h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

born a child of the cold war
as adolesence came and went life thawed
each year my heart grows warmer than the sun
my mind finds peace but my body's coming undone

A cold vaccine's something scientists should not ignore.
It's the logical successor to the Cold War.

I need Maxine, not a vaccine
I know the cure for my bulging heart-Bart!
I know the logic that my actions flow from
So Tom: can you, this weekend lend me your car?

Refulgent waves blather 'gainst the steel-
Rimmed sides of the erstwhile garbage scow,
Now retrofitted as the good ship Orange Peel,
A luxury liner for rats with lots of dough.

The way to find your life's true path
is to meditate on the Cosmic Violet twin flame
by having a long relaxing soak in a bubble bath.
And then play with a group of friends a psychic card game.

But the way to become truly awakened is through the kundalini
whilst focusing on your aura and your chakras.
This is done by drinking a whilst looking out to sea
and eating a meal made with pumpkin and spiced okras.

Spiced chakras, with merry mint mushrooms,
A meal to put chest on your hair,
And on your cheeks apple-blossom blooms.
Then for a special dessert, devil-may-care
Cake.

We will experience the female divine energies
as travel down the deep and mystical astral plane.
We will experience more joy when eating blue cheese
or sipping on champagne as part of our spiritual campaign.
We will be part of the one and undivided Great I am presence
when we start holding hands with members of the Jazz Band.
We will come together to be infused with the Life Force essence
as we start to focus on activating our 6th chakra the pineal gland.

Let's admire the color of magic
As the light fantastic we dance
With Mort, whose trade so tragic
Fuels our debt to sorcery and chance.

We will begin our road to our spiritual ascension
through our DNA starseed activation.
This will remove all our karma, stress and tension
as we enter into our relationships with the Federation.

We all be able to control reality with the power of our thoughts
through the profound metaphysical change and evolution
of our bodies whenever we're cleaning our kitchen pans and pots.
This will then improve our inner confidence and our elocution.

As we proceed in starting a new radical social revolution
with an end to the patriarchal dominated cultures and societies.
This will bring about a new form of wealth distribution
which will end all financial stresses, worries and anxieties.

In the universal dynamic and encompassing law of one
Ron Weasley will become the Merlin University Don.
Where he will teach them advanced magic spells and potions
and where they will be astral traveling over mountains and oceans.

As we fly through the inner world portal
on the path to our intuitive higher selves.
We will become overwhelmed with the desire to chortle
when seeing the ascended ones putting up shelves.

As we become connected to the collective consciousness
when entering the doorway leading to the multidimensional world.
We will be overcome with a feeling of mysteriousness
as we wonder what life would like having hair that's always curled.

The Wyrd Sisters ponder Equal Rites,
But with cries of "Guards! Guards!" are met.
Behind pyramids they hide as each fights
The urge to add Eric to their set.

Pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot
Make mine strong and make mine hot
Pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot o' tea, spout
Stir it round and pour it out
Pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot o' tea, stir
Add some milk to make me purr
Pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot o' tea, nice
You've poured me one now pour it twice
Pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot o' tea, tap
I've had enough now for my nap
Pot o' tea, pot o' tea, pot o' tea, tea
I've drunk too much and need to pee.

sunshine font of hope
breeze of clarity renewed
i am a spectator
as brown leaves whip up
in a whirling darting dance
like chasing children

Frozen pipes,
Bleep it! Yipes!
Outside it's freezing.
Nothing's easing
My way through life,
Just icy strife.

When the moon is in the Seventh House
and a shape-shifting mouse begins to grouse.
And Jupiter aligns with the planet Mars
we'll begin our quest to explore the stars in our cars.
Then peace and wisdom will guide the planets
and our family pets will take part in cosmic vignettes.

There will be much harmony and understanding
and all our mental horizons and thoughts will start expanding.
There will be empathy, sympathy and trust abounding
as we will all experience astral visions that are quite astounding.

There will be no more falsehoods or derisions
and no more inner conflicts, doubts or indecisions.
There will golden living dreams of unconditional love and hope
where people will be swinging on a bar of soap tied to a rope.

Much will be discovered through mystic crystal revelation
where we'll be shown our true vocation by deep meditation.
This when then shown us the way to our mind's true liberation
as it fills us with unending elation and jubilation.

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius which can seem hilarious.
And with our shared purpose and concord we will become more gregarious.
And in our shared unity and solidarity we will gain great clarity
and much great cultural and spiritual growth and prosperity.

*This when then shown us the way to our mind's true liberation
as it fills us with unending elation and jubilation.

*This will then show us the way to our mind's true liberation
as we are overcome with unending elation and jubilation.
And all of humanity will learn to live with creatures on land and sea
and respect of all that is living which fill us with wonder and glee.

I will write this verse again.

There will be no more falsehoods or derisions
and no more inner conflicts, doubts or indecisions.
There will be golden living dreams of snowy slopes
where we will expand our horizons and our scopes
of new possibilities and opportunities for inner growth
watching sloths reciting quotes from the works of Goethe.

Whenever the sky is grey, I lose my way
when walking to Hosea's weekly buffet soiree.
But when the sky is blue, I have not got a clue
on how to make a traditional beef goulash stew.

Because it makes me squirm when looking at a 2 ft worm
who's eating a large handful of wheat germ.
But at least the worm is versatile and has lots of style
with it's tidy pile of leaves taken from a faraway isle.

But the smile on the worm's face is out of place
when covered in antique lace when playing on the cello bass.
It makes the worm feel wonderful when knitting with wool
with the use of magic with the help of the gull and bull.

The front door is open so let's all come in
and listen to the mighty din coming out of the rubbish bin.
It will make us grin and feel quite slender and thin
especially when listening to a merry tune be played on the violin.