h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Can you not feel the heat of my undying passion?
So why is it that your interest is in discos and in horses?
Is it that you want to appear hip and follow the latest fashion?
Or is that you have been to too many leisure pursuit courses?

We all feel very young when hear our laundry being well wrung
inside our washing machines when it's set to fast spin.
We are even friends with Mundungus aka Dung
who boasts of inventing the youth potion made from gin
and a pepper mill that produces clothes, food and drink
along with all the gadgets that you ever need or want.
It can you help you meditate and even clearly think
about an ideal birthday present for your dear beloved aunt.

We will set the world on fire with our award winning choir.
We are so radical and groundbreaking with our new healing invention
Our aim is to become the world beating business high flyer
by creating a matriarchal society through our spiritual ascension.
And to bring about a panacea potion for all maladies and ills
through empowering each other and releasing us from our bills.

Take nothing seriously, not even this rhyme.
You don't have to do what I tell you.
Five purple penguins ate Spam sandwiches.
I have a nice bridge I'd like to sell you.

the spam scammers were spreading thier ware
phishing for shoals of people like Clare
Clare has a good job her credit is good
Unlike the hoaxer with a heart made of wood

Joy to this world my friend
For surely it will end
With no time for a sigh
Even a kiss goodbye
The grim reaper will come
Just as you are going numb
When you're on that bier
Some might even cheer
It won't matter to you
As dead is your world too.

I'll take you all with me on a wonderful fantasy ride
to where all our wildest dreams will come true.
There we'll all gather to watch the incoming tide
looking out to the most breathtaking sea view.

I arrived by sea. As I stepped onto the beach,
I looked back. The sea politely waved.
I smiled and waved back. Thus can it teach
Passengers to be become better behaved.

We'll set the world on fire by returning to the Shires
where we'll be climbing on the church steeples and spires.
We hope this will aspire others to take on the country squire
and the Town Crier at the best tasting barbeque and braai.

They say that everything that you'll wish for will come true.
They say that positive thoughts attract money and good luck.
They say that the Law of Attraction will make you one of the chosen few.
They say that good fen shui will protect from illnesses and muck.

They say that falling in love is wonderful,
But what would I know? Not everyone meets
That special someone. It's more probable
I'll make good friends, but only that....

Mr. Big why do you wear a clown's wig?
Mr. Big why do you eat a fig everytime you jig?
Mr. Big why you get in a huff when you can't find your stuff?
Mr. Big why do you start to puff when you're playing Blind-man's Bluff?

Mr. Big why do you want to play the guitar at the local wine bar?
Mr. Big why are you friends with the Bizarre Bazaar Czar?
Mr. Big why do you keep on telling bird puns to the collared dove?
Mr. Big you do you keep on looking up to the sky above for your missing glove?

Now because you wear all those fancy clothes
holding a red rose and with your pink painted toes.
And now even the cows curtsey and bow
whenever they are listening to you purr and meow.

Now I have seen you in the garden waving your scythe
shouting out that the UFO's and reptilian aliens are all an urban myth.
I know you say that you have greatly improved your humour and wit
and that you keep healthy and fit with your keep fit equipment kit.

You're always complaining that chopping onions make you cry.
And that you hate having to wear formal attire by wearing a bow tie.
You're always asking for my recipe for lentil and vegetable stew
and what is the address and telephone of your neighbour Hugh.

You say that you feel happy when you're acting soppy
over cute animal pictures and when people call you Hoppy.
It does not take much to keep you pacified or satisfied
just as long as no-one accuses you of being over qualified.

The giant picks his teeth with a runcible spoon,
Which he keeps in a cupboard, next to the moon.
When he gets hungry, he fries up a whale
And serves it with chili and mushrooms and kale.

There is a merry old Inn where the landlady plays the violin.
It is also jolly old Pub where they have they a communal hot tub.
And at the Inn the Landlady Glyn greets the customers with a big grin
and tell them that she has started a Hobbit's supper club.

The ale attracts the drinking whales and those who love to sail.
The beer banishes the blues by filling the weary full of cheer.
They come afar in calm weather or when there's a mighty strong gale.
And when they have had too much they begin to swing on the chandelier.

(inspired by J R R Tolkien's - There is a merry old inn poem/song)

There's a gloomy old outte where people sit in the rain
Not drinking ale, and going insane.
Dwarves, elves, and hobbits never stop by.
They can't see the stars; there are clouds in the sky.

The key to manifesting good health and wealth lies in the alpha state.
The key to abundance of good fortune lies in making the perfect macaroon.
The key to joy and happiness lies is in finding your twin cosmic soul mate.
The key to an improved creativity and intuition is through gazing at the full moon.

The capital city of the State of Alpha
Is found in the hub of a field of alfalfa.
Gurus and mystics meditate there,
Sometimes so loud you can hear them all swear.

2675 & 2677: Very Good!


It's my fate
To spend each lunch half hour
Just time to devour
A sandwich and a coffee
And sometimes a zen moment
when clarity outshines nessecity
And the sandwich in my hand
Gains a brief reprieve
Time to breath
Contemplate life and love and sunshine
thirty seconds out of eighteen-hundred
Some lucky days, two zen moments unfold
Bold, where once i was hungry
Content, where once i was cold
This is the reason
Why i try
It is my fate till i die
Happily scribbling away
In my luchn-break!

Fate. It's fickle. You only get one.
Try though you might, it's hard to change.
Sometimes, with one misstep you're undone.
The consequences may be fraught and strange.