I counted 43 words in your post. Not as egregious as my lapse, but no one's perfect. I forgive the Post, mostly because I would love to bask in the glow of being published. I need seven more words right now.

When you write 'one's' - as in 'no one's perfect' - instead of 'no one is perfect', does 'one's' count as one or two words?
The sentence above is 23 words long if you count as one, but 29 if you count as two.

Welcome to the 42-word Pedant's Corner

'42-word' is a hyphenated descriptor, counting as one word, not two. 'No-one' should similarly be hyphenated and counted as a single word. I suggest you count the white spaces between the words - there should be 41.

Don’t adjust your computer screen for you’ve all entered the Outer Limits/Twilight Zone of Ockendon. Life here is extremely surreal and events are rarely reported by the wider national media as we’re not part of Essex or London, we’re in No-man’s land.

re post 25:

I will do that in the future, Icy North. You have my word on that!
And then some. And then even more. Plus what I just added. And a few that I threw in for good measure.

Roger, last seen leaving Starbucks, vanished in the first blizzard.

Three sisters were swallowed by the second.

The third made the Donner family disappear.

Police feared a dozen frozen corpses when the snow melted.

Secret eskimo cultists, they all survived in igloos.

I don't know if you noticed, but my previous post was 42 words

As long as people write 'em, we'll publish 'em

They’re rumours are all political and religious leaders are all reptilian aliens and are all related to the British monarchy and the European royal families who are connected to the Cabal who eat dark chocolate when they meet up in the dark.

Jack and Irene were a childless couple who sheltered me during
a huge storm. Afterwards they asked me to stay and become their son.

"A new DNA process can make you our biological son" they told me.

I have changed greatly since then.

Curiously, air bubbles below a certain abbysal depth become so compressed that they sink rather than rising.

This opens a prospect with Neptune like worlds in Goldlocks zone conditions, that they may develop oxygen-nitrogen atmospheres beneath seas saturated with those substances.

This is our mission to seek out strange new civilisations, to discover strange new worlds and boldly go where no-one to wanted to go since our encounter with the very eccentric Q who endowed us with magical/Istari/Jedi/elfish/ superpowers to our hearts content.

"Rescue me!" she begged the dispatcher. "Mad men have stormed the
West Wing at 30 Rockefeller. They're breaking bad, with
many lives lost!"

"Armed?"

"Yes."

"Motive?"

"To weed deadwood from the office. They do it with glee."

"Suggestion: Turn off your TV."

"I love Terraclona!" Jennifer exclaimed, gazing at the pink sands, azure
sea, and palms laden with ripe fruit.

Biff Kapow grinned. "Like Earth, but no paparazzi," he said. "We're ordinary people, not celebrities here."

"Terraclonan celebs go to Earth?"

"Right. Same principle."

The climber, who slithered more than walked, first to climb above the permanent global cloud canopy, was awestruck by the sunset colors, clouds crashing oceanically on mountain peaks, unseen by all its kind before.

Then night fell and the stars came out.

Do you have what it takes to make a great success of being a high-flying personal coach/guru to tell people how to get their magic/Jedi/mutant superpowers by focusing on the law of attraction?

If so please apply by using your psychic powers.

Wal-Mart collapsed in 2045, then superstorms stripped our continent of its topsoil. It's quieter now, but only beans and dandelions will grow.

"Our Trash -- Your Treasure," a time machine, regularly fills our Wal-Mart building with surplus goods from the past.

I dreamed someone said it was morning
I dreamed that the night was through

If everything is bright and peaceful
a victory we have won

If it is dark and fearful
our struggles have only begun

I dare not open my eyes

prosy one
In the beginning, the goddess created man. But he complained
of being lonely, so she created woman to keep him company.

It wasn’t long before the goddess realised her mistake. The man
and woman were so busy together they forgot about her.

versy one
I saw a big brown rat swing
from a twig, land on hanging bird food,
sleek and agile as any bird.

I hate the dirty creatures,
want to chase them from my garden.
But they’re clever, sociable,
eat anything. Much like humans.