h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a cat in the middle
of village set in a rural idyll.
There he solved amusing riddle
on how to make scones on a griddle.

There is a cat in the middle
of a village set in a rural idyll.
There he solved an amusing riddle
on how to make scones on a griddle.
He played a merry tune on his fiddle
with the dog beating on the drum a parradiddle*.

*The sound of a drum being beaten rapidly and continuously

I woke up in the morning at half past seven
in my cottage in the village of South Zeal in Devon.
My eyes are bright and all I want to do is take flight
to travel back in time to meet an Ancient Israelite.

I introduced myself as Evan Bevan and I'm one hundred and eleven.
I come from Devon where we make our own special type of leaven.
There is a tree from Heaven which everyone morning is filled with manna
and has even been found on pianos when anyone wears a bandanna.

I doubt I'll ever be the oldest
Man on Earth -- many health concerns.
Still, I'd take that over being coldest.
Fuel runs out, except for heartburns.

[Not a very good rhyme, even for nonsense ]

I think this one may have helped to inspire George Orwell'S "Animal Farm", though its not as long.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/44577

Original publication date unknown.

Come my friend let us follow the latest trend
when on the mend from being ill by relaxing at the weekend.
There is a new technique of relaxing during meditation
which will give you much inspiration and self-motivation.
You will learn new methods and practices involving mindfulness
even to assist you when you are learning how to play chess.

I don't mind fullness after a long fast.
It's just such a relief to eat at last.

Search for the sublime and the profound
by going to the fun fair merry go round.
It will feel like you are on top of the world
with your thoughts and wishes become unfurled.
Aim high and find your inner guru when you look into
your inner self when you are experiencing deja vu.

My inner guru embarrasses me.
He often acts as if he's three.
Maybe I should act more like a child,
Or let my imagination run wild.

My Pa, his son and a weird old
came 'round last night for a piece of toast
we drank a lot
had a lot of laughs
but then they left with my finest roast

Once again, Christmas is coming!
The drummer boys soon will start drumming,
With eggnog on tap
And presents to wrap,
And carols relentlessly humming.

"This way", said the and pushed.
"Hold still", said the and flushed.
I can hear ev'rything again

- in part to my chagrin ...

It is such a pain to travel by train when it rains,
when I am overcome with muscle spasms & strains.
Taking a break at a Scottish lake starting at daybreak
over-eating on stilton cheese or devil's food cake.
The remedy is to sit still and take part in mindfulness mediation
which will provide a great deal of fascination and relaxation.

Listen to the sound of inspiration
Listen to the sound of the cetacean.
Listen to the whale calling you
to have a pew with members of favoured few.
Listen to the your inner rumination
calling you to a life of spiritual elevation.
Listen to the revelation that punctuation
observation will lead you to experience levitation.
Listen for the kangaroo who creates a great deal of ballyhoo
when dancing the pas-de-deux with a gnu who's a ballet guru.

I stand in the doorway and listen for the rain.
I watch the leaves float gently down.
I feel the rumble of an overhead passing plane.
I smell Suzie Snowflake in her velvet gown.

Roast duck yesterday
Gastric reflux this morning
*** you, Saint Martin



PS: The goose became a symbol of St. Martin of Tours because of a legend that when trying to avoid being ordained bishop he had hidden in a goose pen, where he was betrayed by the cackling of the geese. The custom of eating goose - to avenge Martin - spread to Sweden from France. In the peasant community, not everyone could afford to eat goose, so many ate duck or hen instead.
In Denmark, Mortensaften, meaning the evening of St. Martin, is celebrated with traditional dinners, while the day itself is rarely recognized. (Morten is the Danish vernacular form of Martin.) The background is the same legend as mentioned above, but nowadays the goose is most often replaced with a duck due to size, taste and/or cost

PPS: This may very well be my worst haiku ever. Which may not say much.

Saint Martin of Porres?
Or Saint Martin of Tours?
Probably not the island in the Caribbean, but who knows?

She picked up the phone
it was green and made of plastic
which didn't matter much
to what she had to say:

"I'm leaving you for Henry
there's stew in the fridge
don't forget to feed the cat
and let the chickens in"

I am the Negasonic Teenage Warhead
and I look great when fighting beside Colossus.
We are getting ready for winter with our bobsled
which we discuss over a bowl of charlotte russe.
We are joined by such a comical character as Deadpool
who is master of tropes and of breaking the fourth wall.
He is expert about the Weasley family and their ghoul
and knows everything about the Sith Apprentice Darth Maul.

The chickens came in and fed the cat.
The goldfish swam nervously, watching that.
The farmer crossed the river with the goose,
Then returned with the fox and the couscous.