h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

meant:


My secret self healing powers gather
Waking me, from a dream,
Then the traffic light turns green
The last crossing walkers
Flee, before the wheels of the automobile.

I am a flower power child who's ways are wild
for I would rather be free and do my own thing
than follow the ways of the world where money is king.
For those who worship profit are easily beguiled
through losing their connection to Mother Earth
they have polluted her beautiful realm and creation.
But I have found in a new lease of life in my rebirth
as await my inner awakening through reflection and meditation.
For the cause of my joy has given me a new purpose in life
which is to honour and respect all the two and four legged creatures.
And to teach the path of inner peace and freedom from strife
as well as a deep respect for Gaia and all the natural world's features.

Typed again with corrections:

I am a flower power child who's ways are wild
for I would rather be free and do my own thing
than follow the ways of the world where money is king.
For those who worship profit are easily beguiled
through losing their connection to Mother Earth
as they pollute her beautiful realm and creation.

But I have found in a new lease of life in my rebirth
as I await my inner awakening through reflection and meditation.
For the cause of my joy has given me a new purpose in life
which is to honour and respect all the two and four legged creatures.
And to teach the path of inner peace and freedom from strife
as well as a deep respect for Gaia and all the world's natural features.

Those who say "who's" when they mean "whose"
Have more cause to worry than mud on their shoes.

I'm picky where grammar's concerned.
This habit cannot be unlearned.
I ask you to bear it.
I'm kind as a carrot,
Except when its long end gets burned.

You have got me stuck in a permanent time warp
whenever I hear you play the same old song
about the time when you visited the village of Thorpe
wearing a ladies sarong and having your hair long.

And because of your actions you have caused a spatial anomaly
all over the county of Surrey whenever anyone is in a hurry.
But your remedy is to go and make them listen to your homily
on how to combat stress and worry by eating a very hot curry.

(Inspired by upstairs neighbour playing Little Boots CD tracks on full blast)

U dohnt need grammer
If u stammer!
Who cares for the apostrophe
When today someone has no bred to eet

Colourful; i like!
Colour and aeroplane
Autumn jars my brain
It's fall!
A fall before christmas always!

Words can thrill, words can chill
especially when reading a thriller
or a fantasy story starring Bill
a mountain troll who's a notorious killer.

If'n youse want, I can play da game, too.
Theres beauteous thangs on t'sole of ma shoe.
Ah'm a dilly when I writes things that is silly,
But the boomerang comes back. Her name are Billy.

Sorry that I could not go to the weekly social meeting
but Joan was having a good only moan with me on the phone
about her neighbour who's keeping a sheep who's always bleating
and only stops if tempted with a Devonshire jam filled scone.

Bleating sheep will keep me awake
When I'd rather catch some Z's.
I make a lovely mutton cake,
And serve with bread and cheese.

Stuffed poetry tonight!
Poetry and potatoes, mmmmm!
Maybe on friday we can hit the haiku bar?
It has no compare! It is always worth the wait! 'Does choc-o-late smile'
You know: "rosemary and thyme" sounds like, "a life of grime".
'It' is worth 'it'!
(?)

Oh sunshine of my life
You blow away the blues
Even if you are impossible
(according to the laws of physics)
I love you still
Let me not forget!

It has been decided that we'll be going on a day trip to Hobbiton
and it will be organised by our stalwart friends Faye and Ray.
It will be a lot of fun when we're greeted by Bilbo with a currant bun
who'll be organising a Shire buffet and soiree which will be parfait.

Ode to fried haggis and mashed spuds.


Rough is the taste and texture
Consistency of aggregate
You fill the hole in my belly
Like tar that fills the potholes in the road
Mixed with the finest butter blended porcelean mash
Still each mouthfull is boldness
Milk or tea or even beer will not suffice
Only whiskey, 'the water of life' is a fit partner for you!
Lord have mercy on my soul for what i have just eaten
Surely this gritty treat is not on heavens menu
But today i quite enjoyed hells breakfast for tea

I've never had haggis at all.
I guess that I'm not in its thrall.
Sheep's stomachs? Can't find.
I've got no way to grind,
Haggis has too much cholesterol.

We'll also be going to the Highlands of Scotland
and attend the annual Aviemore Highland Games.
There will be the Scots Guards Marching band
and a troupe of dancing Inverness Pantomime Dames
with music provided a ceilidh band in the grandstand.

There will be a haggis tasting competition
which will take place at the evening ceilidh
as well as Scottish Country Dance tuition.
The tutor for the night is called Faye
and she will be supplying the scrumptious buffet.

Doreen, Maureen, Jean and Dean will be going.
Along with their neighbours Ed, Ted, Ned and Jed.
We'll travel by TARDIS where the beer will be flowing
whilst the men folk will go and hide in the garden shed.

Pardon-Dan where have you put my frying pan?
And why do you keep on hiding in the garden shed
when you're trying to get a golden sun tan?
Is it because you want to copy your dear friend Ned?

Oh please tell explain to me clearly and concisely why
you do these strange things and your other eccentric actions
such as trying to fly by tying a french fry to your neck tie?
Why do you have strange reactions after practising complex fractions?