h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I got lost in the park when I was having a lark.
It was a lot of fun when being in the sun
until I saw a skylark making a funny remark
about seeing a nun on the run with a phaser gun.
I turned around and noticed that she was alien
who touched my ear to feel my essence 'paugh.'
We stood and prayed and I concluded with Amen
which transported us to Barra, Hebrides island bar.
Here reality changed to a world inhabited by magi
and peoples from Middle Earth who have Marvel powers.
I could transform into a magpie or even into a butterfly
and even transform the weather bringing wind and showers.

From Buick, a Skylark with four wheels.
A glued-together card deck with no deals.
The Moon is a world that has dry seas.
Bumblebee Tuna has no bees.

This is going to be very boring poem
about falling deeply in love.
To help me I'll wear a diadem
and hold in my hand a foxglove.
I then will have sentimental thoughts
concerning reading romantic stories
which will have predictable plots
that end up with the hero on his knees.

Let's all go to the pub to meet up with Bub
who has become Deadpool's best friend.
Let's all jump into the whirling steaming hot tub.
We'll all try and blend who those wish to ascend
to higher planes when they are having facial scrub
as they try to follow the New Age spiritual trend.

The foxgloves are blooming everywhere.
Pity the foxes whose paws are bare.

There is an inn, a merry old inn
where people greet you with a big grin.
There they brew their ale so brown
that it's taste will banish your frown.

The man in the moon came down one night
which gave everyone quite a fright.
He came to drink his fill of beer
which will bring him much cheer.

The ostler who looked after the horses
had come back from beer making courses.
Where he saw that he had a tipsy cat
who was looking at him wearing a top hat.

The cat was meowing and squeaking very high
as he walked towards a large fish pie.
The cat picked up a old brown fiddle
which he was sawing in the middle.

A cat who was playing a fiddle
Said, "Help me to solve a hard riddle:
Whenever I eat,
Whether fish, fowl or meat,
It always ends up 'round my middle."

I have been waiting for the bus
and I was in quite a mad rush.
The traffic was on a go-slow
and formed a very neat row.
Nothing was moving either way
as my mind was going astray.
I was thinking of long roadworks
and motorists becoming berserk
with road rage leading to crashes
as their vehicles violently clashes.
I had to go back to my dear home
and have a good old moan on the phone
as well as discussing how to make Charlotte Russe.

The cars uncrashed as time went in reverse,
Caused by improbabilities in the universe.
The Heart of Gold gained power in its drive,
But how will we keep Arthur Dent alive?

Come on Bub don't cry and blub because you can't go to the pub.
I know Deadpool does not want to come because he says its not cool
to sit in a hot steaming tub eating samples of the finest posh pub grubs.
He will go with you another time after he has paid his country club subs.
Deadpool has become very posh and goes hunting when staying at hunting lodges
which is one of his special interests as well as being a X-Men comic book fan.
He loves to break the fourth wall whilst dodging his imaginary friend Hodges
who is a white van man that is a member of the spray tan clan headed by Jan.

No milk today, the cows have gone astray,
they said I was a bore. And then they left. All four.
No milk today, I'll have to do with ale
But wait I think I have some whiskey made on rye

The Pasta King's men are in jails.
The reason? They used rats' entrails
To meet last week's quota.
There's not an iota
Of doubt that this helped improve sales.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/16362

I clicked on that silly old link.
The elves that I saw made me think.
I then came back here
And forgot them, I fear,
And now all I want is a drink.

Come to my boring but exciting sales meeting
where good ideas and innovative plans are fleeting.
We sit down on the rug and have a group hug
and toast each with hot beverages served in a mug.
We all recite the Ferengi rules of acquisition
that focus our company's focus and mission.
Then we end the meeting with a technobabble contest
and to see which one is the most impressed and well dressed.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/24019

There is a Geezer called Lisa, who is a champion sneezer.
She holidayed in Italy to see the famous leaning tower of Pisa
which started her sneezing off, which turned into a crowd pleaser.
She even learned how to make the best Caesar salad and Bacardi breezer.

I never have learned martial arts.
I'll cringe if a fight ever starts.
If none will defend me,
I hope they will send me,
At least a few poisonous darts.

A poisonous dart I can send you
as long as my bow has a string
but I'm not sure it will please you
once it hits you and gives you a sting

Take a hike with me on on my new electric bike.
Take a jog with my dog and stop for an egg nog.
Let's fish for pike when experiencing a seiche.
We better not get lost in the fog when walking near a bog.